"Everything I Never Told You"

Chapter |2| Kennedy

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly. 

Keila and I caught up on our lives with Brooke, in order to get to know each other.

Kei asked Brooke how she knows my brother. Her boyfriend, Alex, and brother, Reed, are both best friends with Jax. They always hang out together, and Brooke usually joins the party. 

Jax didn't tell me anything though. It's not like I should be getting an hourly update on his life, but sometimes I feel like since the incident I don't know Jax the way I used to.

I try not to think about it too much, otherwise I can spend hours and hours starting to rethink everything I've done. Like how I'm the worst sister and don't deserve Jax.

I focus on the now, as we're getting ready to go to the party at Brooke's brother's house.

— "Hey, Kenny, aren't you going to be hot in that outfit?" Keila analyzes my outfit.

I'm going for leather pants with a long-sleeved top, while Keila is wearing a short red strapless dress that highlights her sculpted physique and Brooke is wearing a skirt with a top.

Of course, when you see me wearing a 'warm' outfit while being in August, I look completely pathetic.

I subconsciously shift my hands to my wrists and start rubbing them over my top.

A chill runs through my body, and I can start feeling how all the memories of the last few months want to crawl out and consume me.

Please, not right now you fucking damaged brain.

— "Kennedy!! Earth to Kennedy" a shake on my shoulder make me refocus on my friend through the glass. Keila rolls her eyes. "You need to stop doing that shit. I hate it when you dissociate from reality and start thinking nonsense."

I want to speak, but I can't open my mouth.

I want to shout out to her everything that has happened these months.

I want to explain to her, make her understand that I'm not doing it on purpose. That I wish I was strong enough to fight my thoughts because every time the demons lock me inside my head, I feel like I'm in hell and I want to end it all.

I want to tell her so many things, but I just can't.

It's like I've lost my voice.

And even though her comment hurts, I can't do anything or get mad because she has no idea about anything that has happened.

— "Um, no. I won't, Kei. I'm fine".

— "I always forget you prefer winter. You look sexy though".

— "Thanks, you too. I'm sure you're going to have everyone behind you" I return the compliment even though it makes me feel a little uncomfortable saying that last part. But I know she likes to hear those things. 

— "Ugh I hope so. Really, Kenny. Do you know how long it's been since I had sex? About 1 month ago. Bless God, I feel like I'm going to die celibate. My pussy needs some action badly."

— "That's great," Brooke's voice cuts in and a second later she walks out of the bathroom and looks Keila up and down. "Alex's friends are all handsome and I'm sure they'll take notice of you. I mean, have you seen yourself?".

My best friend's cheeks turn a little pink and she makes a face like it's nothing.

One negative thing about Keila is that she always fails to see how beautiful she is, and she throws herself down all the time.

Even a blind man would notice her...um, some way or another.

— "What about you, Kenny? Do you have a boyfriend? Or are you enjoying being single like Keila?" Brooke asks me.