You Saw Me

20

I met up with Gayle in a cafe at the resort. We had arranged to have coffee and talk business, so we could make the conference call and present our PR plan to Bob.
Gayle was already waiting at the cafe when I came in the door. She was busy writing something down and looked so professional. I always forgot that she wasn't just silly, funny and wild Gayle, who had been my very best friend since college. She was also a fierce business woman with her own firm to run.
I sat down next to her and started reading her notes. She was writing ideas for her own PR plan. I put my finger down on a passage, which said website? and told her to definitely remove the questionmark. "You need a state of the art website. It wouldn't be a bad idea to be active on social media as well. We could make you an Instagram account and a Facebook page", I said while leaning my chin on her shoulder.

"That's exactly what I need. Look at you all young and hip. How are things going with your Insta? Will I find selfies of you and your lover on there?" She asked teasingly.

Truth of the matter was that I hardly used social media myself.

"Mine could probably do with a bit of an upgrade", I laughed and squeezed her arm.

She opened Instagram and searched my name. My account came up and the last photo I had shared was of Adam and me at a restaurant. We were sitting close together. I had a big smile and wore a nice dress. Adam looked like he was posing for an advertisement for toothpaste. His teeth were perfectly straight and white. But the smile didn't reach his eyes at all. He looked much less radiant than I remembered him. The photo dated from about a month before our split. The caption read: The love of my life. I didn't even remember writing that.

I sat and looked awkwardly at the post. Gayle was studying my face trying to determine how I felt.

"Wow...", I said. "I really need to do something about that feed. That's horrible."

Gayle threw her head back and laughed her loud, wonderful laugh. "You sure do, honey", she said and hugged me. She then scrolled down as we both winced and made small grunts at my pathetic Insta life. Obviously that wouldn't do for someone working in PR.
She found a photo of Adam standing in our garden wearing his gardening shorts and no shirt. The caption read: Hubba Hubba.
She slowly turned to face me cocking an eyebrow.

"Do you feel anything?", she asked while holding the photo closer to my face.

And then it struck me. I didn't feel anything in particular. A little relieved maybe? And sort of like I didn't fancy him at all. A bit of indifference. I hadn't thought of him at all during this trip. It was like it was swept under a carpet or locked in a cupboard to be forgotten.

Gayle was already swiping on and she suddenly turned the phone to me.

On the screen was a picture of Henry. He was on stage at one of his shows. He was wearing a beautiful, glittery outfit, consisting of a pair of bell bottom, lowriding pants and an open vest. His abs were glistening with sweat. He was beautiful.
"How about now? Do you feel anything?"

I smiled at the picture. "I doesn't really look like him, does it? I mean, of course it looks like him, but in a way it's like he's two people - that glittery one and the guy I like spending time with."

Gayle nodded. "Yeah, you're a goner", she laughed and went on to find another photo of him, where he was posing for Gucci.

"It's like I recognise him, for sure. But he just doesn't look like my Henry. I vaguely remember seeing posters of him in Katelyn's room though. But I wouldn't have been able to point him out in a crowd a week ago", I admitted. I was obviously not keeping up with popular culture.

Gayle put her phone down and looked at me. "I have to ask you this, but you don't have to answer. When we head home in a week, will you be heartbroken?"

I knew why she asked. She had been the one to pick me up after Adam, which had been hard work. I wouldn't blame her if she never wanted to do that again. At the same time I didn't want to lie to her.
"I don't think so. But I wish it didn't have to end", I admitted.

She hugged me and picked up her phone again. She searched on YouTube and found a video of Henry arriving at an airport in France. There were thousands of people there to greet him. They were calling for him, crying, some were pushing and they almost crushed him trying to get to him. He looked a little scared, but he was still trying to pose for photos and sign things that were thrusted into his hands. The cheeky, happy Henry I knew wasn't this guy. This guy was under some serious pressure.
"This is Henry's normal. He travels all the time, doesn't have time for a private life and he is constantly being watched and judged. I feel horrible for him, but as your best friend, I need you to understand what you're getting yourself into. He might just be your Henry this week. After that there's the possibility that you're either going to be a secret or you need to move on. Because I don't think he wants to put you through that", she pointed to the screen where a bunch of security guards were struggling to clear a path, so Henry could leave his car and go into a hotel.

"I know", I said feeling a little spark of sadness at the back of my mind. "I don't have any expectations. In a way I guess I'm his break from all of that", I gestured at the screen. "But at the same time, it's like he's my awakening. These past few days with him has put so many things into perspective for me. Like how much better I am, than Adam ever made me feel. And that I deserve to be happy and ... well, satisfied. I've never been touched the way Henry does. It's like being touched for the very first time, even if that's not the case at all". I blushed admitting the last part. 

"Ellie, that's exactly what you need. Let that fine piece of man help you to your sexual awakening. And be in the moment, just don't make plans and hope for a future. Enjoy and seize the moment", she said with a lifted finger. "Now let's call your boss!"