Open Your Arms

Chapter 50

June 5, 2004

"Happy birthday," I tell Jenn and give her a hug as we walk inside of Bam's house for her birthday party. "Where do we set the gifts?"

"Just on the table right there," She points to the table right by the door and gives Ville a hug as she sees him. 

"Happy birthday," He tells her while smiling. 

It's nice to see Ville smiling again. He's been doing a lot better and is basically back to normal. There are some days where he's upset but he's brought himself back together. 

Me, on the other hand, am not doing okay still, but I've been trying. I just don't know how to get over it. 

Ville and I brought up trying again, but I'm too scared I'll have another miscarriage. He understood and didn't bring it up after that. 

As Jenn walks away into the living room where everyone's at, I pause. I turn to Ville and whisper, "I'm really scared. This is the first time that we're going to see everyone since what happened."

"We're fine," He assures me and beings to walk forward, blowing out the smoke--from the cigarette he just inhaled--out of his nose. I've always found that really hot. I like when he does it. 

We turn the corner and no one seems to notice us, which makes me feel relieved. Ville goes into the cooler and reaches to grab a beer. 

"Do you want one?" He asks me. 

"No thanks," I say. 

He shrugs and puts out his cigarette somewhere in the kitchen, comes back, and begins to drink his beer. 

"Hey, Larissa," Ryan walks up to us and he gives me a tight hug. "I'm sorry I didn't come visit you; I just didn't know if you needed space or not."

"You're fine," I assure him. 

Ryan shakes Ville's hands and then takes a step back. "How are you guys doing?"

"Better than before," Ville replies on behalf of both of us. 

"I'm so sorry for what happened," He shakes his head. "God, I don't know what I would do if I was in your guys' situation."

"I wanted to kill the motherfucker that got in the car accident," I tell him. "When I saw him in court, I literally wanted to strangle him, Ryan."

"Did you?" Ryan asks Ville. 

Ville chuckles. "Oh yeah, but I had to contain myself. I had to keep myself stable for my fiancée over here."

I roll my eyes. "If I ever see him I am not holding back."

"Hey, I'll help," Ryan laughs and Ville does too, but I don't. I don't remember the last time I laughed. It's been a really long time. 

Johnny walks up to us and immediately gives me a hug. "I'm so sorry for your guys' loss."

I pout my lip. If this is how every single reaction is going to be with everyone, I'm going to lose it. 

"It's fine," I quickly say. "It's over and we're here to celebrate Jenn's birthday."

Ville gently taps my hand and whispers in my ear, "Are you okay?"

I look up at him and nod. "Yeah."

"I take it that you guys are engaged now," Johnny says and it doesn't feel awkward at all. In fact, he feels genuinely happy. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," I smile at him. 

"Have you guys figured out a wedding date yet?"

"No," I reply. "Things have been really crazy for us these past couple of months."