"Everything I Never Told You"

Chapter |30| Reed

I should care.

I should focus on whatever Bocelli is saying. After all, I'm about to go out on the field to play the most important game of my entire life, which'll define my future and I've been preparing or since I have memory.

I should focus on showing off to the sponsors. I should focus on how to win this game.

But I'm not. I don't give a shit right now.

Because the only thing clouding my head is the brunette with sad greenish-brown eyes which I left in my house.

I can't get Kennedy out of my head.

How she broke down when voicing what her ex did to her. How she felt like a shit of a person for not being there for her mom. Even how she told me two nights ago that she wanted to die.

I can't forget her heartbreaking sobs. The way she clung to me with all the strength she had, like she was afraid I would walk away from her because of what happened to her.

I never would.

I can't forget anything, not a single word that has come out of her mouth. I'll never forget.

Kennedy was raped...jesus fucking crist.

I think a part of me, deep down, knew it. How she halted when someone suddenly touched her. How she clearly felt uncomfortable when Keila, Brooke or Jax talked about sex. The episodes of restlessness, the almost panic attack she had that night in New York, how when that idiot Zach harassed her at the beginning of the year she was shaking. Even now knowing the truth her fear and avoidant of booze makes sense.

But hearing her voicing it, how it happened, broke something inside me.

I tried to stay put, but I was raging for what that fucker did to her, and in pain for how she was feeling.

And scared. Scared because she tried to take away her life last year. Scared because she hurt herself and still thinks about it because the pain is too strong. Scared of those fucked up thoughts, that black smoke that clouds her head.

I'm terrified out of my mind that she may act on those thoughts, again. That I will not be able to tell because she's good at hiding her stuff because she thinks if she tells it'll be a burden in everyone else's life.

I'm so afraid of losing her...god, I can't even think about it.

I've gone so long without her. But I could not go without her in the world.

Fuck, I don't know when she has become so important to me.

I want to take care of her, protect her. I enjoy so goddamn much watching her, how she frowns when she's focused on drawing and it's the most adorable thing I've ever seen, hearing her awkward sound when she laughs, or how she's a nerd for Harry Potter just like me.

I love everything about her. I think I love her.

And strangely that doesn't scare me. Because I know she is the one.

And there is nothing I won't do to protect and care for her.

— "Jenkins, pay attention" Bocelli's yell takes me out of my head, and I focus on him. "Game starts in five minutes. Stop thinking about whatever the fuck you were thinking. Nothing's more important than football".

I don't think so. Kennedy is pretty much more important to me than football.

And that should scare me, because for my entire life football has been my priority. But right now Kennedy has taken its place and I don't give a damn.