StarChaser// Jegulus||✔️

James

TW: depictions of grief, mentions of death
THE DAILY PROPHET
BLACK HEIR DIES IN TRAGIC ACCIDENT WHILST FULFILLING AN ACT OF SERVICE TO THE DARK LORD
Regulus Black, 17, the heir to the Black family, has died in a cave off the coast of Cornwall after being drowned by inferi, on a mission in aid of the up and coming Dark Lord. The loss of such a sacred bloodline will surely be upsetting to all, but most upsetting of all is yet another young life lost to a war with no real purpose. It begs the question of which side will win? What is the true purpose? What will be gained at the end of all of this? But most importantly we must also ask, will it ever end?

I feel my world crash and burn
Time seems to stop
I feel a sense of numbness take over me
I can't make sense of it
Regulus can't be gone, he simply can't, I won't accept it, I can't accept it, I don't accept it.
This is a cruel trick, it's not true, I look at the entrance to the Great Hall, waiting for Regulus to walk in, but he doesn't.
He can't, because he's dead.
Regulus is dead.
My Regulus is dead.
He's gone.
I stop reading the paper, not only because it infuriates me, but because I can't read anything past the swell of tears that quickly heat my eyes.
Regulus is dead.
My Regulus is dead.
He's gone.
I'll never see him again.
I can't even begin to believe it. I won't believe it. I don't want to believe it. I feel an overwhelming grief wash over me.
Regulus is dead
I drop the paper onto the table and bring shaky hands to my eyes as I stand up and leave.
Regulus is dead
He's gone
He's dead
I make it all the way to the entrance hall before I all but throw myself against a wall, slide down onto the floor and sob.
I sob because the love of my life is dead, because the love of my life is gone.
I'll never see him again.
I'll never see his face, I'll never see his eyes, I'll never hear his laugh, I'll never see his smile, I'll never run my fingers through his dark long hair, I'll never hear his voice again, I'll never get another chance to explore the wonder that is- was- Regulus Black.
I'm sure the whole Great Hall hears me cry.
Hell, I'm sure most of Scotland can hear me cry.
I don't stop, though, not for them, not for anyone.
How the fuck am I supposed to continue on without him?
Regulus is dead.
I have to live without him.
I have to carry on without him.
I can't.
I can't even imagine living without him, I know I've done it before but that seems like aeons ago, I can't fathom doing it now.
I have to.
I have to because Regulus is dead, he's gone. I'll never see him again.
The thought, the feeling is so foreign to me. I can't make sense of it.
So I just cry.
I sit on the floor in the entrance hall and I cry
It's funny how you always get told stars can die out, and you never think that it's sad, not until your star dies.
Except it's not funny
Not even one bit
It's not funny at all
My star died.
I don't have my star anymore.
I hold the star ring in my hand and cry harder, knowing that all I have left of him is objects and memories.
I suppose one day I'll be happy to have something to remember him by, I'll be happy to have memories of him to cherish.
But that's something for the future, right now I want Regulus here.
Right now I need him here because I don't want to accept and face the truth.
Someone comes and sits next to me "How about we get you upstairs" Lily says soothingly
"I don't see the point, let me sit here and waste away. There's no me if there's no him" I reply
"But there is, James, you're still here, and you know he wouldn't want you to waste away, you know he'd want you to carry on, if not for you, then for him and everyone you love, and everyone who loves you" Lily says softly
"I don't want to carry on without him" I admit
"I know, James, but at least let yourself grieve in privacy" Lily replies
She's right. I'm making a fool of myself. I'm embarrassing myself by sitting here letting everyone listen to me cry.
Everyone knows why I'm crying, but that doesn't negate the fact that it's embarrassing to publicise my grief in this way.
So maybe I should grieve in private, maybe Lily is right.
I nod and she helps me up.
I don't register the walk back to Gryffindor Tower, I don't register how I get back to my bed, but I do.
"Okay, is there anything you need?" Lily asks and I shake my head, "well, if you need me, let me know" She adds before she turns to go, but I stop her, grabbing her wrist. She turns to face me.
"Stay" I say quietly.
I really don't want to be alone.
I would like to be alone, but I don't. I think it's better if I have someone here, and Lily is one of my closest friends. Sirius can't be with me right now because he's just lost his brother and Remus needs to be there to comfort Sirius.
So Lilt is all I have.
She nods slowly and sits at the foot of my bed.
"Are you keeping the baby?" I ask
Because I have a baby now, we have a baby on the way.
"I am, but James, I don't want a relationship with you" Lily replies
This takes me aback slightly, but I don't let it show. I didn't want a relationship either, I wouldn't want to dishonour Regulus in that way, but at the same time, I want what's best for my child.
"Can I be in the baby's life?" I ask, really hoping that the answer is yes because I need something to love unconditionally, I need something to live for, and this baby can provide me with both at the same time.
"You'll be their Father, you can be as involved as you like" Lily replies
Relief floods through me and if I was in the right mind set I would even be happy, but I can't even begin to try and be happy right now.
"I'd like to. We can co-parent" I say. Lily smiles at me and nods with a hint of enthusiasm, I can tell she's so excited to be a Mum, and she's going to be such a good one.
I know I'm excited to be a Dad, I just need to give myself time to heal and grieve before I can truly show it and feel it for myself, but I know deep down that I am excited to have this child in my life.
"Would you like to know if you're having a girl or a boy?" Asks Lily
"I would" I reply, needing some form of positivity right now to help ease the caving in of my chest, to help ease the grief that is barreling down on me.
"We're having a boy" Lily says with a smile
I manage a small smile "That's incredible, Lils" I reply
"I was thinking of naming him Harry" Lily says, almost hesitantly, as though I may not agree, but in all honesty, I don't mind Lily having a name already picked out, because I'm just happy and grateful to be involved, to allowed to be a part of my son's life.
"Harry" I begin, almost thoughtfully "I like that name" I continue with a small smile. Lily practically beams at me and it warms my heart slightly.
From then on out, Lily just talks to me, distracting my mind from the grief that is wholly consuming me.
It does ignite something in me, Lily talking about this baby, it inspires a sense of purpose within me.
I truly do have something to live for here.
I have a reason to wake up, a reason to get out of bed, a reason to get through the day, to get through life in one piece.
I have a reason not to just lay in bed and let myself waste away.
One day I'll be grateful for that
When one life is lost, another is brought into the world, and I suppose there's good in that.
I'll learn to see that good one day, but for now I'll mourn my star.
For now I am bitter about the fact that it had to be my Regulus.
My Regulus
Always My Regulus

