I Let Myself Want You

9 ● Jesper ● 3.10.2022

October 3rd, 2022

Jesper, New York

For some reason, I couldn't wait for Monday. The whole weekend I was a bit nervous, just thinking about this fucking Monday. I was happy to have both Jisoo and Yohan at my workplace. I couldn't wait to work with the woman, I wanted to see how skilled she was already, I had no doubt that she was already an amazing surgeon, but nonetheless, I needed to see it with my own eyes.

Because of that stupid excitement, I decided to go to work a bit early today. I was supposed to meet Jisoo at seven, but I decided to come to the hospital at six, just in time for rounds. I busied myself for the whole hour, walking around the hospital, checking on patients and whatnot. And just when the clock struck seven, I left the cardiac ward and ran downstairs, hoping that I'd not only see Jisoo, but also Yohan.

Thirty six years old and I was still acting like a lovesick teenager when it came to this man, and the funny thing is that I didn't even mind it. I craved his presence, I wanted to talk to him, to see him more. I was just happy to have him in my life again.

When I was downstairs, I saw the both of them walk through the hospital door, accompanied by Chief Wells. He must have been happy as well, exchanging one Lee for the other. He at least didn't have to worry about finding someone for Minseok's place. "Good morning, Chief," I spoke, nodding at him, when they were finally right in front of me.

"Doctor Harris, just in time," the old man smiled at me. "You know Lee Jisoo, she's under your protection now. Take care of her and teach her everything you know," he added, smiling at the woman with a proud face. Doctor Wells himself didn't have any kids, and I'm sure he must have treated Minesok's children like his own, since they were best friends.

"I'll see you at the cardiac ward in fifteen minutes, doctor Harris. I still have to talk to Chief about something," Jisoo spoke, and I nodded in agreement, waving for those two when they were walking away. I was left with just Yohan, who was looking awfully tired and stressed.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked, looking at him with worry. He just shrugged and I proposed to walk him to the neurological ward. "What's that?" I asked, seeing that he was holding a folder, which I noticed Chief Wells handed him when they walked in together.

"More surprises," Yohan sighed heavily. "It's my new offer," he explained, just when we were getting into an elevator. "Turns out Chief Wells wants to retire soon as well, and he not only wants to give me my father's job, he also wants to give me his own," he said, and I looked at him with shock immediately.

"He wants to make you Chief?!" I asked surprised. What. The. Fuck. "B-but you're so young! And you just started working here! Hell, you haven't even started yet. Why?" I did sound a bit desperate and surprised and hurt and angry all at once, but I just couldn't understand why Chief Wells would do that.

"Don't fucking yell at me Jesper, it's not like it was my idea," he spoke, looking at me with irritation. "I had no idea they were planning something like that. Can't say I'm surprised though, I could expect the worst from them," he shrugged. "Anyway, I told him that I'd think about it, and I asked him to give me some time, like a month at least. First of all, I want to start working here, meet the people, see if I even like it. And why are you so mad anyway? Did you want to become Chief?" He snorted.

"Yeah, in like ten, fifteen years, when I was old enough, experienced enough and respected enough," I answered right away, a little offended. I guess that was just the privilege of being a Lee, wasn't it? He was still young, but he got all of those opportunities, just because of his name. Was that the reason he didn't want to actually accept working at Presbyterian? After all, he did mention something about not wanting to be in his father's shadow. But I guess it was a pattern, right? Minseok's father was a surgeon as well, his life was the same. "I can't believe you came to my hospital and took my job your first day here. You're fucking unbelievable," I huffed in annoyance.

I was mad a little, sure. But it's not like I didn't think he deserved it, because he did, of course he did. I was just a little bitter about it, because it was my life goal to become Chief here one day. "I can always take the job and give it to you," he shrugged like it was nothing.

"It's not funny, Yohan. And please don't, I don't want something like that handed to me, I want to earn it," I said, still looking at him offended. I can't believe he even proposed it to me.

When we walked out of the elevator, I could see that he was concerned about something. "You know it's not like that for me," he said with exasperation. "I may be a Lee, but I've earned everything I've gotten, Jes. I'm not just some idiot with a big name, I actually work hard for everything," he added with frustration.

So that's why he didn't want to come to work here, because people would say that his dad got him the job. And well, to be fair, he did. But he got him the job, because he thought Yohan was the best candidate for it. I'm sure Chief Wells must have had at least a dozen people in line for the position, but he must have chosen Yohan himself, knowing that he was the best of the best. Not only was he an amazing surgeon, he was also young, unlike some people.

We were standing by the elevators, and I didn't want to move, because that was where we had to part. "I know Yohan. Trust me. I know you wouldn't be here if you didn't earn it," I nodded in understanding. "Anyway, I guess this is where we say goodbye. The cardiac ward is to the left, and neuro is to the right. There's just those two wards on the whole floor, so we're neighbors," I added with a light smile.

He looked around and smiled a little to himself. "So I guess we will be seeing more of each other," he spoke, finally looking at me. "I'm really glad you're here, Harris. I really need a friend right now, especially since I don't know anyone here," he added, shrugging a little.

He looked so vulnerable for some reason, all I wanted to do was embrace him in a tight hug and never let go. But I didn't. I didn't think I had the right to do that. Especially at work. "Well, page me if you need anything," I proposed. "Whether it's work related or not, I'll come to you," I said smiling, and seeing that Jisoo was waving at me through the glass doors to the cardiac ward, I said goodbye to Yohan and started the day, happy that I had the both of them here.