Solangelo Oneshots

Kidnappers and Cannibals are Nearly Always Hot

It was two in the morning when a murderer broke into Nico’s dorm.

He has fallen asleep on the sofa watching a movie as his roommate was out banging his girlfriend when a maniac climbed through the window he'd left open due to how warm it was.

So this is how he would die, lying swathed in blankets with an empty McDonald's Happy Meal on the table next to him and Netflix asking him if he was still watching.

"Shit! Fuck!" the crazed killer cursed as he managed to get through the window. Nico tensed, grabbing his metal coffee cup and wielding it like a sword.

"Who are you?" he demanded, his voice shaking a little. The demonic death bringer's head snapped up in surprise.

He's hot, Nico thought. Wait, not the time. Kidnappers and cannibals are nearly always hot.

"Dammit!" the cute deranged guy exclaimed. "This ain't my dorm!"

He raised a hand to his fluffy, golden curls. Then he glanced at Nico with wide, apologetic, blue eyes.

"Good Lord, I am so sorry," he said hurriedly. "My roommate left the key in the door and he sleeps like it's nobody's business so I tried to climb in through the window but I've got a worse sense of direction than Christopher Columbus!"

He said it all in one breath, leaving Nico very confused. Gorgeous stalker noticed this and winced.

"I really am very sorry."

"You're not a human trafficker are you?" Nico questioned. The pretty perpetrator shook his head.

"No, I'm a medical student."

"You won't sell my organs will you?"

"Now or after you die because you have to have a card on you and-"

The guy carried waffling on. Okay, maybe he wasn't a demented criminal.

Nico stood up awkwardly. "Um, want a cup of tea?"

He really wasn't sure what to say but it seemed to be the right thing as the intruder grinned, nearly blinding him.

"Black, please," he requested. "If you wouldn't mind. I'm Will."

"Nico," Nico answered as he went to put the kettle on. Will followed sheepishly.

"Sorry again."

"It's fine," Nico said. "My roommate, Percy, is out with his girlfriend and the place was feeling lonely. You certainly made it less quiet."

"Do you ever stay with your girlfriend?"

For a moment, Nico could have sworn there was some hidden purpose behind that question but he convinced himself it was imagined. Who would be so bad at flirting that they'd do it right after breaking and entering?

"I'm more into the Will Turners than the Elizabeth Swanns, if you get what I'm saying," Nico replied.

"I was in bisexual heaven watching that movie," Will answered. "Got a boyfriend then?"

"Why, you interested?"

"Would you date a potential thief?"

"Worked out for the Disney Princesses."

Will laughed. It was such a light, carefree sound. Nico set two mugs of tea down on the table and they sat opposite each other.

"So..." Will took a sip of his tea and grinned wickedly. "Tell me 'bout yourself, Nico."

Nico was little taken aback. "Oh, um, I'm twenty, I'm Italian but I've lived here since I was ten, I'm studying theatre and I love McDonald's."

"As a medic, I disapprove of McDonald's but, as a fast food lover, it's the best. Well, I'm twenty as well, I'm from Texas but we moved around a lot, I once helped deliver a baby goat and I have a lot of half-siblings."

"A baby goat?" Nico repeated. Will nodded solemnly.

"Yeah, my hands shake just thinking about it. Can you tell?"

He reached across and grasped Nico’s hands in his. A warm, tingly feeling spread through him and he quickly snatched his hands back, cheeks flushing red.

"It was like three years ago and I did wash my hands thoroughly after, don't worry," Will assured him.

Oh my god, Nico thought. How is he in pre-med? He must be the world's smartest himbo.

The two talked until it was seven o'clock and Will mentioned that his roommate would be up for an early class that day. Nico walked him to the door, reluctant to say goodbye.

"It was nice to meet you, Will."

"Nice to meet you too. Maybe I'll have to crawl through your window more often. Wait, no, that's creepy."

Nico chuckled and, in a moment of bravery, stood on his tiptoes to kiss Will’s cheek. He smiled shyly as Will blushed, looking dazed.

"I wouldn't mind if you did," he said.

"Oh, yeah, I will," Will stuttered. "Actually, I'll use the door. I think that would be easier. If you wouldn't mind. Um, thanks for the tea. Sorry again. Thank you. Sorry. Bye, Nico!"

Nico smiled. "Bye, Will."

He shut the door and leaned against it with a happy sigh.

Percy was going to freak.