Credible Love

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

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I don’t know how can I express myself without thinking about how could this affect my emotions. I know if I am still worried about this my mind can’t take it.

I deep breath as I notice some stars in the night. When I arrived, together with that man. I know it will rain. I can predict what is happening and right now it was like nothing. It is nothing… the stars are showing up and the moon is shining bright. All I can say is it is beautiful with or without the stars. It can shine without comrades.

I am a good daughter but I am a daughter who is hard-headed sometimes. All my life I wanted to be me… like I want to choose myself. Gusto ko ako naman. Gusto ko akin na naman ang desisyon.I used to be pleased by their attention. Their expectations Lahat nalang ayaw kapag gusto ko ito. It has its limit… I want to have a limitless.

Huminga ako ng malalim at kinagat ang aking labi.Sinirado ko ang aking mga mata.

I keep on saying to myself that I can prove it with my bare hands. I don’t need anyone just to provide me. The thing that I don’t understand is that,. I didn’t predict what is going to happen before. If I know I should probably stay home. So if it’s not then my parents will not be worried. Their faces and time will be in good.

But I choose to be with that boy. I don’t know if I should forgive him now. But maybe in time. I want to forgive him in time not now. I need to think more. I need to think deeply.

Hindi ko alam kung pang ilan ko na itong hugot ng hininga. Gusto ko kasi na mawala at makalimot lahat ng iyon sa paraan na ito. Pero sag anon ay parang lumalala lang. Mas nagbabalik pa sa aking iispan lahat. Ang paninginig ng tuhod ko. Ang paghihina nito ay nandito parin. Hidni ko alam kung lala[it pa baa ko s akanya.

I wanted to tell Daddy the truth but I can’t take it. I know Henry has a reason Or maybe I got it wrong. But the truth is Daddy will know the truth then it could protect me as her daughter. Ayaw ko man umabot pa sa mas malala. Daddy is a caring father and I can imagine him… pushing Henry to the precinct.

As a girlfriend, I don’t want it. Maybe I could break our chains in a good way. Sa bawat pag diin ng naalala ko. Sairwa pa ito sa utak ko. Nagsisibabaan na ang lahat ng luha ko. It is a traumatic eperince. Hindi ko alam kung sino ng aba ang jinowa ko. Akal ko ay mabuti siyang tao pero ako yata ang mali ditto. Mukhang ako ang namali sa pagpili sa kanya

I bring myself to my bed. Trying to be more mature and let it sleep. I hope it can help.

Alegro akong bumaba at nagliwaliw sa pababa. Gusto ko man lang na mawala ang iisp ko kapag nakikipag usap ako sa kanila. Pero para sa akin mukhang may trauma na ako sa lahat ng tao.

Agad akong umilag ng may isang lalaki na nagtaas ng basket. Hinimas himas ko ang braso ko at halos yakapin ko na ang sarili ko… . Lumunok ako  ng maigi at lumayo naalng doon banda. Mukhang kailanagn ko pa yatang balikan ang lahat bago ako maalimot. Gusto ko lang naman ay maging maayos ang isip o gusto ko kahit ngayon lang ay malimutan ko ang nangyari kahapon.

Hindi ko parin kayang labanan ang laaht. Kahit ako na nag tigas na ay babalik parin sa mahina. Makakaramdam parin ng mahina. I wanted to teach myself not to be affected but I can't. … it is still fresh in my mind.

Pumikit ako ng mairin na akala mo ay sa isang iglap ay maaring mawala na ang alaht pero parang mas lumalala pa ang laaht. Nanumbalik talaga ang lahat sa akin.

Lumiko ako at doon ako sa mga walang taong makakita sa akin pero nasa nagtataasan anamn akong mga puno. Tiningala ko ang isang amapalaya at magiliw akong tumungo doon.