StarChaser// Jegulus||✔️

Regulus

TW: depictions of grief, depictions of smoking
James hasn't left his bed for almost three weeks now.
There have been two more battles since then, and he wasn't there for either, he hasn't been to any Order meetings and apparently he's been missing meetings with Professor Flitwick.
I've never seen him this way, and frankly, it breaks my heart.
But James was there for me when Evan died, so I need to be here for him through this.
I need to be here for Sirius too, Sirius managed to get out of bed after a week and a half of grieving, but he hasn't spoken to anyone, not even Remus.
Fleamont was like Sirius' Father, considering our Father did such a shit job there, so to Sirius, he lost a parent in the same way that James did.
Except, Sirius has only known Fleamont for seven years, James has known Fleamont almost eighteen years and has never had to live without him, so grief has hit him hard, but we've all been looking out for him, we made sure he didn't latch on to any unhealthy attachments like drugs or alcohol and we all made sure he had three meals a day and plenty of water as well as some company at least once a day.
And by we, I mean me, Remus, Peter, sometimes Sirius, Lily, Mary and Marlene. We all banded together to take care of James because in one way or another, he's always taken care of us.
Today I'm visiting James as I have no more lessons for the rest of the day.
"Hey" I say softly as I come and sit at his bedside. He doesn't reply, he just rolls over.
"I thought maybe you could try getting in the shower? We can't just keep doing bed side washes" I continue.
James has been refusing to get up other than to use the loo, so we've been brushing his teeth and giving him quick washes with a flannel just to make sure he didn't completely lack in personal hygiene.
He grunts.
"You have to get out of bed at some point, you can't just lay there forever and waste away"
James turns to face me this time, which is new.
He's grown some stubble over the past few weeks and it doesn't suit him.
"Why not?" James asks, his voice raspy and coarse from a lack of using it
"Because it's making you feel worse, and you don't deserve that" I reply
"Yes I do" James retorts
"You can't sit here and blame yourself when you and I both know you couldn't have saved him in time. I know you think it happened in slow motion, because that's the way I saw it when Evan died, but it wasn't slow, James, it happened quickly, before you could even take a breath, you couldn't have saved him" I reply
"But I wanted to" his voice cracks and it breaks my heart
"I know, baby, and that's what matters, is that you wanted to, that is enough for anyone. Fleamont wouldn't have wanted you to waste away, he would have wanted you to continue on and uphold his memory"
James contemplates this for a moment
"Just the shower?" He asks
"Just the shower" I repeat softly
"Will you come in with me?"
"Of course, I will, I'll do anything for you"
"Okay"
"Okay?"
"Yeah, I'll shower"
I smile and offer him a hand to help him out of bed which he takes. He hauls himself out of bed and wobbles slightly on his feet given he's barely stood up in weeks.
"Can I brush my teeth first?" James asks cautiously
"You can do whatever you want in whichever order makes you happy" I reply
James nods and I follow him into the bathroom. I wet his toothbrush, put some toothpaste on it, wet it once more and hand him the toothbrush. He brushes his teeth for a lot longer than two minutes, but I stand and I wait for him, because he would and has done the same for me.
I'll always wait for him.
Anywhere, any time, I'll wait.
He finally finishes brushing his teeth and takes a deep breath as I turn on the shower and wait for it to warm up.
I help James undress and I take off his glasses, folding them and placing them on the side in the bathroom.
We both step into the shower and I watch the water run down his dark skin and wet his dark curls.
I grab the shampoo first and squirt some into my palm, rubbing my palms together before placing them into James' hair. I massage his scalp, lathering layer after layer of shampoo into his hair before then washing the shampoo out. I then condition his hair, rinse it and begin to wash his body.
When we're finished in the shower, I help him towel dry "Would you like to shave?" I ask tentatively. James simply nods and I offer him a small smile as I grab the razor and the shaving cream and then I fill the sink with warm water.
I rub the shaving cream over his chin and his top lip. I wet the razor and gently drag it along his face until the cream disappears, leaving James' smooth face in its wake.
I wash off his face and retrieve him some clothes.
As James gets dressed, I change his bed sheets, leaving the dirty ones in the laundry basket for the house elves to take.
"I feel exponentially better" James states as he walks out of the bathroom, looking brand new.
"Good, I'm glad" I reply with a smile
"Thank you"
"You don't need to thank me"
"I do, I needed to get out of bed. Do you know how many people have tried? Marlene tried fucking carrying me out of bed, she damn near dropped me onto a bedside cabinet. Mary tried shouting at me. Lily tried sweet talking me. Remus tried reasoning with me. Peter tried bribing me and Sirius just cried at my bed side. But you talking about what Dad would have wanted made me realise that I'm dishonouring his memory if I just lie there and hope I never have to get up again"
"You did the very same for me, James. We all wanted to look after you because you always look after everyone, it was your turn to be looked after"
James engulfs me in a hug. My hand runs through his hair and then strokes up and down his back as he holds on to me for what feels like a life time.
"Where is everyone?" Asks James
"I expect they're headed to the Great Hall for dinner" I reply
"Can we go down together?" Asks James
"Are you sure you're ready for that?" I ask
"If I don't do it now, it'll only get scarier for me if I put it off. So I need to do it for me" James replies
