Solangelo Oneshots

Homosexual History Pick Up Lines

"Okay, if you had to choose would you pick Will Solace or Percy Jackson?" Piper asked, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands as she watched Nico’s expression carefully.

"Will Solace."

Shel whooped. "My boy's got it bad!"

Piper groaned, elbowing her girlfriend in mock annoyance.

"Come on! The guy isn't that good looking. This is the fiftieth person you've passed up for him today. You're telling me that if Perseus Jackson walked up to you right now, took you in his arms, dipped you romantically and confessed his love for you right here, you would say no."

Nico nodded. "Yup."

"I give up!" Piper threw her hands in the air. Nico rolled his eyes fondly. They were sitting on the bleachers at school overlooking the sports pitch where the men's soccer team was playing. Usually they came to watch the women's matches because the women's team won most of the time and the men's team were... well they were the men's team. However, Piper had dragged Nico and Shel down to watch the men's team so they could get to the bottom of Nico’s latest crush.

"He's just so..."

"Dreamy?" Shel suggested.

"Straight?" Piper countered.

"You don't know that!" Shel protested.

"Nico, my child," Piper said seriously, resting her hands on Nico’s shoulders and looking him dead in the eyes. "I say this with love. You gotta stop with the straight guys."

"I know." Nico sighed. "But he might not be straight! He's too hot to be straight!"

"Actually the hot ones are normally straight," Piper pointed out.

"Well then he's the exact right amount of hot to be gay," Nico ammended. A guy walking past pulled a face at them.

"Ew, that's a guy," he said.

Nico pointed to himself. "That's a homosexual."

The guy walked off quickly.

Nico sat back, arms folded as Piper and Shel observed him quietly. Okay, maybe hoping the captain of the soccer team would be gay was a little ambitious especially with Nico’s track record but he could dream. He could dream a lot.

"Is it too much to ask the universe to marry him, get a picket fence, adopted a dog and several small children who love us unconditionally and put us in good care homes together when we're old?" Nico lamented.

"Of course not," Shel comforted him, patting him reassuringly on the back. She glared at Piper who finally gave in.

"I guess it isn't too bad," Piper offered.

"You didn't mean that did you?" Nico asked.

"Absolutely not. It's a complete fantasy."

"Great. I'm destined to be alone forever."

"You have us!" Shel reminded him. Nico frowned.

"You're going to open a small sapphic bakery in New York and leave me behind to be miserable and act in whatever play will have me."

"Not true." Shel wrapped an arm around Nico’s shoulders. "Oh, look! They've finished practice. You should go talk to Will."

"No thanks. I'm going to wallow in my own misery for a bit."

"Look," Shel stated firmly. "You can either talk to him and maybe get a date or let Piper be right."

Nico considered it for a second. Before he could answer, he was being pushed to stand up. He stood awkwardly for a few moments before walking down onto the pitch where the team was coming off. The team was made up of stereotypical jocks all laughing and slapping each other on the back with sweaty hands. Gross.

"Hey, Will!"

Nico raised a hand in a kind of wave and winced before lowering it again. Will quickly told one of his friends that he'd catch up with them and jogged over to where Nico stood looking thoroughly out of place in fishnet gloves, skinny jeans and a graphic t-shirt. Nico toyed with the idea of tucking his hair coyly behind his ear. He also toyed with the idea of running away and living out the rest of his life in a cave.

"Hey!" Will grinned. Nico nearly melted into a puddle of darkness. He wasn't sure if that would be more embarrassing than what was happening right now.

"I'm Nico. I'm in your history class."

"I know." Will’s grin grew wider. "I loved your presentation on the Tudors. All the head chopping and stuff."

"Right. Um, it was a great game."

Will shrugged. "We lost but we'll win the next one. You interested in playing?"

Nico actually laughed. "Me?"

"Yeah! Every team needs a peace of eye candy." Will winked.

Here lies Nico: deseaced after a cute boy called him eye candy.

What a great tombstone that would make, Nico thought to himself. He was sure he was glowing the brightest red imagineable. Maybe if the cave don't work out he could go be a lighthouse's beacon. Or Rudolph's nose.

"Um..." Nico couldn't find anything to say. Will laughed.

"You're weird," he remarked. "I like it. The others are going to celebrate."

"Celebrate? But you lost?"

"Yeah but we celebrate not dying anyway. I don't really want to go to a big party right now though. Would you maybe want to join me in a mini celebration?"

Nico.exe has stopped working.

"I don't think I can celebrate no achievements."

Why. Nico wanted to hit himself on the head with the shovel that he just dug his grave with. Luckily for him, Will only chuckled.

"Maybe the achievement is me finally asking you on a date?"

"Maybe." Nico smiled. Okay, he could salvage this. "Hopefully this'll be better than with the last wife."

Tudor jokes. The eternal screaming in Nico’s head will last forever.

"Let's hope so!" Will’s beam could rival the sun. "I'm going to get changed and then we could get coffee?"

"Sounds good," Nico forced himself to say.

"Great!" Will half-ran off with a short wave over his shoulder. Nico waved back. He glanced up at Shel and Piper on the bleachers and it only took a few seconds before his face lit up.

"Piper, you were wrong!"