Open Your Arms

Chapter 34

December 25, 2003

Ville and I did not talk to each other for the rest of the day yesterday. Thankfully it was already night by the time we got home, so we didn't really have a reason to talk to one another. 

I slept majority of the night last night. I probably cried for about two hours, then fell asleep due to how drained/exhausted I was. 

I still can't believe that yesterday really happened. Yesterday was by far the worst day of my life. I've never been betrayed like that before. 

I should've seen it coming. Priscilla is so beautiful--much more beautiful than I am--so I can't really blame Ville for doing whatever he did with her. 

I don't know exactly what he did with her. I don't know if he stopped things halfway through or if they had a quickie, but either way, I know they did something. 

My next steps are unknown. I know that today is Christmas, so we're going to my parents' house, which means that I'm going to have to see Priscilla. I don't know if I'm going to confront her about it or not, though. 

As for Ville and I, I don't know if I'm going to be staying with him or not. 

The thought of breaking up with him hurts me everytime, but how can I be with him if he's willing to cheat on me? I tried to convince myself that just because he did it one time doesn't mean he'll do it again, but then I thought that because he already did it once, that means that he'll have more of a reason to do it again. 

I hope it was worth it to him. I hope that our relationship ending is worth it to him. 

I cry harder as I slip my Christmas pajamas on. My mom bought the whole family matching Christmas pajamas that have our name on our butts--including Ville and Russell. 

This is going to be the only Christmas I ever have with Ville. It sucks that it had to be a terrible one. Out of all the days, why did he have to do it on Christmas Eve?

I've tried so hard not to think about it, but it's all I've been able to think about. 

Getting cheated on is a feeling that I never thought that I would have to experience, especially not from Ville. My ex-boyfriend had a higher chance of cheating on me than Ville, but yet here we are. 

I guess things aren't always as good as they seem. 

Grabbing Ville's gift from our closet, I walk out of the bedroom and prepare myself to see his face. He walks out of the kitchen holding a plate of cookies that spell out "Merry Christmas". He's wearing the Christmas pajamas my mom got him. 

Seeing him being able to stand there and smile at me while holding those sickens me. I walk past him and gather all of the other gifts I got for everyone else, then set them down on the couch. 

"I'm leaving," I tell him as I get my shoes on. 

He doesn't say anything. He puts his shoes on, too. I look away from him. I grab my keys, purse, and grab as many gifts as I can hold. Ville helps with the rest. I lock the apartment behind us and walk towards my car. I put the gifts into the car and get into the drivers seat, then wait for Ville to get in. He sits down and I drive towards my parents' house. 

The whole car ride is silent. Sitting with Ville in the same area as me just makes me livid, which is surprising because I'm more upset about the situation than mad. 

Later on, I think that's when I'll be more mad. 

I never thought that Ville would be more capable of doing something like this, especially with my fucking family.