Inglorious Impostor Presents: The Astonisher's Return

The New Year

What better way to start off 2016 than with Future. I was so hard headed at first, I didn't believe in this song until I picked up on it's positive theme and nostalgic beat ( which mainly was the trumpet blaring. I was under the impression that since this was Future and all, this song wouldn't be understandable and uhh...it'd be another one of those chapters in which I'd have to write a "rave review" but this isn't so...). It be aight though. Welcome back everyone! Consider this the first chapter of 2016 and as a break from last year's cliffhanger as you allow me to explain.

Unbelievable, didn't think I was going to make it this far ( like how you still came around and the fact that chapters before this are still stuck at a minimum of 20 views for some reason. Just gonna let that slide). Anyway, hope you've had a pleasant New Year and if not, just please bear with me, calm the bleep down, and act as if though what I just said applies to you. Boy, do I have some stuff to tell you. Family came into town, went go-karting ( which was a blast, like the Oscar's diversity issue), I started using Spotify, my cousin thinks he's better at me in basketball ( I assure you all I'll make sure he has to duct tape his ankles. By da way/bdw, while I'm still in the parenthesis, let's talk demographics real quick. Private gender, who the bleep are you and what do you want from me? A certain form of entertainment? Doesn't Wattpad have other "amazing things" to offer? Hyah, yeet as you'd once again prefer as you imagine me saying this in lethargically considering how many times I said it before. Moreover, men. I'm lacking a shortage here. I've tried making this book more suitable for you by making Rob and Black sing My House by Flo Rida ( something I'm listening to on Spotify at the moment) or simply claiming their territory by abusing women. Come on, let's make this seem as if though we live in simpler times in the universe that I created ( meaning my creative work solely. All Rights Reserved, not Creative Commons but a license clearly stating my ownership of this intellectual property). Back to demographics, but yeah. Too much women, and though they don't mean any harm, I tend to strike a balance in between; an equilibrium of sorts. National/international community, your all astonishing, like this book. Haha, yah mon ( remember that sentence for the next story-related chapter). As for views in previous chapters, simply like if you like the content or read it or follow me or whatever. Easy as Trump not getting elected, at least, according obama's recent SOTU speech.)

, phew ( ! While avoiding punctuation errors...) my story's in the running for Story of the Year and it'd be hilarious if it won and it's really close to being in the top 5 so I'd appreciate it if you visited my profile, went to conversations if you're on iPhone , and click on the link in the "surprise surprise" message. Man, crazy things went down man. I went to go see Hateful 8 couple of weeks ago and lemme just say, be prepared for frequent use of the n-word ( some scenarios validating the use of the narc as unnecessary). After all, it is a Tarantino film ( ahem). Which reminds me, has anyone seen Creed... Or Star Wars for that matter?

If you saw the pic in the chapter, which you should've, please don't think that I look like El Chapo. I don't want to have to get busted too when using the computer and looking up you-know-what, having stubby facial hair, and the federales kicking down the door and me having to turn around and as a result, having to be published using that photo in the news by some intrusive journalist. Yeah, I've been watching a lot of drug shows lately on Netflix like Breaking Bad and Narcos. "Don't blame me, blame quality content," said Wattpad officials in oh I don't know, the next millennia? Screw you if you think that's corny. What else what else. I'm trying to think of some more things to share with you. Hmm. I'm speaking the truth here folks. Oh! Wattpad has filtered my book into the mature rating. Please petition Wattpad to change the rating into its original state by reporting and explaining why I don't deserve the rating. Plus, I've already checked the content guidelines. Not only have I not dropped an f-bomb but there are a lot of other books that pass as a PG-13 and make it to the top ranks. Hyah, at least I use caution WHILST adhering to the guidelines. Yah here that Wattpad? Please change the rating and additional filters!

You're probably wondering why I decided to publish this chapter after the Screw You chapter. Well, I decided it was about time I start anew, like the Jenner family. In other words, I'm giving you a chance ( hint hint: check the comments section in the Screw You chapter to find out more. Disregard the most recent comment). Randomly mentioning, check out mah buddy's profile and work. His username is ThePhilipGames and NOT Wattpad . Great service I might add. Moreover, TPG, he's a student in learning so I'd suggest that you go check out his book titled: Life, Undercover. It has a unique perspective and a humorous blend of humor and school life. Get there... Before the cops do, I said gloomily.

"Stay tuned and maybe you won't be a loon," said the revival of X-Files and the duo being old and Spike Lee's fashionable self reacting to Straight Outta Compton being nominated for best original screenplay by the Academy Awards?! "Dem motherbleepers dat hasn't changed one bit, like how Will Smith continues to smile bout da situation altogether?" -Spike Lee. And fo'nizzle shizzle Snoop Doggystyle be out, like how Game of Thrones continued to shine in its glory of... Soft-core pornography?! Catch y'all later, while I go spit-shine the ol' water pump/give into the hand police if ya know what dis mon means.

Update as of when Italy decided to join in on all the fun along with an increase in the female population even after a thorough warning was established. Italy, a country of love now that Paris is out of the picture and fine women ( well, in my opinion) and wine intertwined into a bowl of spaghetti as two individuals of the opposite gender suck on the same noodle and up "going places," as suggested by a car commercial. Not really much I can say because I like Italians and frankly I don't lack cultural background like whites but I like experimenting and exploring if you catch my drift. So anyway, I hope you amazing people, along with the increase in Filipino ( Bebot song, chicken adoba: hyah!) and Australia ( is it true that everyone is required to like sports as a norm? Margot Robbie, what a fine piece of bleep I'd like to tear and wolf whistle at and Sia, she has talent I gotta say that and as a tribute to Australians:

Blacks are more than welcome due to Wap's appearance along with any French douchebags. HYAH, discovered the song through Spotify. Good vibes... Good vibes and I like dee beat if yah know what diss mon means. On the other hand, women empowerment, Uggh. Enjoy)

Moreover, Superbowl 50. Bruh, I was rooting for Panthers. They made it this far and what with Cam Newton continuously mentioning the fact that he's from a place called Negrotown. Well I can't blame 'em yah know, the pressure and the err... protests and jeers( after all, it is black history month) but yeah, sucks. Newton kept on getting sacked but rushing and all was good. Manning on the other hand, this may have been his last game. Jeez. Additionally, the halftime show: HYAH! Bruno Mars twisting his legs around acting as if though he's black, he's funky and hot ( the revival of MJ). Beyonce's self strip teasing for our pleasure as we sit there, gaping like a bunch of drooling mutts. And finally Coldpay, man was that dude's face red or what. Afterwards, Stephen Colbert comes on live and Obama tossing the ball and WOOH!

I am out of breath and I am once again going to give into the hand police and request that some males do in fact read because I've been wondering if I should terminate my account or not ( yeet, I can't abort... ion you err... lovely gals). I don't know it may just be because Wattpad is for nerds and bookworms and stuff, not saying that I am one ( in fact I strive to maintain a balance). But yah, my apologies I should've rolled out another story-related chapter but I've busy yah know with policy debate ( if you haven't figured out the SHITS reference early on). Two tournaments in a week, what a doozy! Alright folks, glad you're still with me and I promise I will make this worth your while, no homo but a rich yet rewarding experience if yah please. Nighty night folks and continue being awesome. Take it easy.