1 year later

My Dearest Regulus,
I've been without you for a year now, and I miss you more and more each waking moment.
I desperately wish I could see you one last time, but I suppose that's what these letters are for, to substitute for not being able to talk to you.
However, I do miss your voice.
I think you'd be interested to know that my baby Harry was born two months ago and let me tell you, he's the most beautiful boy I have ever seen.
Oh you would have loved him, Reg. You would have pretended not to, but I know you would spoil him.
Sirius already is spoiling him.
You should have seen him when Harry was born, he was in just as much of a state as I was, he told everyone who would listen that he and Remus were uncles.
My parents were overjoyed, too, so happy to welcome a grandson into the world.
The only person missing was you.
You're always missing, at least to me.
I feel like there's a part of me missing without you, and I'm not sure that'll ever stop.
So, I started writing you letters to help with the pain.
The thing is, the war isn't over. You helped, more than you can know, but it isn't over.
There's a prophecy, one about Harry, so Lily and I have had to go into hiding.
Dumbledore managed to find us a house in Godric's Hollow and Harry has his own room. He absolutely loves it and we're all settling in really well.
I wish you could be here, to experience everything in me. I suppose in some ways you are, but it's not the same, it'll never be the same.
I know I can't always be hung up on how much I miss you, I have to carry on, I have a son after all.
But let me tell you, my little boy is going to know all about his Uncle Regulus, how brave you were, how kind and considerate and loving and one day I hope he grows up with those same traits.
Anyway, until I learn to move on, the letters will be more frequent. I never plan to stop writing to you, not as long as I live.
It's funny how you left me with a letter, and now I'm doing the very same.
I miss you, My Star.
I love you, forever and always.
All my everlasting love,
Your James

•••

The thing you must know, dear readers, is that the letters did carry on
Well, until one day they didn't.
The letters stopped when James Potter was found dead on the stairs of his home in Godric's Hollow
One day, the Sun became reunited with his Star once more.
James can finally tell Regulus about the end of the war, about how his efforts were not in vain, about how his brother kept his promise and his legacy had been upheld after everything.
James can finally be with his Regulus again.
After all, we can't keep the stars apart for too long.

THE END

__________________________

Hello there my lovelies!!!

We have reached the end!! Oh my goodness! This is actually unreal I cannot believe she's finally finished???
Okay into the chapter because I will discuss the discourse of the fic in more depth in the final author's note!!
This chapter might seem some what disorienting at the start but that's intentional as it's supposed to mirror how disoriented James feels about Regulus' death, like he just cannot accept or believe it.
I also think it's so important that James has Lily as his support system and that Lily is willing to co-parent Harry with James so James has a reason to live because dealing with grief alone can be so so dangerous so James having support is so important.
Also the letter!!!! How cute???? But also heart breaking???
Honestly these last few chapters have been heart breaking for me but I'm so proud of this fic and how far it's come like it's actually insane.
Anyway, I'll talk more about that in the author's note.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one!! Have a great day my loves!

Stay wonderful!

All my everlasting love,
Blue<3