StarChaser// Jegulus||✔️

Regulus

TW: mentions of blood, mentions of knives, depictions of child abuse, depictions of drowning, insinuation and mention of death
I arrive outside of 12 Grimmuald Place in the early hours of the morning and I summon Kreacher.
"Master Regulus?" Asks Kreacher
"Kreacher, I need your help" I reply
"Master Regulus is supposed to be at Hogwarts, Master Regulus is not supposed to be home yet, Mistress will not be happy" Kreacher states
"I'm not coming inside, Kreacher, I need you to come with me somewhere, can you do that?" I ask
"Of course, Master, Kreacher lives to serve the Noble House of Black" Kreacher replies
"Brilliant, hold on" I say, offering my arm now that I can finally apparate.
He takes my arm and we apparate, ending up in the cave that has visited my nightmares so frequently.
"Master Regulus, what are we doing here?" Asks Kreacher.
"Okay, Kreacher, I need you to listen closely. I need you to do as I say, don't question it, just do it. Do not try to save me, if the inferi pull me in, get yourself out. There will be two lockets, I'm going to hand you one now. The locket I give you is to replace the real locket, when you get the real locket, I want you to leave the cave and destroy it. If you can't destroy it then find someone who can, whatever happens, though, you must promise not to punish yourself if you fail. I don't want to hurt you, Kreacher, I just need your help" I explain
"Yes, Master...of course" Kreacher replies haphazardly.
"I need you to cut my hand" I order, handing Kreacher a pocket knife I stole from the kitchens.
Kreacher hesitantly takes the knife and winces as he slices my hand.
I grit my teeth as a searing pain spreads to my finger tips
I wave my hand over the boulder and just like before, it moves.
Kreacher and I step into the cave. The boat is just where The Dark Lord left it, so we step on.
Anxiety creeps up my spine and spreads over my body as I take in exactly what I'm doing.
This is the last place I'll ever say, because I can't leave here alive, not if I want to choose my own path.
I choose where I go and where I end, not The Dark Lord.
The boat creeps along the river and a few inferi hands scrape over the sides of the boat, hungry, desperate for their next victim.
Me.
I'm their next victim.
We reach the island and the pillar has been refilled with the Potion of Despair.
"I need you to feed this to me, the Locket won't appear until all of the Potion is gone. I will scream, Kreacher, but you musn't stop, not even if I beg you to, okay?" I ask
Kreacher nods slowly, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation, but I need to do this.
"Yes, Master" Kreacher states solemnly, as though he's already grieving me, maybe he is.
"Oh and Kreacher" I say
"Yes, Master?" Kreacher asks
"If my Mother asks what happened, you tell her you tried to stop me, that you tried to save me, but that I sent you away" I reply
"Yes, Master" Kreacher states almost automatically, but I can see him relax slightly, knowing he won't face my Mother's wrath in the aftermath of this if she knows he tried everything he could to save me.
"I'm going to sit here, and you're going to give me the potion, when the Locket appears, replace it with the fake and leave" I order. Kreacher simply nods and walks over to the pillar.
He brings over the first bout of potion and I drink it.
It's sour.
I crinkle my nose at the taste, but as soon as I swallow, my body goes rigid and I feel white hot pain searing all throughout my body before I begin to shake, and then I'm transported.
I know I'm being transported into a memory, and this is where the real suffering begins.
I'm stood in my living room, surrounded by my family, Sirius is stood in front of both of my parents, shaking his head
"No, I won't take it" Sirius states adamantly
"You will" Mother retorts
"I will not" Sirius shoots back
"Damn it, Sirius, you will obey!" Exclaims my Father.
He shoots the cruciatus curse at Sirius and I watch Sirius crumple and fall to the floor, his screams ringing through my ears.
I will for them to stop, I beg for them to stop, but they don't.
I try to cover my ears but my arms seem glued to my side and I am utterly helpless as my brother screams
The scene changes and I'm transported to a new memory, one that takes place during Sirius' first year at Hogwarts.
"Mother, I feel sick" I say, standing in the door of my parent's bedroom in the early hours of the morning.
"Get back to bed!" Mother snaps
"But I feel sick and I'm scared" I retort
"Don't be such a child, Regulus" Mother chides
"But Sirius always let's me stay in his bed when I'm sick, he sings me lullabies and helps me sleep" I reply
"You mean to tell me you frequently sneak out of your room after hours?" Asks Mother
"Only when I'm scared" I reply
"You are a Black, Regulus, we don't get scared" Mother states, now out of bed and striding over to me with purpose.
Fear grips me by the throat and I suddenly feel regret consuming me whole as my Mother's hand collides with my face
"I never want to hear of you leaving your room after hours again is that understood?" Asks Mother
"But" I begin to protest but she slaps me again and the sting of it spreads across my face, so I nod and walk away where I cry myself to sleep
The scene shifts once more and I'm back at Hogwarts with James.
"I'm sorry, James, but I can't get back together with you" I say
"Why not?" Asks James
"I'm with Arlo now" I reply
"But I love you"
"You need to get over that"
"How can you say that?"
James looks genuinely hurt and it pulls at my heart strings
"Because each time you beg for me back it breaks my heart, You're making me feel guilty for getting into a new relationship" I say, sounding almost exasperated
"I'm sorry, I'll be better. Let me be better, please, Regulus, I need you" James replies
"Why don't you take your chances with the person you really want to be with, James, instead of pretending to want me so bad?" I ask
James looks as though I've just struck him across the face with a bat
