I Let Myself Want You

7 ● Yohan ● 30.03.2009

March 30th, 2009

Yohan, Boston

I got a call from Sam yesterday. It's been so long, I barely even remember what she looked like. We've been together in high school for some time and I actually really liked her. We were supposed to go to college together, but things didn't go the way they were supposed to, just like with Jesper, who I couldn't stop thinking about for some reason.

Anyway, she called and asked if she could come see me today, because she was apparently in Boston for a few days and she remembered that I studied here. It's been about five years, even more than that, and after all this time she suddenly remembered I exist?

I found it a bit funny, because the last time we saw each other we had a fight and I thought I'd never see her again, that we were done. But to be honest, I was a bit intrigued why she wanted to meet. Obviously it wouldn't just be a friendly coffee or whatever, nobody did those kinds of things with people they haven't seen in years.

Eventually I decided to invite her to my place. I lived alone anyway, so it's not like it would bother anyone, and I didn't really feel like going out, mostly because it was my only day off in a while, so I preferred to stay home.

She came by around noon and I was mesmerized when I saw her. Samantha has always been beautiful as far as I remembered, but the way she looked right now was off the charts. She still looked kind of the same, I immediately recognized her, but she just seemed prettier and though older and more mature now, she was still glowing.

"Yohan!" She shouted in excitement when I opened the door and threw herself at me. "Gosh, I've missed you so much, I can't believe I finally got to see you," she added and pulled away from me, scanning my face. "Damn you, Lee, you're even hotter than you were in high school," she chuckled lightly and touched my face, as if wanting to know if I was real.

I thought it was a bit funny and let her inside, closing the door after us and then I led the girl to the kitchen. "You don't look so bad yourself, Sam. It seems like college has been good for you, I envy that you don't have any bags under your eyes," I said, chuckling a little as well. Lack of sleep definitely sucked, especially when you really needed it, but knew that you didn't have the time.

"Oh don't worry, I'm tired as well, I just have a ton of makeup to cover it up," she said, rolling her eyes. "So, tell me, how have you been? You're in med school now, right? How's it going? How are you holding up?" She asked and I instructed her to sit on the stool by the kitchen island and poured her some wine.

"I'm actually great," I admitted, because when it came to school, I've been doing good. "Med school has been kicking my ass a little, but I'm not complaining, I love learning more and more. But besides that, I'm pretty bored, I guess. Don't get me wrong, I do have a lot of work and I don't sleep a lot, but there's not much going on besides college," I shrugged.

And obviously, she felt sorry for me, because everyone always did, because med students had the worst life ever. After talking about it though, we started talking about everything that happened in our lives over the years, simply catching up.

We ended up talking for hours, drinking wine while at it. She told me all about her own experience with college, about people she met, boyfriends she dumped, all the heartbreaks and everything in between. I found out that she finished journalism and wanted to pursue a career in some fashion magazine, which I thought was interesting.

I just thought that it was kind of a waste, because Sam has always been pretty smart and actually even after journalism she could be doing something great, but instead she chose fashion, which was kind of... I don't know. Shallow? I didn't want to downgrade it, I just thought that she could do better, that she was too smart for that, that's all.

To be honest I didn't expect that anything would happen tonight, I honestly thought that I was just meeting an old friend for some talk, but then again, she wasn't actually just an old friend, she was my fucking ex-girlfriend. So I guess I should have expected that after a couple of glasses of wine she'd start kissing me, I should have expected that it would lead even further, that I'd take her to bed, that I'd fuck her like I used to fuck her in high school. And most of all, I should have expected that I'd feel nothing yet again, and that I'd think about someone else while being with her, that I'd as always, think about him.