Open Your Arms

Chapter 42

March 13, 2004

"Oh my God!" Jenn engulfs me in a hug after I tell her that I came back from Ville's tour early. "Are you okay?!"

I showed up at Bam's house unannounced and surprisingly, she answered the door and yelped when she saw me. The first thing she did was ask me what I was doing, and now here we are. 

"I'm fine," I assure her. After taking a couple days to myself and going over everything that's happened, I've been able to calm down and be content with not only myself, but the little baby living inside of my stomach. 

I still haven't told anyone. Not even Ville. I'm not ready to do that just yet. 

It's been eating me up inside not being able to tell anyone. That's why I've just been staying alone for the past couple of weeks. If anything, it's been stressing me out more. 

"Well, come on," She ushers me inside and then drags me into the kitchen. "Look who's here."

April's the first to notice me. "Larissa, what are you doing here?" 

As she gives me a hug, I answer her. "I just had to leave the tour early. It was too much for me."

"The rockstar lifestyle?" Jenn asks, taking a sip of her beer. 

"No," I shake my head. "It was really quite the opposite. I've just been really bored. It was the same shit over and over again and I didn't like that."

"Well I guess you're just not up for it," Bam sticks his tongue out at me like a little kid. "Ville told me that you guys got into an argument, but that's all."

"Oh," I shrug and hear people yelling behind me, so I turn around to see Ryan, Dico, Raab, and Novak all walk in here. 

"Larissa, what are you doing here?" Ryan asks, seeming to be the only one who noticed me out of all of them. 

"I just wanted to come back."

"Well it's nice to see you," He flashes me a warm smile and gives me a hug. 

There's something special about Ryan's hugs. They always make me feel so safe and secure. I hug onto him a little too tightly. 

I haven't had anyone here for me since I found out that I'm pregnant, which is my fault, but it's still a terrible feeling. I'm scared that I'm going to chicken out on telling Ville and I'll have to go through this pregnancy journey all alone. 

"Sorry," I suddenly say, letting go of Ryan and realizing that I've been holding onto him for too long. I wipe the single tear that trails down my cheek. 

"Are you okay?" He asks me in a hushed town, which is very considerate of him. 

I brush it off. "Yeah."

"No you're not."

I sigh and look away. It'll only make me cry more, especially since I'm more emotional due to me being pregnant. "Ryan."

"Larissa," He gives me a look. "Come on."

"No," I shake my head. I know that if I go out there I'm going to end up telling him and it's not fair to Ville. 

Despite my protests, Ryan grabs me by the hand and takes me out front, away from everyone else. I fold my arms across my chest and give him a hard stare as if he's in the wrong. 

"Will you tell me what's going on?" He asks me. 

"No," I shake my head. "I literally can't, Ryan. I can't."