Open Your Arms

Chapter 96

June 3, 2007

I lean over the bed and put back on my clothes from the night before. I didn't even bother to change into the pajamas; I was too exhausted from what Ville and I did to enjoy our last night together before he goes to rehab. 

It's been hard thinking about Ville going, but it's all for the good reasons. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's for good things and we'll get better. 

We managed to get the final details of our wedding figured out. We even planned a date. We decided to have it on August 23. 

We want to have it sooner so that nothing ruins it if it is later in the year. It was decided that it's going to be in Finland, so the people that can make it can make it and the people that can't can't. 

We sent out the invitations two days ago, but we haven't gotten any RSVP's yet. Hopefully I'll get some over the time period where Ville is in rehab so it'll give me something to do. 

The only thing that I need to do now is to get myself a wedding dress and make sure that the groomsmen and bridesmaids have all their dresses and suits, but I plan on figuring all that out while Ville's gone. 

Ville appears out of the bathroom with his hair slightly damp and changed into new clothes. 

I take a deep breath. This is it. This is where I take him to the airport. 

He wanted to go to rehab in America to stay as remotely close to me as he could--and because they're better. 

I silently stand up and reach my hand out for him to grab, then we silently walk to the door and into the car where I begin to drive to the airport. 

The car ride is the worst part. It's the part where we know that there's no turning back now. We've committed too much to get to this point. 

When we arrive at the airport, I reach into the back seat of the car and take out his luggage. 

"Is this all that you need?" I ask him, beginning to tear up now. 

It's settling in that he's leaving. This is the longest he's been gone since we've gotten back together. Although he's been gone longer, it still hurts to know that he's going to be gone for that long. 

He purses his lips to the side and rests a hand on my cheek, wiping the tears off of me. "Don't cry."

"Don't tell me that," I gently chuckle, taking a deep breath. "I don't want you to go."

"I know," He says and hugs me. "I know."

He's strong for having the willpower to leave even though both of us don't want him to go. At least while he was on tour, he actually wanted to leave. 

"What if you meet a prettier girl there?" I joke. 

He laughs. "Then I guess I'll just have to fuck her."

"Just at least imagine it's me while doing that."

He holds me tighter. "I will."

"Hey!" A voice shouts from behind us. 

Bam walks up and Ville pulls away from me, then gives him a gentle hug. I completely forgot that Bam and Missy were coming to say goodbye. 

Missy gives Ville a short hug, then turns to me and gives me a hug as if I'm the one going to rehab. No. I'm just the fiancée that's staying back while he leaves. 

"Are you ready to go?" Bam gently punches Ville in the shoulder. 

Ville shrugs. "I guess. It's not like I want to go."

"Well it's for a good reason at least." 

Bam should go, too, with how bad his addiction with alcohol is, too. Bam and Ville just fed into each other's addictions. Maybe they can help each other by going to rehab together. 

"Did you hear that Lindsay Lohan is in the same rehab you're going to?" Bam asks Ville. 

"Lindsay who?" He asks and we all burst into a roar of laughter. 

"She's a famous actress," I explain. "But way too young for you. Try not to fuck her please."

Seeing Ville interact with Bam and laughing makes me want to yank him back into the car and take him back home to the apartment so he doesn't have to go. 

This was the hardest decision that Ville has ever had to make. It takes a lot to admit that you're addicted to something and Ville did deny it for a really long time. But now he's come to terms with it and he's able to get help. 

Telling his parents was really hard. He called them and told them what was happening and his mom started to cry while his father was saying how Ville should've done better. 

I agree with Kari partly, but I think that being supportive of Ville should come first. His mom eventually calmed down and was grateful that he's going to get some help and finally quit drinking and get sober. 

One of my biggest worries when it came to the wedding was that Ville would be drunk for it. I would be marrying Drunk Ville and not Ville. I didn't want that. 

I don't want Ville to go. I don't want him to leave. I want to be the one to help him to get better. Having him go to rehab makes me feel like I'm not good enough to help him. 

What makes me worthy enough to be his wife if I can't even help him with his addiction?

He has such a sweet, beautiful, careless soul and loves everyone around him. He never deserved to be consumed by all of these things that any rock star can get involved with. 

The only difference is that Ville got addicted to these things at a young age, so it was harder to break through all of this. 

"Well, I think I should be going now," Ville speaks. 

My lip quivers and I begin to cry. "Just five more minutes?"

He smiles sympathetically and wraps his arms around me, hugging me tightly. I clutch onto him and bring him in closer to me. I want to be able to feel him for as long as I can before he needs to leave. 

All of this is going to be worth it in the end. He's going to be happier and sober and he's not going to be sick anymore. His heart is going to get better. I just hope that these two weeks are enough to break this cycle he's been used to for over 20 years of his life. 

"I love you so much," I whisper. "More than you know. I know that recently it hasn't felt like I do, but that's just because I care about you."

Ville pulls away from me, resting both of his hands on my face. "I know you care about me. That's why I'm doing this." He reaches inside of his pocket and takes out a ring--my engagement ring--then slips it back onto my finger. 

I haven't worn it since I took it off. I wanted it to be a reminder to Ville that I can leave just as easily as he did. 

But him putting it back on my finger, I know now that I'm never going to take it off again.

"Us. This. Forever." I rest my forehead against his chest. "I'll be here waiting for you, okay?"

He kisses me. "Okay. Don't go through my pornographic collection underneath the bed, okay?"

I laugh and he grips his suitcase, getting ready to leave. "I love you, Ville."

"I love you, too," He kisses me one last time, then gives Bam and Missy a hug, then walks away towards the airport. 

He's going to be alright. He's going to do this and come out brand new. He's going to be the version of him that he deserves.