StarChaser// Jegulus||✔️

Regulus

September 1st
Fourth Year
I guess I should be happy to be going back to Hogwarts but the truth is, I'm finding it hard to be happy about anything. This summer was worse than last. Of course, Sirius got the brunt of Mother and Father's anger but I got my fair share of the cruciatus curse and now my hands won't stop shaking.
I never know how to feel about leaving home. Sometimes I love my parents, sometimes they can be actual parents to me. But majority of the time I despise them, loathe them even, for being the way they are, for treating Sirius the way they do, for their fucked up old fashioned views. If I were to sit here and list all of the things I hate about my parents we'd be here until Christmas. I suppose there's more to hate than there is to love about this place. The only thing I'll miss at Grimmuald Place is Kreacher. He's the only one that's shown me true kindness.
"Is Master Regulus ready for the train, sir?" Kreacher asks, standing at my door. I smile at the elf and nod "I am yes, thank you, Kreacher"
"Of course, Master Regulus, Kreacher will take Master's things to the door"
"Thank you, Kreacher"
"Kreacher loves to serve Master Regulus and the Nobel House of Black"
The Nobel House of Black
There's nothing noble about this damn house. I hate it. It's dim, dark, dingy and filled to the brim with childhood trauma...and also just regular trauma.
"Kreacher" I say before the elf can leave the room
"Yes, Master?" Asks Kreacher
"Have you checked on Sirius?"
"Master Sirius has his things packed and at the door, Master Regulus"
"Is he okay?"
"Master Sirius is in his room, he wishes to be alone"
Sirius often wishes to be alone, he hates it here more than I do, and why wouldn't he? He's not like the rest of the family. He's not like...me
I hate that comparison 'why can't you be more like Regulus?' 'why can't you act like a true heir, like Regulus?'
I'm surprised that Sirius keeps coming home each summer. I dread the day where he doesn't. He's bound to leave me eventually, bound to abandon the family and never look back. I wouldn't blame him, but that doesn't mean that part of me won't resent him if he leaves me behind, which he will.
"Thank you, Kreacher, that'll be all" I say, Kreacher nods and leaves the room to do the rest of his chores. I decide to take a trip to my brother's room down the hall.
I knock.
No answer.
I knock again,
No answer.
I open the door anyway
"Go away" says Sirius
"It's only me" I reply
"I don't care, Reg"
"I just wanna check if you're ready, we're leaving soon"
"Yes"
"Okay"
"Reg"
I stop. I never miss a chance to spend time with my brother. I wish we had a better relationship. I wish I wasn't so compliant with our parents. I wish he didn't resent me. I wish a lot of things
"What is it, Sirius?"
"How're you feeling about going back?"
"Glad to get away from here"
"Me too, bloody thrilled actually"
"I can imagine"
There's silence once more and I debate whether to stay or to go
"Reggie"
"Yes"
Sirius stands up and walks over to me. He engulfs me in a hug which is a very rare occurrence, not an unwelcome one though
"You know I'm here for you always, I'm your brother, regardless of anything, I'm always here even when I'm not"
"Thanks"
"Boys we're leaving. Get downstairs now" the grating voice of our mother travels up the stairs and we both groan but make our way down the stairs nonetheless.
We aparate to Kings Cross which always makes me feel sick but mother hates when I bring it up so I stay quiet. "Reg" Sirius whispers, handing me a pill "travel sickness" Sirius adds and I nod, smiling at him "Thanks" I say, shoving the pill in my mouth.
"Right, Regulus, your mother and I shall see you at Christmas" Father says to me. I nod. Sirius and I regard our parents before parting ways. Sirius goes to find James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew whilst I find my friends, Barty Crouch Jr and Evan Rosier.
However, before I spot them I see Pandora Malfoy. I think if anyone were to ask my who my best friend is, I'd tell them about Dora. Pandora and I met in a Herbology class in second year and have been best friends since. We eat lunch together every Wednesday, we walk to lessons together and every Friday night we play wizard's chess in the Ravenclaw common room. Dora is the one and only person I trust whole heartedly, the only person I care for most in the world. In fact, I think Pandora Malfoy is probably my favourite person ever, and that's why when I see her my entire face lights up. She smiles at me and greets me with a hug.
"Hello, Reggie" Says Dora with a smile
"Hello, Dora" I reply, an equal smile on my face
"How was your summer?" Asks Dora as we get on the train together
"The same as the last summer" I reply and she grimaces
"I'm sorry, Reg" she says, I wave her off "How was yours?" I ask
"Pretty good, but boring" she replies
"Pandora Malfoy have a boring summer? I doubt that"
She smiles and shakes her head "I did do something eventful"
"Oh? What's that?"
"I met someone"
"Who?" I almost get protective in my tone
"Xenophelius Lovegood" Dora replies, almost shy
Xenophelius Lovegood? He's not good enough, not for my Dora
"Do you like him?"
"Very much so"
"Is he good to you?"
"He is"
"That's all that matters then"
She smiles at me "I have to go, Reggie, I'll see you later" says Dora, she kisses me on the cheek and I smile "Goodbye, Dora" I reply.
I think one day if neither of us find anyone, Dora and I could get married, not because I fancy her, not because I'm in love with her, but because I care for her.
