I Let Myself Want You

14 ● Jesper ● 20.11.2022

 November 20th, 2022

Jesper, New York

It's been weeks since Chief Wells offered Yohan his position at the hospital, and the younger man hasn't decided yet. I was a bit mad at it, because it was a great opportunity, and I thought that he was a fool for thinking about it for so long. Obviously, he had to take it, there was no question, but I was just wondering what was taking him so long to accept it. Did he think that people would think less of him for becoming chief at the new hospital so soon? It could be the case, but I don't think it was the reason why he was postponing it.

I thought that I should talk to him about it, ask what was wrong, why he hasn't accepted it yet. And well, I think tonight was the perfect opportunity. The day in general was shitty, I lost three patients in surgery and I considered sleeping at the hospital, because I didn't have enough strength to walk home.

But just before I actually fell asleep, Yohan came to me and asked if I wanted to go grab a drink with him, because he had a shitty day as well. I accepted of course, I'd never pass an opportunity like that. And since we were both pretty tired and it was late, we just decided to go to a bar across the street.

Once we were there, we simply just sat at one end of the long bar, somewhere in the corner and ordered a drink. "So, how many patients did you lose today?" I asked, because he was clearly bummed about it.

He looked up at me with a knowing look and took a sip of his drink. "Two," he answered. Two. That's tough, though I lost three only in surgery, and some other two patients coded in their rooms out of the blue and died. Shitty day indeed. "I've been a little on edge with everything lately and I walk around irritated and tired all the time," he admitted.

"Is Chief Wells pressuring you about accepting the job?" I asked, and he curtly nodded at that. "Well, why haven't you accepted it yet?"

Yohan sighed heavily and looked up, like he was looking for an answer somewhere. "I'm not sure, I just- I don't know if I want to accept it. I love my job, I love going into surgeries and I love that feeling when you open up a patient and you see what's wrong and you know how to fix it," he started, smiling a little to himself. He was right, that feeling was indeed amazing. "And I don't want to lose that. I don't want to give up on surgery, and I know that being chief comes with a lot of responsibilities and very little time. I already don't spend much time with my family, I don't want to cut short on that more than I have to."

I understood that. Giving up on surgery would suck, but then again, he'd be chief, he could do whatever he wants. And the family thing? To be honest, I didn't care about that. I still wondered if I should tell him about my suspicions concerning Sam, but I was afraid of his reaction. Surely finding out that the kid he's been raising wasn't his, would definitely break him. And I didn't want him to get hurt, I didn't want to see him cry, because that would break me.

"If it helps, chief Wells hasn't given up on surgeries," I spoke. "He's in the OR quite a lot, actually. And sure, he has a lot of different work to do, but he's the chief, he has people who help him with that other shit, so it's not like you'd be doing it alone," I said, giving him an encouraging smile.

"Okay, maybe you're right," he nodded a little. Of course I was right. "But I don't want to accept it just yet, I've only been here a couple of weeks, I don't want it to seem like it's too soon," he admitted. So after all, it was all about what people would think. That they'd say he got the job through his dad. I guess he must have been struggling a lot because of it, because he was a Lee, and people must have thought that he always got everything handed to him, when I knew it wasn't like that. Yohan was a hard-worker, he always has been.