"Everything I Never Told You"

Epilogue 1

1 year later: Houston, Texas

I take a deep breath, gather all the courage I have inside me, that I do have, and open my eyes.

— "Hey, mom" I whisper at the gravestone, the first tear falling down my eye.

I wipe it away quickly.

— "I didn't except to start crying right now..." I chuckle a little "But I guess not doing this since the two years of your passing, as I should, hurts more than I thought. And I guess I'm not as ready as I thought I was".

The silence in the cemetery makes the hair on my neck stand on end.

I close the zipper of my hoodie, the cold wind indicating the beginning of the winter being evident.

— "I'm sorry, mommy" another tear falls down my cheek "I'm so sorry for not visiting you when you died, not holding your hand or being by your side when you needed me the most, for not wanting to talk about or remember you. I was so w-weak, and a part of me is never going to forgive myself for it.

Let's not tell my psychologist, Dr.Nguyen, the I was weak part" I can't help but giggle a little, like a pig "I've been doing a lot of work on myself, with her by my side, and one of her main works from her to me, is not to talk badly about myself or judge for how I reacted to what's happened in my life. It was hard at first, but I'm coming to terms with it".

I silence for a moment, reading the headstones beside mom's one.

Then I read hers. Delilah Willows Smith. Beloved mother.

It's so little. Mom was so much more...everything. I could never finish describing her.

— "I don't think I ever got to tell you how grateful and proud I am to have you as my mother..." I begin "You were my best friend, confident, the person I loved and trusted the most. That's why it was hard for me to accept you were no longer by my side, you'll never joke with me and Jax anymore, tell me how talented I was while you looked at my sketches, or cook and laugh together when we flour flighted...I don't think I'll ever be completely okay, not without you, here with me".

I close my eyes for a moment, bracing myself for venting to her what's been of my life.

— "These last two years, they've been the worst nightmare of all mommy. Will..." I gather all the courage I can master, but I feel calm. I'm not afraid of him. He did not break me. "He raped me when I was drunk and suffering from your loss".

A small breeze touches my face, like a comforting caress that motivates me to continue talking.

— "I couldn't take it anymore after that, or that's how I felt at that time, and did something that I'll regret for the rest of my life. But I'm grateful that Jax founded me in time" I smirk at the mention of my brother. "I always tell him that, thank him for saving me that night and taking me to the hospital. He's proud every single time, more so after the progress I've been making this last year.

I finally listened to him and started therapy. Something I don't regret at all since Dr. Nguyen is the best, I actually want to be her friend though I know I can't...anyways, at first it was hard, putting everything into words all over again, the rush of emotions I got and how I again felt as if my world was going to crumble over me. But Dr.Nguyen has been an amazing support system, was there for me and hugged me when I needed it, and I don't care if that's not professional. She's helped me a lot, and today I feel...better, though I still have a lot of progress to do.

I'm thinking about reporting Will, as Jax told me to do since he found out. It's the right thing to do, and I'm going to do it. Just not yet, I still have work to do over myself before I do it. Dr Nguyen agreed with me, said it's for the best otherwise I could relapse. A rape complaint over someone is no joke, and it comes with a lot of feelings and responsibilities which I'm not ready for. But I'll do it.