My Shining Star

Chapter 19: I'll always be there

Maxine POV

I woke up inside our bedroom that was dimly lit in the dark. The tiny flame inside the stone fireplace burnt out a while ago. The only thing that was left were ashes of twigs that still had a small fire going.

I peered my eyes closely at the tiny flame while being in complete darkness. A sudden furry paw warmly embraced me from the side as it hugged the side of my waist.

I turned my eyes down to Sebastain in his jaguar form who was sleeping soundly. He huddled closer to me and I began caressing his soft short fur, earring a lovely puur from him. His tail happily flickered back and forth as I stroked his head down to his back.

After some time, I steadily made my way to the front entrance of our home. Sneaking with light steps not to make a sound since Sebastian was still asleep.

When I opened the front door, I was met with the chilly breeze brushing against me. I looked at the night sky as I laid down on the grassy ground with my eyes open.

A lot was going through my mind, like how and why I came here after dying!? What's the point in living another life if I can't get my original life back??

Is this really not a dream? Because if it was then maybe i'm actually in a coma and this world i've been living in was all a dream. My body must be in a coma while my mind is wandering here and there.

But everything so far feels so real that it's hard to think that this is not the afterlife. To me everything so far is the afterlife, a new body but the same soul. I always wonder what really happened to me in my past life. How did I truly die?

Why did I end up in another word wouldn't it be better if I was reborn? Without my memories..

I haven't accomplished anything, nothing that proves worthy to my overall worth. My grandma was right. I should have listened to her instead of chasing my ambitions.

For much of my life, all I wanted was to please her. To prove to her that I am capable. I just wanted to make her proud, it was all I wanted for her to see in me.

And yet, I always wonder how she is doing after all of this. It must be stressful for her with my passing and everything going on.

Back then, I had neither visited nor called her. There was always an excuse to say I was busy with work and school. But In reality, it was an excuse to get away from. I didn't want to let her down and I didn't want her to see me struggle. I was ashamed to admit my failure to her, heck I was even more embarrassed to ask for help. I didn't want her to worry about me. She had many things to worry about other than my problems.

I was a failure to her. My grandma's long efforts were all a waste.

I broke my grandfather's promise.. how am I supposed to take care of her, when I'm now gone.

Her granddaughter turned out to be a sham, supposed to achieve success yet ended up working in a crabshack with no schooling as she got rejected from the university she dreamed to attend.

This is not what I wanted.

This was not supposed to happen..

If I had one chance to change something back then. It would be one last conversation with my grandma. I want to thank her for the unlimited love and support she gave me throughout my life. She and my late grandpa were the only parental figures I had. Without her guidance I don't know where I would be without her leading. Her wisdom and courage gave me the strength to push forward to become more. I am proud to be her grandchild and I always will be.

I thought long and hard as I looked at the starry night sky that was filled with many shimmering stars. The cold and dark atmosphere made me feel at peace, when the chilly breeze gushed in the air.