"Then we'll go down together" I state, settling the whole conversation, and my response seems to calm James slightly, and it even adds a small smile to his face.
We head down to dinner and when we enter the Great Hall, no one can quite believe that James is walking in with me.
"James!" Remus exclaims happily.
"You're out of bed" Sirius says.
No one moves.
James is out of bed and Sirius is talking, it's a day of revolution apparently.
"What are you all gawking at? I had a voice I just wasn't using it" Sirius asks
"Yeah that was the problem, usually our issue is not being able to shut you up, so you can imagine our dismay when you suddenly started shutting up" James retorts
Everyone laughs and just like that, the atmosphere reverts to normal, everyone is the way they were again, and the grief has eased.
In this moment, they're just a group of boys nearing the end of their final year at school, sitting, joking and eating together, no war consuming their thoughts, no grief consuming their life.
In this moment they exist happily together.
And for the first time in months I feel like I can breathe.
After dinner, I head to my dorm room where Barty is already sat smoking, so I join him.
"How's James doing?" Asks Barty before he takes another drag of his cigarette
"He's good, he got out of bed, had a shower, had a shave and even went down to dinner" I reply
"Well fuck me, he's as good as new" Barty remarks
"You'll get there too" I state
"Mmm, well, probably sooner than I thought, the Dark Lord has requested me personally to help him. He requested me" Barty sounds almost excited by this declaration which worries me.
Barty has been saying worrying things recently that convey actual support for the Dark Lord.
At first he joined to spite his Father, and then Evan died by the Order's hand and ever since he has been actively and openly supporting the Dark Lord.
It worries me.
Obviously, he can make his own decisions and have his own beliefs, but I worry that the grief of losing Evan as well as the prospect of losing his Mother has made him lose his sanity, because he has changed a lot in the past few months.
He's still Barty at his core.
Except he's not.
I push my thoughts away because there's no reason to worry myself about all those things at once right now.
"To do what?" I ask
"Dunno yet but it'll be good to do something" Barty replies with a shrug
"I agree, it'll be good for you to get out" I say
He grunts in agreement and breathes smoke out of his mouth, stubbing out the butt of his cigarette and turning his attention to me.
"As good as you look under this moonlight, you'd look so much better in my bed" Barty states with a grin, I smile and stub out my own cigarette as he leans in to kiss me.
We move to Barty's bed and begin to undress one another as Barty slips himself between my legs in the way he always does.
The feel of his body on mine is so familiar, and I know I'm going to miss the familiarity of it, because I know now that I need to stop sleeping with Barty if he's ever going to get a chance of getting better.
I need to stop sleeping with Barty because the only person I want to sleep with is James, and every time I sleep with Barty part of me feels as though I'm betraying James.
Barty slides his hand between my legs and grips me before pumping his hand up and down making me moan and lean into him as he kisses down my neck.
He then takes his hand away and enters me swiftly, both of us moaning at the sensation before he begins to thrust in and out of me at a steady pace, not too quick but also not too slow.
He leans into the crook of my neck and whimpers as he quickens his speed.
I moan into his shoulder and the both of us stay close to one another as we come closer and closer to our climax.
When we finish, Barty lays next to me and plays with my hands.
"Why do you wear that ring?" Asks Barty
"James gave it to me" I reply
"Why is it the sun?" Asks Barty
So I explain how James is the sun and I'm his star and that's why we wear the rings. At the end of my story Barty sighs "You're going to stop sleeping with me aren't you?" Asks Barty
"What? How did you know?" I ask
Barty offers me a small smile "You and I both know that it's always been James for you, it may have been me once for a while, but once you set your eyes on James you never looked anywhere else. He's your Evan, and I won't stand in the way of that. Plus, sex probably isn't the healthiest coping mechanism, I need to get out of the habit while I can" Barty replies
"I'm proud of you, you know? Thank you for understanding" I say
"Don't get all sappy on me now" Barty jokes
I smile and shake my head "I do love you, you know?" I ask
"I know, I love you too" Barty replies

_________________________________

Hello there my lovelies!

Chapter 80!! Woohoo!!!
(This fic was supposed to be finished by now but I keep getting ideas so now it's super long lmao)
Okay so this is a happier chapter as requested because I have been putting you all THROUGH IT as well as the characters so I thought I would give everyone a break, you're welcome!! Also this is another pre-apology because the next chapter is going to be tame-ish, but the chapter after that is going to take things swiftly downhill so prepare yourselves...
Anyway, James being taken care of by everyone he took care of is so special to me he is so so loved as he should be tbh but like I think it's so cute they all banded together to take turns of looking after him and they all gave him as much time as he needed to get better and slowly he is getting better!!! I'm so proud of him, he's so babygirl.
Also Regulus being willing to wait for James!!!
Barty in his healing era!!!
This chapter was pretty much angst free, which is rare for a marauders fic, but please don't get used to it....
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this one! I'll catch you in the next one! Until then, have a great day my loves!

Stay wonderful!

All my everlasting love,
Blue<3