Solangelo Oneshots

Addio

She could sense him. It had been a long time since she sensed anybody. At the beginning, there was a boy who came but he was taller and he felt all wrong. A girl sometimes came with him. She wasn't right either. After a little while, they stopped coming as often and she was left alone.

Time passed strangely. Months flitted by, days dragged on and everything warped and twisted into a never-ending spiral. It sounded worse than it was. She was at peace. She was restful.

When he came, she could feel some long gone part of her flutter, sparking into life. She recognised him. She knew him. She knew his harsh lines, his soft dips, his jagged breathing. There were more rough bits than she remembered. Muscle memory was startled by scars and bruises and hollowness. He was welcomed anyway.

"Hi."

When he spoke, his voice scratched at her heart. She wished she could reach for him but the boundary was too far and millenia strong. So she listened. It was comforting to have a voice beside her own.

Hello.

She spoke knowing he wouldn't hear her and he spoke assuming she wouldn't hear him. The silent responses were full. Each heartbeat echoed in her ears.

"I brought you flowers."

That's so sweet of you. Thank you.

They were delicate roses. Black ones with sharp thorns. She breathed in their scent, although she couldn't smell it. She just felt the tingling sensation and the warmth spread over her.

"Sorry I haven't visited before. I wanted to. Things happen, I guess."

Yes. They do. I understand.

"You're probably angry with me."

I'm not.

"I'm not sure you'd even want to see me. It felt like time. I'm working on my avoidance issues. This is kind of a big step for me. I think you'd be proud even if I don't actually know what to say. I didn't plan very well."

That's okay. I'm so glad you're here.

"There's a lot to talk about and not a lot I want to say."

You don't have to say anything.

"I started drawing. I want to be good enough to draw you. I'm not there yet skill wise or emotions wise. I will be. Eventually."

She shifted to listen better, letting the words sink into her skin.

"I draw flowers and weapons and I draw my boyfriend. I draw him a lot."

That's nice.

"It's nice. I don't know if you would be able to get over the whole gay thing very quickly. You'd like him though. Once you did, I mean."

I already have. I've had a lot of time to think.

"What else is there? I'm going to university next year. I have no idea what I'll study. I'll figure it out at some point. I'm..."

He took a heavy breath.

It's okay. You're safe with me.

"I'm figuring a lot of things out. I feel a little lost. There's never really been time for a 'what now' before. Maybe that's why I came. This was the last thing I wanted to do and hadn't. It's kind of freeing. Kind of scary. I don't know."

You don't have to know. Isn't that wonderful? How it's okay to not know?

"I miss you. I'm mad at you. Mostly I'm sad about it all. I don't forgive you. I do understand. That doesn't mean I have to forgive. You hurt me. I hurt you. Unintentionally. It still wasn't fair for either of us. I don't wish you were here because wishing that hasn't helped. You're not here. That's that. It's shit."

Yes. She chuckled. It is shit.

"I love you."

I love you.

"I'll be back."

I'll be waiting.

"Goodbye, Bianca."

Addio, mio soldatino.