I don't think I'm built to love women in the way one should when one marries a woman. I've never felt to be in love with a woman, granted I am only fourteen, but I feel like even now I should have at least found one woman attractive and yet I have not. I mean, even Sirius has posters of half naked girls on his wall, though that was mainly to piss off our mother.
I push my thoughts aside and find Barty and Evan in a carriage.
"Hello, Reg" they say
"Hello" I reply, sitting opposite them.
"How was your summer, Reg?" Asks Evan
"Boring, yours?" I ask
"Not bad, my parents took my sister and I to America, it was pretty cool"
"Doesn't sound half bad. How about you Barty?" I ask
"Spent most of it out the house away from my father so I'd call that pretty good" Barty replies
I laugh dryly, if only I could spend time away from my parents.
"Anything from the trolley, dears?" Asks the trolley witch
"Pumpkin pasty, please" Asks Evan
"I'll take a licorice wand" says Barty
"Nothing for me, thanks" I say
The witch hands Evan and Barty their sweets and they pay her and then we're left alone once again.
After a while of us talking we decide it's probably time for us to get changed into our robes. I take my stuff into the train toilets and get all of my things on. Once I dress myself in my shirt, trousers and robes I go to put on my tie, only to find that it's a Gryffindor tie. Somehow, my brother's tie and mine have managed to get mixed up. I sigh and leave my cubicle to search for my brother.
Eventually I find Sirius in a carriage with James, Peter and Remus, all of them searching for their robes I assume. I don't bother knocking, I open the car door "Sirius, you have my tie" I announce. Sirius doesn't look at me, but James does
"Why would I have your tie, Reg?" Asks Sirius, almost annoyed at the mere suggestion that he would make such a stupid mistake, but he did. However, all I can focus on is James Potter's eyes burning into me.
"Well, I distinctly remember being sorted into Slytherin, yet at this moment I am holding a Gryffindor tie" I reply, and finally, Sirius looks at me. James Potter is still looking at me. Why is James Potter looking at me? Why do I not want him to stop looking at me?
"Christ, Reg, you're already dressed" Sirius exclaims, but I hardly acknowledge him. How can I when I'm under James Potter's scrutiny? When his eyes are roaming my body like I might be his last meal? How can I concentrate on anything when this boy is claiming me with his gaze? How can I concentrate when I never want him to stop? I decide to study him too, the way his hair curls and sits so elegantly on his head, his front curls long enough to cover his forehead but not too long so that it covers his eyes. His eyes. His deep, dark green eyes that stand out against his smooth, tanned skin. His eyes that are enlarged thanks to his perfectly round glasses that suit his face so well.
"Shit, Reg, sorry you do have my tie, here you are" says Sirius, snapping me out of my daydream. He hands me my tie which is now sitting limply in my hands, almost forgotten about given I got distracted.
I hand him his tie and turn to leave.
Not before taking one more look at James Potter. What a strange boy. Why does he need to stare? More importantly, why do I want him to? I almost smile at the thought of him being unable to keep his eyes off of me, but then I remember that smiling is completely out of my character...unless I'm with Dora of course, then it's allowed, but the last time I checked, James Potter is not my Dora.
I finally manage to pull my eyes away from Potter and walk away from my brother's compartment. I then bump into Lily Evans, who smiles politely at me, I acknowledge her with a nod
"Hello, Regulus" says Lily
"Hello, Lily" I reply out of politeness. Lily Evans has been nothing but nice to me, so really I have no qualms with her, no real reason to be mean to her. However, I do not stop to make small talk with her so I swiftly move on.
"Where did you go?" Asks Evan as I re-enter our compartment
"Why do you care?" I ask
"Because he's a nosy bugger is why" replies Barty and, he has a point
"Well, if you must know, my tie got mixed with my brother's tie and I'd rather die than even attempt to wear a Gryffindor tie so I had to return it to him immediately and regain what is rightfully mine; my beautiful Slytherin tie" I reply
"My dear Regulus, why do you have to be so fucking dramatic when answering simple questions?" Asks Evan
"Well, when nosy bastards stop digging into my business then I will stop being the drama queen I so evidently am" I reply, a slight grin playing on my face
"I hate that no one knows this side of you, it means no one believes me when I tell them" Barty admits
"Yeah, that's why I do it, I have a reputation, boys, you should try it out sometime" I remark
"Oi, watch it or I'll hex you" Evan threatens
I gasp dramatically "you wouldn't dare wound me" I say, feigning shock
"Shut up you tosser" says Barty, but we all laugh nonetheless.
Eventually we arrive at our destination: Hogwarts.
Let fourth year commence then.

_________________________________

Hello there my lovelies!

How are we all today? I hope you're all thriving. I have decided that Regulus was 100% a drama queen and 100% acted this way with Barty and Evan and if you disagree you're wrong xoxo

Anyway I hope you all have a wonderful day, I love you all billions!

Stay wonderful!

All my everlasting love,
Blue<3