Inglorious Impostor Presents: The Astonisher's Return

The One Who Drifted Away

U was wandering the streets as she contemplated where her next destination was. "You obviously can't confront the man on fire. So what do you do? You run."

"You run with no particular objective in other words. Come on guys, I'm not that type of dumb blonde." As Cinnamon walked along the vibrant seas of life full of "colorful diversity," along with the swaying Palm trees of The Pacific and every now and then, someone getting shanked. The breeze glided against her skin, like when women use a razor to shave their pubes, only this time was different: only the cream was applied.

As U ran, and she ran so far awaaay, along the dangerous streets of The Pacific especially at night, until the moment came. She collided head-on into a tree. And it wasn't until that bump knocked some sense into her. While rubbing her head, a smartphone ( as opposed to a newspaper. Modern times and all) hit her on the forehead. She then picked up the phone, surprisingly still conscious, reading an article titled "Wanting to clear and revitalize your mind? Or maybe even to purify yourself and repent for your sins? Look no further, you've come to the right place. Welcome to the Ultimate Supreme Taoist/Buddhist and other religions/practices not currently known to man. This temple will provide you with enlightenment, guidance, meaning to your life, pleasure, joy, peace, harmony, and everything else that politicians strive to provide but in the end, it's a lie."

U then pressed and held the home button until a voice assistant appeared, "Hey Siri, where's the 'Ultimate Supreme Taoist/Buddhist and other religions/practices not currently know to man' located at?" "I'm not sure what you said... Uganda. Yeet, Darking, Liberty City," the smartphone replied."

"Hey Siri, play an annoying song that, at the same time, somewhat pleases me with its beat and vibes and stuff," U asked. "Playing 'Work by Rihanna'..."

"Alright, time to get to work, whilst mumbling gibberish and saying work instead of twerk. Darking, here I come!" Cinnamon exclaimed, determined all the while."Hey, give me back my phone!" Said none other than Chris Brown. "In fact, I should beat you down right here right now, regardless of your sex." "How does a phone get blown away by the wind anyway? Maybe you should take care of your possessions as opposed to beating them," retorted U. Then, the following happened:

Brief A/N: Wow, can we take the time to acknowledge how concurrently intense yet vulgar this was? And though what U did to Brown wasn't as bad compared to that 13 min vid, it still meant something...

Brown barely made it out alive. Barely conscious, U then repeatedly punched Chris ( A/N-

Am I right?! HYAH!). U then stole the phone ( typical, right? Hey, don't be so quick to judge now. You probably would've done something similar if that were you/U. Hyah, funny..), launched Uber through Siri, and ordered a cab as quickly as possible, prior to the cops performing a gang sweep. Straight to Darking or simply STD. Is diss mon right or is he?

The cab then came, picked U up, and she set off, towards hope and more sexism. All the while having faith that that supposed illusion of the man on fire she saw back at the mansion on the Vizio TV will soon be either clarified or cleared, hoping that she wasn't going insane.

Anyway, you wanna know how she payed for the cab fare? Let's just say that there was a lot of heavy breathing and the car's springs bouncing up and down played major roles in the anonymous, felonious act...

Oh, did I forget to mention that U's nipples were clearly visible, similar to Rihanna's? Ohh, what a night this was...