Finding the Missing Piece: Book 3

Chapter Ninety-Eight

Katniss POV- (A couple of hours later, home)

"Peeta, please let me come in?" I ask as I continue knocking, like I have for an hour.

I can hear him inside our bedroom, sobbing.

"Please, just go downstairs. I'll be out soon, Katniss." Peeta says.

I can hear things being thrown around our bedroom and I can hear him slamming his fist on the wooden floor and crying out in pain after.

I know it's best for me to leave him alone right now, let him get it all out but I promised him and myself that I wouldn't.

He never left other than to go into a different room while I was having my breakdown but I'm not leaving him, even if I can't be by his side.

I decide that I'll just quit bothering him but I stay outside our bedroom, so I can say I didn't leave.

Eventually, he comes out.

He looks like he's aged so much, just since this morning.

His eyes droop and have bags, the blue is dull and his posture is hunched, his lips form a pout.

I get up off the floor and walk to him, seeing that his hands are bloody and busted open.

"Oh my goodness, Peeta." I say, taking his hands carefully.

He shakes his head, "I'm fine."

I look deeper into his blue eyes and see not only the color blue, but the feeling.

Blue.

Melancholy.

Depressed.

Sad.

"Let's get you cleaned up." I say, trying not to look him in the eyes now.

"I said that I am fine." Peeta shoots at me, frustrated.

"Okay, you may be but your hands aren't." I say, trying to guide him into the upstairs bathroom but he refuses.

"I said I am fine, Katniss!" Peeta hisses at me.

I stare down at the floor and try not to cry.

I have to be strong for him.

He's hurting and I treated him way worse when Prim died.

"I guess it's going to be like when Prim died, huh? Some major payback for me." I mumble and walk down the stairs.

He just stands there with a dumbfounded expression.

I remember how I bit him and yelled and screamed at him to let me go, right after Prim had taken her last breath.

I did worse to him and now I'm finally getting my due justice.

I just want to go lock myself up and cry, just like Peeta did and just like I use to when I was feeling sad.

I want to run away into the woods and cry my eyes out and hide until the problem fixes itself.

How am I going to help Peeta?

I could barely help myself and I can barely help myself, he helps me with everything.

Everything.

"Katniss, I'm sorry that I yelled at you." Peeta comes down a little bit later, dried blood on his hands.

I shake my head, "Peeta, go wash your hands." I say, not acknowledging his apology even though I should.

His face drops again, "I am really sorry." Peeta says.

"Don't worry about. Now go wash your hands, please?" I repeat.

He shakes his head, walking into the downstairs bathroom.

I let out a huge sigh as he leaves and close my eyes.

It's already destroyed everything we built back up.

Nothing is going to be able to prepare me for the months ahead.

A few minutes later, Peeta comes back with clean, bandaged hands.

"There." He says, plopping down next to me, making me jump as he pulls me from my thoughts.

"Thank you." I mumble, my heart racing.

Peeta sighs deeply and I gulp.

It feels like I'm trying to eat sand or glue or something.

"Listen, if we are just gonna ignore each other then what's the point of this?" Peeta says.

"I tried to be with you three hours ago when you locked yourself up in that room."

He let's out a mad laugh, "Oh yeah? And what did you do for the first month Prim was dead? If I recall right, you didn't move."

"Well, at least I didn't lock myself up and hurt myself like that." I shoot back.

"I'm not hurting myself but I don't know any other way to let out all my anger, Katniss. I'm sorry that I locked the door. I won't do it again." Peeta says.

I sigh, "It doesn't matter."

"What doesn't matter? It doesn't matter that I'm sorry or that I locked myself in or hurt myself or what?"

"I don't know, Peeta." I say, having enough of his attitude.

He has every right to act this way but this is not him.

Ever.

At least I usually have an attitude.

"Katniss, if you don't want to help me, you don't have to. I know it's going to be hard. I know it's already hard for you." Peeta says softly.

"It's not that I don't want to help you. I want to help you but you have to work with me. We found out today and we are already messes. We can't afford to get any worse." I explain.

"I'm trying to work with you but it's hard."

I look back at him, "I know it's hard for you, it's harder for me to see you like this. I am not good with words and comfort like you are, Peeta." I choke out.

"All I need you to do is be here. I don't care if you talk to me or not. All I need is you to be here to make sure I don't go insane. You don't have to hug me or comfort me or tell be it'll be okay, just be here. That's all I am asking."

"I'm not going anywhere but you can't do what I did, Peeta. You're too strong to do what I did."

"I'm not strong but I'm also trying to be for you."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"It's not like they really cared about me anyways. I don't know why I'm so upset."

I open my eyes, "Because it was your family. Your parents and your brothers. That is why you are so upset and no one expects you to be fine. Especially me."

"Well, to be honest, I'm not fine."

"I know you're not fine." I tell him softly.