Inglorious Impostor Presents: The Astonisher's Return

Paradise & Unorthodox (2)

It's freaking 2 a.m in the morning and I'm writing in my briefs so don't expect much! Before beginning the end the of world as we know it, I'd like to take moment of your time (haha, aren't I already?) and describe the beloved/disliked/'I guess' original characters. Rob= (Yes, like an equation but maybe like an Egyptian) a self-centered, white man trapped in a black guys body, 13 going on 30 year old, an offensive display to mankind and that of which proceeds it, an escaped fugitive, aged, 'active', somewhat deceased, black hair (but nearly bald like most shadows. I don't get how they claim that they have hair even though it's like an inch long. Lunatics), the color of a black mini refrigerator/suit/nigg (oops) a night sky, (now I'm just gonna go by his police record), 60 hit-and-runs, 5ft 7, 40 tickets, resistance, public urinating, yelling at a cop, resisting arrest, 250lbs/WWE star, grimy, dark, pale, livid, hot-tempered, and a descendant from Black Jesus (aren't we all). I'm funna break up da paragraphs so it's easier for you to read.

Black: self-explanatory, Jesus, omniscient, strong/possibly buff, 50yrs for showing a cop his wang (ahh, the fair and just ways as of now.), calm like a friendly giant, Tyler perry, advocate of Obama and killer of Romney, murderer of half of ATP (Americas total population), 1oz, 6ft, Usain (YOU-SANE?!) Bolt lightning speed, worn down, joyous, intrigued by woman's privates, jaw-dropping, starred in cop shows like L&O, textbook liberal agenda, leathery skin, white teeth, vigorous ways, enhanced vision, etc.

U: most likely a pile of 8888 (no but uh, in all seriousness she has a prosthetic vagi8 and pursued prostit at Florida state), performed an improbable yet abnormally large amount of prostate and oral 'exams', bubble butt (fun word to say), boobs are ginormous and jaw-dripping needless to say, wait didn't I describe on the island chapters? Screw you America, not notifying me and instead demanding lengthy/lanky descriptions of the dynamic trio and an idiotic (don't I mean most of them. What? I'm being fair.) blonde. You may proceed through the entrance of a certain hole and Snipes' evasive ways. Furthermore, what the fudge people? Like and comment! Did I not go through that in 'Sailor Mouth'. You can all rot in hellahhhh (heavy emphasis for Jews).

A few days to a couple of months to a year [A/N- 'shouldn't the trio be deceased by now, considering the fact that many years has passed by and due to certain diseases that affect their withering souls?' One John Doe may ask. This is a book America, you're ruining the ebb and flow, you know what I mean? 'Course you don't because all of the garbage on the airwaves has not only desensitized you but it acts as a replacement for a book. Speaking of which, ebb and flow, do you smoke pot? But uh... Yeah. Choo choo tsk tsk boom boom. Erectile dysfunction, premature uhh... Eject button on a DVD player but opening abnormally. 2Pac= 'slave with a golden chain around his/her neck,' or something like that.] passed by and Rob and Black recovered from the shot/stab wounds (Black and Rob stabbed each other in order to get even, but who cares. They did not rehabilitate in the mind, however). After recovering from a nearby hospital in Kokomo, (using unsterilized instruments to perform operations on the two gentlemen to remove the bullets and steal organs and any other parts the doctors could salvage while Rob and Black were knocked out by anesthesia), Cinnamon drove them back to the the Pacific in a stolen rental black sedan. All was well. [A/N- Yeah right! New thing I'm trying out by da way. Author's note. We still have a story to tell, right America? Good, good. That's a relief. For a second there, I thought you were doubting me. If you were then I'd get the "Mellowness" and "Hershey's chocolate bar" and wrap it up in a nice bundle for yah.] After crossing through multiple deserts and trash like Fetty Waps and unknown hillbillies that are complete ghosts in the national data base, U reached the mansion and entered through the door while Black and Rob hazily yet lifelessly followed.

