"Everything I Never Told You"

Chapter |31| Kennedy

The last few weeks have been hard.

I've been thinking for days before gaining up the courage to call Jax and tell him I was ready to talk.

The whole encounter was a mess.

Jax cried while I told him everything that's happened and how I felt, as hard as it was. He apologized every minute while chocking on sobs, blaming himself for being a bad brother to me and not being there when I needed him the most.

I assured him he doesn't have to carry any guilt, because he couldn't have known. And even though he felt like he was not supportive, he was the main reason I'm still here. He's always caring about me and treats me like I'm his whole world. It's been like this since we were kids.

So he cannot call himself a bad brother when he's beyond awesome to me.

We ended up hugging and crying in each others arms, something we've never done since we were kids. Not the comforting hugging nor the crying. But I wasn't uncomfortable, I actually felt comforted and safe. Like nothing could happen to me while my brother was by my side.

He would actually do anything for me to protect me at all costs. And I love him for that.

Jax suggested I go back to therapy, this time to help me deal with what happened with Will and grieve correctly mom's death without lying.

I told him I'm not ready to go back to therapy and talk about all this. I'm positive if I do I'll break down and am not sure if I'm going to be able to stand up. It's been all to much, all this emotions bursting out of me, in such a short amount of time.

So I'm going to hold off therapy for now. I have my safe and trustful space with Reed. He's like my personal form of therapy.

And yes, I know I'm only avoiding what's inevitable and clinging onto him. But it's what I need and feel like it right now. It's the path I'm choosing, at least for now.

Both Reed and Jax were understandably on the matter. What Jax was angry at was me not wanting to report Will. He told me that 'motherfucker' should be behind bars. And I agree with that, but I begged him to understand that right now I'm not in the right mental space to do so. I just need time.

Jax ended up understanding, but he was still pisses. And when I told Reed about my decision his face clearly reflected he was not happy with it, but did not say anything. He just hugged me and told me that when the time was right and I decide to do it, he would be by my side.

I thought I was falling in love with Reed. But that night I just knew I already have.

What do was difficult was restraining both my brother and...my man, from going to Texas and beat the shit out of Will. They agreed on that matter, and even stepped in Reed's car to do so. But when I broke down in front of them, something I hated but had to show them that this was not going to do me any better, they stepped off the car without second thought.

That's what I love about both of them, they always put me first.

The following weeks I've just been studying for my exams.

I've also told Brooke what happened and she was so understanding and sweet it made me cry for a straight hour. I felt like she had to know, and I trust her. And I also told her she could tell Alex. The only thing I asked for her and Alex, beyond asking more questions about the topic, is that neither of them stopped treating me as they always do.

They still haven't. So I'm glad for that.

I've always been sleeping every night at Reed's. And some of my stuff is on his drawers and his bathroom. At first I was hesitating, it felt as if we were moving fast. More so after everything I told him about what happened to me.