Inglorious Impostor Presents: The Astonisher's Return

Rob Jones

Did you just relieve your bowels of noxious gas and/or feces along with discharging urine through your genitals? If so, you deserve a clap on the back along with a bottle of Lysol 'cause I just did both. Similarly, with Rob suffering from malodor ( unpleasant aroma) produced by his breath due to the fact that he ate a human bio solid with extreme passion at that, thus bringing fond memories of his stench of coke back at the prison. Amidst the funk, something is bubbling beneath the Congo river...

A banging knock is heard on the triple-locked door with cheap African mahogany affixed to it, as if though it were a cop ( while Black is taking a "massive one" in the john). The sound echoed throughout the mansion. "Coming!" Said Rob with two coconuts protruding through his eyes like binoculars and 50 bras and at least 10 gold bricks along with a speedo and cocoa butter concurrently being carried by hand like a slave holding a bucket, hung over his shoulder like a pimp, being worn with confidence, and applied to the ash of his elbows as dashed down a flight of stairs and boobs. "Rob, I figured out what's wrong with you! You're bipolar and your personality is gradually degraded due to the severe scars on your skin. Also, you're parallel and mentally dysfunctional!" Screamed his psychiatrist as a repeated clap is heard through a partially closed bedroom door and a hammer banging a nail through the wall along with a drilling-like sound as his voice echoed. The door unlocked with a simple voice command ( 'Don't shoot!') and my oh my, what do we have here? It's Romney with a warm and hearty smile, consisting of various bumps and injuries along with no hair and a map. "You got the g's boy?" Inquired Romney, stating that that's how they communicated during the creation of the Confederacy. "Sure do, my paper. Please, sit down," Rob chimed along, attempting to brighten the mood of the situation. Romney sat down whilst passing gas upon the impact of the couch's nearly invisible leather surface. "As you know, I found this map in San Diego regarding the lost treasure of El Dorado. Of course, my original plan was to give it to Bin Laden in order to claim the treasure so we can split it 91/19 ( a cop fraction as well), but he persistently pointed both GTA V and Call of Duty disc covers to my face while asking me to test it for his military troops ( along with the strip club in GTA. Positions and all.). I unfortunately declined due to the pressure of politics, which obviously lead me to the dynamic duo. This here boy, is the future of America, our economy, my baldness, and NC-17 movies. I partially read the map but didn't understand much, other than the fact that it appears to be a red line that runs through Liberty to Voldemort to Detroit. But the line ended on the Atlantic. I will tell you this though: it requires durability and blending in with certain objects and strength. Surely you acquired much more skills in basketball?" Lectured Romney. "Of course sir, but why the gold bricks and us?". "Simple. First, my time isn't free and second, I have faith that you will accomplish this lengthy task. It will require the aforementioned. So, are you up to it? I mean, you have no other choice. America's downfall is eyeing you after what I brainwashed the media with," said Romney, with a hay straw protruding through his cracked lips, in addition to the straw producing large quantities of smoke. "I'm gonna sigh and fart and... agree due to the pressure and heat!" Said Rob, while his mental retardation didn't agree. "Woohoo, my igga rocks! Well, good luck on the journey. You'll need it," said Romney, implying that he had the answer to immunity. Just then, Black rushes down the stairs like a quarterback with an SMG and a women. "What's the commotion? Are we getting inspected? Lemme hide the stash first," he said. "No, no. In fact, it's quite the opposite," said Rob. "Boy, it's your uncle Rom and we about to jump the gun." said Mitt, like the uncle from The Boondocks. "Right in the clickity-clock," said Rob in harmony. Black, oops, "Oil rig" jumped into the arms of Romney and is at last reunited with his long lost uncle and is then caught up to speed. "So, what do you think? No, you know what, I demand this to happen and be done with. In fact, I hereby make this into a law, bearing in mind that Congress will immediately veto the bill. Therefore, you two are obligated to commit to this journey and bring corrupt America back to its baby feet. You have a year to decide. Toodaloo boys!" Yelled Romney, as if though it's a Congress session in which he would immediately be removed from the impending session. What a polluted, ignorant, politically-incorrect, American-dosed ( requires nutritional facts), greedy, spoiled world. Am I right? 'Course I am.