"Wake up dimwits [injects each Trump advocate with 'Stolen By Product'] and get to the relaxing part!", yelled Cinnamon. "Jesus. Fine, fire up the jacuzzi and wait for me. I'm gonna hook Black up with the floozies in the garage. Ohh... They're unconscious and uhh... Nude. Well, it's your lucky day 'Rig. Now get pounding, eating, puffin', sleeping, whatever works for you or our kind does during these situations." Said Rob. "Wait, buddy. Do you mind stabbing yourself one last time and hanging out with me? I'm just a poor, lonely old fellow who took the easy way out," asked Black. "Fine (AHHHHHH!! GET THE BLEEPING GAUZE!). Look, buddy, we've been pals ever since we were kids but now we're grown-ups and my chick is requesting a bang. Plus, I'm illegally married. This is the chapter where we relax and our God does stuff to us, like, ahh screw it, you don't want to know. Anyway, I know what I did was terrible and you're in a tough position; I get that and I'll be there for moral support. You know what, to hell with it, I'll help you find a pretty gal and throw a bachelor's party for yah after the heist. How does that sound? We've been like brothers to each other and we'll always be stuck together, no matter what. But as of now, you need to relax, take a breather and prepare for the big job. Black Jesus is telling me the same thing through the landline," consoled Rob. "Thanks pal. I really needed that. You can go now, I'll er... Take care of the bodies if you know what I mean (Yadda!).", said Black. "You SOB, you're forgetting something.", Rob said. "What? Ohh... The prototype! Thanks brah!", congratulated Black. "No prob pal. Alright, the blood is heading downtown so I gotta get get before it dies down. Puff puff my brotha and most important of all, ENJOY! WOOHOO!", admitted Rob.

This is the part where I describe how each person relaxes so yeah, lemme get on with it.

Rob & U: "Butler, can you pour me the usual?" , asked Rob. "Good choice sir, the molten whiskey. And good to have you back, do remember to stay away from gangs, you recall what occurred last time.", said the Butler. "Yeah yeah. Thanks. Cheers and here's U.", offered Ron. "You too. This fruity drink is delicious. What's in it?", asked U. "Me, silly", effeminately said a homosexual who I shall not name. "Wow, the bubbles are really starting to get to my brain. Ahhh yeahhh, that's it. Whoa, thats your feet, not the jets but keep on rubbing to your heart's content and hand down [Haha!] the 40oz bottle of whiskey and every other alcohol beverage along with turning the bubbles and temperatures up and adding fresh spring water to the tub where I wash me booty. Do you mind turning the jets up a notch honey?", surrendered Rob. "Of course.". Just then, due to the powerful, somehow marketable, jets, Rob was boosted into the sky [A/N Like the looney effects in earlier movies prior to the discovery of CGI] and fell down with a thud, permanently breaking his neck yet, out of a miracle, somehow able to talk. "Get me Stephen Hawking.", he calmly requested. "What about Yadda [It's a word now]?", she desperately asked. "Alright, fine. Drag me to the jacuzzi with caution so my skin doesn't scrape off of the cement (It's already worn out like ET's) and lets get down, your head specifically, ahem.", that's what he said, pushing her head to the floor of the jacuzzi, struggling for air. "Your package is big. Amazing but hey, blacks right? That things gonna go all the way to my stomach but eh, who cares if it's abnormal. Aren't whites?", asked U to America. "Ohhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh", sighed Rob with a deep voice. "Faster! Didn't your father teach you how to plow fields?", offensively said U. "Whoa, take it down a notch before I force it to go through your mouth and then we'll see who's gagging.", threatened Boob, extending his neck back and forth, like in Yadda only with a different device. "Continue...", that's what she said!

Black: [Rubs hands together] "Holy 8888. In reality, the bluff is about the same size as a thick textbooks. Again, holy 8888 and this time, smokes! Well, time go through what I did in the chapter 'The Object that Lived'. Wait, still gotta thrust my way through these who888 in search of an appealing one. OHH man, giggity giggity JACKPOT and also POT and ATLANTIS!", GRINNED BLACK. The slurpee waked up and rubbed her head, looking around. "Who are you?", she asked. "Do you wanna have shmex?", he asked. "Get it on cowboy!", she seductively foreplayed for you horny per88888/teens. "We'll have a formal introduction after we engage [Bringing back those old laymen terms]. There's a hot tub and a mini-bar so screw AA and lets escape into our wildest fantasies!", smoked Black. "Jeez. Scotch, martini, beer, good old Atlantis, it's paradise all over again (lol. To reflect modern times). Before we jungle boogie, gotta tell you what you're getting into, literally. An infected, moldy, 12 in, ferris wheel.", he said. "Not a problem, I dealt with worse things.". After the overwhelming dialogue and prior to entering the hot tub with its soothing, foamy, microwave-warmed, awe-inspiring, aspirin formula, deadly substances that lurk below whilst gnawing on their privates [at ease!] sleep-inducing, hydrating, rubbing under and up (starting from the bottom) intoxication, the two strangers got high into the sky with 'Stolen Byproduct' and 'Atlantis' [they were in a large body of water, coincidentally] and entered into parallel and doggystyled universes and it felt like the gift of a lifetime, only this is legal, according to Trump.