Open Your Arms

Chapter 43

May 12, 2004

A lot of time has passed since I left the tour. I'm now officially 22 weeks pregnant and it's showing. It's crazy how much my stomach has been expanding and how much it can take. My stomach is super big, but it's pretty big. 

Ryan's still the only person that knows. Anytime I hang out with Jenn and Bam and everyone, I have to wear baggy sweatshirts so that they don't notice the bump. At some point during the hangouts, Ryan and I disappear and he looks at the progress on my baby bump. 

Most of the time to avoid them asking questions, I just don't go out a lot. I'm not a celebrity, so no paparazzi follow me unless I'm out with Ryan. In that case, there's a lot of people that follow us. 

It might look suspicious since we've been alone a lot, but we've been looking at baby things--it's become out little thing that we do. Ryan isn't a huge fan of kids, but he seems really excited about this. 

There's a knock on my door and I rush to put on a sweatshirt and open the front door to find Jenn standing there. 

"Oh my God, hi!" I smile widely and hug her, being sure that my stomach is kept far from her so she doesn't question it. "Holy shit, I didn't know that you were coming!"

"It's a little surprise," She says. "I hope you don't have any dinner plans, I was wondering if you wanted to go and get something."

"To eat?" I clarify. 

She rolls her eyes. "What else would we be getting, Larissa?"

"I don't know," I put on my sandals, grab my purse, lock the apartment door, and go out with her. "Where do you want to go eat at?"

"I was thinking just the Taco Bell across the street."

"That sounds delightful," I honestly say. 

We drive to the Taco Bell and I get two tacos while she only gets one. Jenn has always eaten less than me. I used to think that it was her rubbing in my face that she was skinner than me, but that was just my insecure side of me speaking. 

They hand us our food and we sit down across from each other on a booth. 

"What made you want to have dinner with me?" I ask her, curiosity getting the best of me. 

"I haven't seen my best friend in, like, forever," She says. "I mean, when's the last time we've actually sat down and talked to each other?"

I shake my head while trying to remember. "It's probably been a year."

"Yeah, it's not okay," She shakes her head. "I really miss you."

"Well I'm here now." I rest my hand on hers to let her know that I care. 

She smiles at me, then continues to eat her taco. "After this I was thinking that we could go back to Bam's house and just hang out. Maybe you and I could watch a movie."

"We should," I smile at the thought of that. It will be nice to take a break from sleeping by myself and actually being with someone.

I miss it. I miss having the comfort in knowing that I'm not alone and that if something were to happen, I would have someone to help me. Not only am I pregnant and helpless, but I'm also alone. 

I have to break out of the habit in saying that I'm alone because I'm really not. I will never be alone for as long as I'm pregnant. This baby is not able to leave me. 

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