You Saw Me

98

I spent my bed rest writing. Henry made sure I was taken care of at all times, if not by him then by his mum or Gemma. And Gayle was around a lot as well. They mostly spent time with me, not necessarily talking, but just stayed in the room with me, so I wasn't alone. Anne would knit, she was knitting a blanket for the baby. Gemma was writing as well, so she sat in a comfy chair with her laptop. Gayle worked, she made conference calls and worked on her laptop. I was happy to have them there, it felt safe when Henry couldn't be there. He did his best to be there most of the time though. He did a lot of interviews from the house via Skype and Zoom. 

Dr. Walters came every other day to check on me. I had to measure my blood pressure several times per day and then write it down. She would then go over it when she came to see me and measure it as well. She brought a doppler to check up on the baby's heartbeat. The baby was fine, she was active, and her heartbeat was strong and steady. My blood pressure was not much improved. 

"What does that mean?" Henry asked, holding my hand. 

"It means, that I think we need to plan a cesarean for the end of the week," Dr. Walters looked at us both. "How do you feel about that?" 

Henry looked at me, waiting for me to say how I felt. He would support me no matter what I decided to do. But it was his daughter too and I didn't want to make the decision on my own. 

"I think, you know what's best, Dr. Walters", I said. "Even if I wanted to, I couldn't get more relaxed. I can't see what else we could do." I looked at Henry, trying to read him. 

He was nodding, looking from me to Dr. Walters. "It will be safest for them both, right?" He asked. 

"Yes it will," Dr. Walters said and smiled at him. "And you can still be there for the birth, Henry. You'll be right there with Ellie and we'll hand your baby to you once she's out. You'll get to cut the umbilical cord too." 

Henry looked at me and I scooted closer to him, putting my hands around his neck. "It'll be alright," I whispered. He nodded and took a deep breath. 

"So when will her birthday be?" He asked the doctor nervously. 

***

Three days and she'd be here. Everything was ready for her, but at the same time it felt like nothing was ready. Being on bed rest meant, I couldn't do anything at all. I had to stay in bed. Anne and Gemma were there to help Henry pack the hospital bag and make sure that everything really was ready. I would be in the hospital for three to four days after the cesarean and Henry was going to stay with me. We would lock ourselves up in a baby bubble, getting to know our little daughter. 

I spent the waiting time writing. I had already written quite a lot without having read it through or edited it. I just wrote the story the way I remembered it. I changed our names and left out small things, but all in all it was our story from my point of view. I wrote pages up and down about Henry and the way he made me feel. How he changed me and allowed me to be, who I was. In a way it was like a love letter. His album was his love letter to me; my book would be my love letter to him.

I let Gemma read some of it. It was a chapter about how Henry had asked Gayle for permission to propose to me. She read in complete silence, her face lighting up in a smile every now and again. There was a lot of honesty in the way I wrote. My insecurities were plastered out on the pages and I was aware of my own faults and mistakes. I knew I was complicated, and came with a lot of baggage and there was no way the book would lie about that. 

Gemma put the pages aside and smiled at me. A huge, warm, Stiles smile. "This is magic, Ellie," she said and gestured to the pages. "I'm dying to read more. You write with such honesty and a refreshing hint of not taking yourself too seriously. There's so much humour in here, but it's not forced. And the emotions! My goodness. My brother is a lucky man", she laughed and gave me a thumbs up.

"Thank you Gemma," I said and felt like I might be onto something with this book. 

***

We were checked into the hospital the night before my cesarean. Gayle had made sure to inform my parents and they would fly out to see the baby once we were back home. Gayle, Gemma and Anne were all in the hospital waiting room the next morning, when it was time for my c-section. Henry was dressed in blue surgical scrubs, shoe covers, hair covering, gloves and a sterile gown. To finish off the look, he would wear a face mask. He did a catwalk in the hospital room and I burst out laughing. 

"This whole outfit just screams "Daddy", doesn't it?" He chuckled and posed with his hand on his hip. 

"Definitely," I agreed with him and reached out for him. I was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, feeling quite nervous. He stepped over and put his arms around me, holding me close so I could bury my head in his chest. I wanted to breathe in his scent, knowing it always calmed my nerves, but he just smelled like hospital and plastic wrap. 

"You don't smell like you", I wrinkled my nose and looked up at him. He smiled at me and shrugged. 

"Unfortunately I have to be wrapped up like leftover turkey on Thanksgiving, love." He held me close and kissed my head. 

The door opened and a nurse came in. "Are you ready, you two?" She asked. 

"Let's have a baby," I said taking Henry's hand.