StarChaser// Jegulus||✔️

Regulus

TW: mentions of self harm and torture in this chapter (look after yourselves my loves)

I'm at my first Death Eater meeting, which is being held in Malfoy Manor.
Yes, Malfoy, as in Lucius Malfoy, turns out Lucius Malfoy is mega giga loaded with cash, his family has a manor and it is huge.
However, I can't take in the wonderful architecture and scenery of Malfoy Manor because I'm in my first Death Eater meeting. Everyone is sat around a long, black marble table on tall backed deep green chairs. It occurs to me that the table and chairs are the Slytherin colours, this meeting has a theme and the theme is Slytherin. I suppose that was the Dark Lord's house, and he sees it as a symbol of blood purity, at least I think he does, I haven't really got the gist of the Dark Lord's motivation and I don't plan on wrapping my head around it any time soon because frankly, I don't care, I know this side is the wrong side, and I'm biding time trying to find how I can deflect to the good side.
I look around the table, avoiding looking at the Dark Lord, he unsettles me, he has this sallow, grey skin that has this blue tint, his eyes are deep and dark, his teeth are sharp and yellow and the most odd thing, he has no nose. I don't want to ask about it, what if no one has ever, will we just never know where his nose went?
That's not important right now. I scan the table, I know a surprising amount of people at this table, there are the obvious ones like Mother, Father, Bella, Rudolphus, Cissy, Lucius, Lucius' parents and one that I did not expect, Severus Snape. When I see Snape my stomach drops and my heart jumps to my throat, he knows about my relationship with James, hell, he's the one who told everyone about it, what's stopping him from telling every Death Eater at this table. I suppose I'll just be constantly on edge every time he moves or breathes heavily, or even opens his mouth. I doubt he'll dive straight in and out my relationship in my first ever meeting, I reckon he'll save it for a convenient time, like when they're trying to weed out any double agents.
"Welcome" The Dark Lord's cold voice echoes around the room and sends a shiver down my spine. Everyone turns their attention to the Dark Lord. I don't want to give anyone any reason to single me out so I too turn my attention to the Dark Lord, but I try to focus on anything other than his face. I end up focusing on the staircase behind the Dark Lord, to give the illusion that I'm looking at him but I get to avoid his face.
The silence is deafening, the entire situation is causing anxiety to eat away at me. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be part of this, but I can't be visibly anxious, that would give me a reason to be singled out, and that's the last thing I want. I don't want to catch the Dark Lord's eye, once he notices you, there's no going back for you, you're one of his followers forever, or you die, and dying is not on my bucket list this summer.
"I am pleased to see such a large turnout of such loyal followers" his voice is chilling, it makes me feel squirmish and rather sick. His voice makes me want to crawl out of my skin and die in a hole. I remain a stoic demeaner, trying my absolute hardest not to show any emotion at all. I want to remain completely indecipherable to everyone here. I don't want these people finding any weaknesses. I don't want to be at a disadvantage here, that would greatly fuck up my plan of deflecting to the other side if someone at this table knew my weaknesses.
"The first order of business has not to do with my regime, but it has everything to do with the opposition" there is a grumble of disgust amongst the other Death Eaters, as though an opposition is completely unfathomable. "Silence!" Everyone immediately falls silent at this command, the effectiveness and speed of the Dark Lord's commands is chilling. I don't think I've fully comprehended what I'm getting into here. I don't think I understood the severity of the situation the wizarding world is in until I attended this meeting.
"It has come to my attention that Albus Dumbledore has set up a resistance of sorts, I have heard it is called The Order, that is yet to be confirmed but if anyone here hears anything of it I want you to report back to me immediately. The existence of such a resistance means that my dreams of war are finally underway, we finally have something to fight against. This resistance is bound to make a following, I am aware how much of the wizarding population is misguided, who oppose me and my regime for the wrong reasons, it is our job to convert them before they can turn to Albus Dumbledore. However, I think it is pertinent we allow for the resistance to grow, for us to have a proper fight. Soon enough when The Order has gained a larger following, we will need a spy to go and join the Order so they can report back to me and we can base our strategies on intelligence we have gained from the Order. I shall be keeping a watchful eye out for any of you I deem trustworthy and talented enough to act as a spy within the Order for me and be a member of my high ranks" there is a rush of excitement that ripples along the table at this announcement, but it is short lived.
