Credible Love

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Embrace

Sometimes I have this attitude that is doubting every decision and words intucked in me. Pakiramdam ko ay may mali at ayaw kong mapahiya kaya pinag iisipan ko nag bawat linyang lalabas sa bibig ko. I wanted everything surrender in perfect places and think hard before I speak. Hindi ako basta bastang magsasaliga kapag hindi ko gamay ang bawat gagawin ko.

I shrugged hard when I remember that again. On a sunny morning, I looked up and looked away when I can bear to survey it.

“Don’t let anyone control you, Grace,” he uttered.

I play my finger through his hair while he is relaxing at my lap. He looked up and survey me deeply.

“I don’t,” I said and thinking about yesterday when mommy tell me that I can do the dreams I am dreaming.

Palagi niyang pinapakita sa akin iyon ng ipakita ko sa wakas ang nanalo ko. Pero nang kumain na kami kagabi ay hindi na siya sang ayon pa. Nalabas niya nga nag ugali niya kahit nasa harapan niya naman si Felix. Something unusual.

“Kahit anong gawin mo, may sasabihin at sasabihin pa rin sila sayo. Kaya gawin mo kung anong dapat gawin, Grace,”  bulong niya pa.

He caresses my cheeks and waves back. Umayos na siya ng upo habang naka t shirt pa. I surveyed my white dress and looked through the hacienda of theirs.

I smiled softly but I didn’t expect what was next he embrace me so smoothly.

“ I am here, Grace,” he holds my hand.

Umahon na siya at hinawakan ang pisngi ko. Tiningnan niya nag bawat mata ko at niyakap ulit.

“Everything will be fine. Just do your worth. Everyone will envy you if you continue to walk through the thorns. Everyone will embrace you when everyone is not capable and suitable for you. A true person can do that,  Grace. A true person can make you feel at peace. And in order to find that peace you need to find it in you. “

Ang ibon na lumilipad sa himapapwid ang tanging ingay meron kami. Nasa harapan na naman kami ng magarbong tubig dagat sa baba. Sa daming boundary na meron sila ay dito ko napagdesisyonan na umupo. Dito ang tamabayan namin.

I sighed heavily. No words can explain what I am feeling right now. I am doubting every move I have. I am doubting every scene I need to take.

“PAkiramdam mo man ay wala kang maagapay, Grace. Pero alam kong kaya mo ang sarili mo. Wala man ako sa panahong palagi kang ginaganyan ng mommy mo. Alam kong kinaya mo. So don’t let her thought manipulated you. After all, this is your life, you will rule for it and nailed it. Just continue to strive hard and embrace every dream you have. Be their inspiration. Let their words be your inspiration. And that would lead you to the world you’re dreaming.”

Wala akong magawa kundi tumango lang. Speechless. Di dahil sa wala akong masabi laban doon, because I am thinking hard what should be next?

Hindi ko alam kung saan hihinto ang lahat ng to. Kung saan ba dapat akong mag adjust para sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko lahat ng sasbaihin ko laabn sapanagrap ko ay hindi niya tatangapin. Manantiling bingi. Mananatiling walang naririnig. Ang tanging gusto niya sa anagrap ko ay ang panrap niya. Mas maganda kumpara sa aknya.

I slightly embrace it with all my heart but I am here fighting for it. Wala akong magawa kundi kumalas sa mga yakap niya at ngumiti. The blue eyes survey my eyes. I smiled so sweetly. Like nothing happens.

“You’re good at pretending, Grace. Why is that?”

I shook my head and let my eyes roam through the water.

Wala siyang magawa ng iniba ko ang aking paningin. Lahat naman ay hindi niya kayang controlling sa akin. Kahit pa boyfriend ko siya ay kailangan ko pa ring harapin kung anong nararapat sa akin.

Sa pagbaba namin ay gumalaw kami sa mga bulaklakan. Nakakatawa ay ang dami nan gang namumukadkad na tullips. Dahil January ngayon ay mas lalo kong nakikita ang kagandahan ng tullips. Mas lalo akong na i-inlove sa ganda nitong taglay.

Lumapit pa ako roon at umiikot ikot. Somehow I am dreaming about. I didn’t pushed about this plan in our hacienda because I am afraid from my mom’s reaction. Takot pa rin ako sa maari niyang sabihin laban sa gusto ko. Dahil lahat ng pilit kong mahalin ay ayaw niya. Lahat ng ayaw ko ay gugustuhin niya.

Napawi ang aking masayang sandali sa bawat tama ng aming mga mata. Yumuko ako at agad na umalalay sa akin si Felix. Lumingon ako sa kanya at pilit na binabawi ang malungkot kong mga mata.

“Grace, you’re a good person. And please if you are understanding enough. Understand what I am doing, if you have a child in the future, you can be related to me. My actions are reflected as my mother’s. And all I want is good for my son. I hope you can understand,” kalmado man ang bawat linyang pinapakawalan niya pero ang tiyagang magtago ng kanyang kaangasan at katarayna ay hindi nagawa.

She faced us back and I managed to look at her son who is now holding my hands away.

But little did I know the way she gripped my hands on him. Will be the end of the journey. Tita Gianna will always find ways to break us apart.

Miss ko na ang bawat salitang binibitawan niya. All his assurances words. All the comforting words all filled in my ears when I am down. HE knows my weakness and strength but me, I have nothing but words that trigger him. Natatawa ako sa sarili ko habang naiisip ko ito. Tumayo ako at agaran kinuha ang bag ko.

I need his embrace but here he is embracing someone new. Someone who is not close to me. The way my eyes burned make me so dizzy. The sweat that unfamiliar make me leave.

I hugged myself as  I totally looked at them but bitterness.