Inglorious Impostor Presents: The Astonisher's Return

Sailor Mouth

The day after tomorrow finally arrived and they review their plan for final confirmation. Night falls as well.

"Let's do this. Commence the distraction... Now!" Rob bluntly said. "Oh guard! It's pretty warm in here, do you mind turning down... The heat?" suggestively asked Uganda as she flaunted her physique and revealed cleavage. Rob then took out the guard with a single blow to the head with his bare fists (also considered a blunt object) and dragged the body closer to him in order to retrieve the keys. Rob unlocked himself first, then Cinnamon. "Slight change of plans. Disguise yourself as one of the guards by putting on the uniform of this guard. Good job... Much smarter and less complicated. We'll act as if though you're changing my cell due to whatever you come with and disguise the guard as your burnt self. Then, if a guard is suspicious, we take 'em out. Act normal and smile." She demanded. "Got it," he said. So Rob does what she asked him to do and disguised both the guard and himself, took a weapon along the way and shackles so as to make the plan foolproof. After that, they inconspicuously walked toward the nearest exit while nodding to everything each guard said. "Where are you taking her?!" One of the guards asked. "Dictator wanted me to take her arse back to him for reconsideration," Rob lied. "Where's the confirmation letter?!" The guard asked, agitated. Rob was in a sticky spot, so he looked around to see if the coast was clear and took out the guard with a whack from his nightstick, dragged the body into the nearest empty cell, and went to the final stage of their plan.

"Phew! We made it out alive. The dictator is back at his recycled palace, so I guess we have to take out guards along the way," U said, lethargically. "Shouldn't we steal El Dorado first? I've had enough killing for 3-5 years, tops," said Bob, his self-esteem dramatically decreasing. "Yeah, you're right. Let's get to it then."

The island, from Rob's perspective, looked absolutely stunning when it was extremely dark, as opposed to Cinnamon's perspective. It was a glowing island lit only by the moon's reflection as the water moved back and forth along the rocks, crashing into it and producing large waves all the while.

Moreover, with the island being nearly deserted with only the Hooligans out and about, the yin-yang duo asked one of the Hooligans where the treasure was located at. "Right over there, next to the palace," said one of the Hooligans. "Thanks. Good'ay!" U said. "No problemo. Ooga booga! Lalala!" Replied the hooligan. "Okay, just like we talked about Rob, we take what we can and put it into wheelbarrows and sneak it onto a ship. I have contacts so no worries there," she said. "Let's do this," Rob slipped on a paper sack while U put on a ski mask and they blindly but successfully snuck into the place where the treasure was stored. "Wow!" Said Rob, his pupils an opaque wall to the glistening of the various golden coins, jewels, and the usual items included within a standard set of treasure. It was inside of a transparent chest with lots of lighting surrounding it as if it was a pavilion. "How convenient! It's stored in a large treasure chest. Do you think we'll be able to carry it?" Cinnamon asked. " " Course we will! I'm as strong as a bull, considering the fact that I do consume bucketloads of fried chicken. But mobility will take some time," he said. They then lifted up the unusually large chest and walked towards a conveniently parked ship to carry it in with no severe discomfort whatsoever. "Phew! My bones are nearly crushed. I think I may have arthritis." Rob said. "Now that that's done, let's assassinate the dictator in a timely manner," U said. The complex duo took cover behind various objects so as to not be detected (this isn't much of an issue with Rob, though). Rob then handed her a silencer while Rob used the nightstick to take out two nearby enemies guarding the entrance of the palace, which they won't be entering. After going through all that trouble, the ebb and flow climbed the palace and silently took out the rest of the sentinels on top of building as the night slowly went on.

After hours of laborious work, dawn arrived and Rob picked up something through his bat-like ears. "Over here!" Whispered Rob, "It's the dictator and he's talking to someone on a waterbed," or so it appeared. Luckily for the duo, they were well-equipped. Rob pulled out two pairs of binoculars, one for his mistress, and himself. "Oh yeah!" yelled the dictator with vigor. "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm not an object," saidㅡHold up, Kim Kardashian?!ㅡas she zipped something up. Yes, indeed it is. "Yes, you are. No point in denying it. In fact, you are quite the intrigue. I cordially invite you, a valueless ruby, to provide me with a cup of sugar, so as to not spoil the moment," said the dictator, with ferocity. "I accept, but do you have antiperspirant spray and 50k? That's just an estimate of how much I'm worth," she said. "No problem. Bodyguard?! Do you have the briefcase?!" Inquired the dictator. "I do sir," said the muscular, mucous-stuffed bodyguard. "Good, good. Now run along," said the dictator as the bodyguard nasally laughed like Squidward and giddily ran away. "Now that you have what you specifically requested for, can you fulfill my services"? Asked the dictator, extending his unusually long beard toward her face. [muffled] "Whatever," she said, carelessly.

"Rob, we have a zip line, should we just intrude in their private moment of "I Declare War", the card game and banter and simply assassinate him from there and broadcast it live or pick him off with a sniper?" Suggestively offered U. "The first one," he said.

U took a grapple gun from her duffel bag and aimed it nearly inches above the window and zipped the chest (not that chest) over first with tremendous force, which then smashed through the window. U went first, then Rob. "I surrender! Here, take the ahem, "penny"! Oh, it's the notorious criminals," flatly said the dictator, his hands up, suddenly monotonous. Rob took a camera from a recently placed stand and started to record. "Rob, let's just arrest him. What good will it do to kill?" Said U. "You're right, lock up both of them and we shall proceed from there.", suggested Rob. "Good idea. Ahem, citizens and immigrant (dictator) of Wakka Derka, you are now going to be freed from this dick's tyranny and unfair decisions. You will elect the next President, as the dictator idea didn't work out, amongst yourselves, assemble a Congress-like building, and robust economy so as to expand our nation and possess more goods and beneficial things. I'd also like to request, before locking this guy up, to act civilized and build a better society than the one that America has right now. Okay? No violence, boycotts, you know, the usual Rob-like acts. Now, will somebody please lock him up? Also, we will leave a portion, regardless if it's big or small, of the treasure to begin the construction of a new era. Good 'ay." The live recording ended and the citizens cheered at both the recording and the crippled elected representative feebly walking up to the podium.

"What a hellish nightmare," said Rob. "Your darn right it was! Now, let's give our final goodbyes, leave a large portion of the treasure, and abandon this dump," she said. "You sure you want to leave?" Asked Rob. "Why not? I have a lot of bad memories on this island, the primary reason being the poor treatment. I heard America is a land of opportunity, it's fully developed, and one of the safest countries on the face of the planet," said U. "With Romney terrorizing, black people boosting cars, and Mexicans selling dope to cops and street racing in 'Fast & Furious' movies, it's quite the opposite. Missy, you have a lot to learn ,"said Rob, releasing the masts, setting sail to America, and basking in UV Rays (the ozone layers were destroyed due to massive amounts of pollution, gasoline-powered vehicles, and the older generations).

And while I still have your attention and views, keep in mind that this book isn't just for show-and-tell! It's a book, and you either like specific parts or you don't. Use your brains, people. This is the 21st century, after all. I mean, how many times do I have reiterate that just to get it stuck in your head? Technology has just desensitized us into lifeless, low-attention spanned, average citizens, hasn't it?. Gosh, now I feel as reckless as Charlie Brown from a Family Guy reference. Ahh, America. The birthplace of STDs.