"But I do want you" James replies in almost a whisper
"Really? You want me when Lily Evans is practically throwing herself at you?" I ask
"But I don't want her"
"That's not what you were saying before you got with me"
"Exactly, before you, I now know she's not the one for me, you are, Reg. When are you going to see it? When are you going to understand? You're the only one for me"
"Well maybe you're not the one for me"
James stares at me slack-jawed in utter disbelief
"Yeah, that's why you've been fucking me behind your boyfriend's back" James states vehemently before he turns his back and storms out of the room
The scene changes once more and I'm on a battlefield.
"Come on, Vance, you can do better than that" Evan goads as he sends a spell in Emmeline Vance's direction
"Isn't Evan so sexy when he duels, Reggie?" Asks Barty
"So sexy" I agree with a grin
"Okay, hands off though, he is mine" Barty warns with a raised brow
"All yours, Bart, no threats here" I reply holding up my hands
A spell narrowly misses Evan, just cutting his upper arm
"That's my boyfriend you stupid prick!" Barty exclaims as he kills Dirk Perryman
The air tenses as Evan and I exchange a look of worry, both of us under the impression that Barty is about to die, however, when Evan looks forward again, he drops to the floor as he's hit with the Killing Curse,
Evan is dead.
I feel my body shake again as pain courses through me once more, but then it stops and my vision clears, I'm back in the cave and I can finally breathe again.
"Master Regulus?" Asks Kreacher
A wave of sickness floods through me.
Deep breaths, Regulus
"Did you exchange the lockets?" I ask
"Yes, Master" replies Kreacher
"Go, Kreacher" I order.
Kreacher says nothing, he just disappears, leaving me alone in the cave.
Only when Kreacher leaves do I double over and vomit over the side of the island.
I forgot about the inferi.
Their hands shoot up, hundreds of them.
I try to scoot away as fear creeps up on me and engulfs me whole.
I try to get away but I can't. One of them grabs a hold of my ankle and their grip is like a vice.
They're strong, too. I try to pull against them but it's no use, they have me in their grasp and they will stop at nothing to claim me as their next victim.
I don't want to die.
The realisation is suffocating.
I don't want to die.
I don't want to die.
I don't want to die.
My legs are in the water now, the water is so cold. It's like ice, which is making it harder for me to breathe.
I don't want to die
I don't want to die
I don't want to die.
J read somewhere once that when drowning, panicking makes things worse, so I need to calm down.
There is nothing calming about this situation.
My waist is now in the water
I don't want to die
I don't want to die
I don't want to die
I think about James.
Lovely James.
Oh how I'll miss him, Oh how sorry I am that I had to leave him. Wonderful, lovely, beautiful James.
My James.
Always My James.
I feel my breathing come back to me somewhat normally as I continue to think about James.
I hope James got his letter.
I hope he reads it and I hope more than anything that he's not mad at me, that he doesn't hate me, that even through this, he loves me the way he says he always has, because I don't want to die thinking that the love of my life hates me.
I don't want to die at all.
More inferi claw at my body, I can feel my skin being ripped apart by their bony hands and part of me wonders if Arlo may be a part of this crowd.
I push away the thought, that's not what I want to think of in my last moments.
I know there's no getting away now, I'm almost shoulder deep into the water, but I just my arms anyway, trying so desperately to push myself out of their grip, but I suppose when you come across shark infested waters you're bound to be bitten.
In a body of water full of infeei I had no chance the moment my toecap touched the water.
As the hands continue to claw at me I continue to struggle.
I don't want to die
I don't want to die
I don't want to die
I begin to sob almost uncontrollably which isn't helping my breathing as the full weight of my mortality crushes me.
I can't breathe.
I'm about to die.
I'm about to die and all I can think about is James.
I think about all of his features, drinking them in for the last time, because if I'm about to die, I may as well do so thinking of my only comfort.
So I think about James' eyes
James' smile
James' freckles
James' dark skim
James' curls and how they feel running through my fingers
James' dimples.
I think of every inch of James Potter's body that I have explored as I sink deeper into the water.
I don't fight the water when it consumes me, because I'm thinking about My James.
My head is pulled under the water, and soon my vision goes black.

___________________________

Hello there my lovelies,

I stand here once more, like a politician, apologising for my actions and begging for forgiveness.
Reggie thinking of James in his last moments??? Gut wrenching, heart breaking. I'm literally shitting tears, banging my fist against a brick wall, screaming, eating gravel, I'm doing the works rn (I wrote it...)
Okay so remember when yous were all like "please don't kill off Regulus or James" and I would be all ominous like "I cannot make promises rn" that is because Regulus was always going to die.
This fanfiction was never going to have a happy ending and I'm honestly sorry for that because you guys seemed to have gotten really attached to my portrayals of the characters which I honestly did not expect.
I will be publishing a final long author's note at the end of this fic where I basically explain the whole discourse of this fic and what my original intentions were and how they actually panned out etc but until then we have one chapter left!!!
Anyways, I hope yous enjoyed this one (if you could??? Please don't be mad at me I'm literally judt a girl😩)! I'll catch you in the next one! Until then, have a great day my loves!

Stay wonderful!

All my everlasting love,
Blue<3