Fate Weaver's convergence

C34

Where was I with my thoughts?

After my short distraction caused by some internal confusion, I brought myself back to something I hadn't initially thought of.

Ah, right, if even my mind is limited, if everything I think of or do is still limited by my mental capacity... I can slash one of my theories away... Hopefully.

The thoughts of how I was here made me nauseous whenever I thought about the worst possibility.

Possession... I'd known for some time now that if I found that without a doubt that it was the case, it would have driven me to suicide. If I couldn't free her from me, I couldn't force her, if she were able to witness everything, to sit captive within her own head as someone else lived her life.

 The thought of it scared me from time to time after experiencing Kiyomi's memories.

Let alone that, what of the people that I would have affected? If I killed myself as my out... Mama, she'd be devastated. So would the others. Lorn would feel horrible, undoubtedly. Avery would be sad. And now-

I glimpsed back to the two who I'd been following to our destination.

-these two. Beryl, and Vaughn. They'd lose a friend. I'd be a piece of shit, and a bigger coward than when I died.

I moved on from the specific topic, as I could feel it dampening my mood.

Back to it. Possession. If it were as simple as that, I wouldn't be experiencing this much limitation to my consciousness... to my emotions even... From what Mama told me, after extended questioning about when I space out, my mood and character don't really divert from what I was doing. Meaning that Kiyomi and my own thought processes work in tandem? Whenever I'm not fully in control, it still feels like I'm doing something. It's just... it feels like I'm acting on a base impulse? Something I want, but my personality would usually restrict?

I was caught next on what our state would be instead, now that possession was out of the question. I'd been referring to myself as 'us' anytime I experience memories or dreams where I didn't feel entirely in control.