"I also am aware that Dumbledore has caught wind of me allowing those as young as fifteen to join my following and he has implemented the same within his Order. This is simply speculation but I do believe it to be true. This, however, is no matter we need to worry ourselves with. We already have a few Hogwarts students here with us today, which puts us at an advantage. I believe it will be good for these young Death Eaters to learn how these meetings go before they return to Hogwarts in which they will spend their year gathering information for me and when they return to Death Eater meetings during their school breaks they will report back to me. I must warn you that if you return empty handed the consequences shall be dire, I am not easily forgiving as I am sure you will soon learn. It is not within my nature to show mercy to those who do not deserve it, so I would urge my young followers to pay close attention during school and ensure they find me important, useful information"
This instils fear in me, I was hoping to never have to contribute, to never be noticed, to slip into the backs of everyone's minds so that I could eventually have an easy escape given that I would have made myself easily forgettable, but now that I had to deliver information to the Dark Lord if I valued my life, which I like to think I do, then I'm surely to be noticed and remembered after a while. What if I accidentally return with good information and the Dark Lord takes a liking to me? Then again, he did mention the possibility of people becoming spies and joining the Order. If I can work my way up and be trust worthy enough to become one of the Dark Lord's spies, I could possibly become a double agent and actually spy on the Death Eaters for the Order whilst giving the Death Eaters false trails mixed in with insignificant leads. It's a risky plan, but it's the best one I have. Perhaps I'll call it plan B. Now all I need is a plan A.
"In fact, maybe it is prudent I express quite how serious I am about the consequences, do I have a faithful volunteer?" Asks the Dark Lord, everyone shifts uncomfortably, except one man who raises his hand tentatively, a fool trying to prove his loyalty.
"Ah, good, how...loyal" says the Dark Lord. He doesn't even ask the man's name before he aims his wand "Crucio!" The Dark Lord exclaims. The command makes me instantly flinch, and watching the man scream and writhe under the relentless pain reminds me of Sirius. It makes me sick. I can feel my face paling as The Dark Lord continues to torture the man until he's sobbing.
"Do I make myself quite clear?" Asks the Dark Lord, we all nod, unable to look at him lest he hasn't filled his torture quota for the day.
The meeting finishes and I feel sick to my stomach. I can't possibly be a follower of this...man? Can he even be classed as a man anymore? No. I can't be a follower of this monster. I won't.
"Did you enjoy the meeting, Regulus? It's thrilling isn't it?" Asks Mother.
That's the most emotion I've ever heard from her. She is so animated about something so immoral, something so vulgar it makes me want to sob there and then, but I don't.
"Quite. In fact, I believe it is all too exciting for me, I think I need to lay down before dinner, the thrill has gotten to my head" I lie as an excuse to escape to my room.
"Yes, quite, I'll send Kreacher to call you down for dinner when it's ready" Mother replies.
I nod and head straight upstairs.
I won't be napping. I just need to be alone for a bit.
I get into my room and sit on my bed. I stare at the dark mark on my arm, the black ink contrasting majorly with my pale skin. The mark sticks out like a sore thumb, there's no covering it up. I can't stand staring at it, I can't stand it, I don't want it on me, I want it off.
Staring at the mark ignites an angry flame within my soul, I'm violently reminded of the meeting, the memory of the unnamed man being mercilessly tortured in front of everyone. I can imagine how he's probably crying now, still shaking from the aftermath, the tremors last for days, sometimes they don't stop, I have shaky hands as a constant reminder of what my parents subject me to when they don't get their way. The anger continues to rise within me. I want this off.
I pull out my wand and conjure up a knife, a sharp one, sharp enough to cut this mark off of me. I grab a pillow and bite into it so I don't cry out.
I grip the knife and hold the point to my skin, right at the top of the mark. I slash down the mark from top to bottom and my teeth bite so hard into the pillow to hold back the scream I can feel trying to escape my throat that I almost break through the fabric. I watch, expecting blood to bloom from the fresh cut. Instead, it heals itself and restores the damaged mark. The mark is enchanted, it can't be removed.
I don't give up easily.
I try to scrape it off with the knife, biting down hard on the pillow, I watch some blood trickle down my arm and tears trickle down my cheeks but I can hope that the blood is a sign of it working. I pull the knife away at the halfway point to see if it did anything, but the moment I remove the knife, my arm mends itself, the blood disappears and the mark is restored.
In the failure of my efforts, I just sit and stare at the mark before I start to sob

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Hello there my lovelies!!

Two updates in two days? I know, crazy! I'm sorry for the severity and darkness of this chapter but i think it's prudent to be realistic about things and not sugar coat what Regulus is going through here so I will again warn you that the chapters are going to get progressively dark (hopefully not too much darker than what's been established in this chapter) but just be warned. Anyways I'll see you in the next one, until then have an absolutely wonderful day my loves!

stay wonderful!

all my everlasting love,
Blue<3