June 19th, 2023
Yohan, New York
After the scan on Friday Malcolm basically said that there were no changes, at all. He thinks that stopping radiation actually could have helped a little, the tumor stopped growing, because there's nothing bothering him now, so we decided to stop the radiation. In spite of that, he was still pushing for surgery and I was still refusing.
To be honest, I started considering it, but I still didn't want to make any decisions before I told Jesper about it, and well, I guess it was time to finally tell him. I was planning on doing it today, but my plans kind of changed.
Some old patient of mine came in today. A patient I met when I started working at Langone. I remember doing a tumor resection on him a few years ago. I've been talking to him for a few days now and we decided to do another surgery, because the tumor appeared again and he wanted to cut it out. I would have preferred to dump this surgery on Malcolm, in fact I wanted to do that, but the patient was clear when he said he wanted me to do it, so I kind of had no choice.
The good thing was that I was actually feeling fine today, so I didn't see the problem in doing the surgery. It was going great, truly, everything was fine. I was about halfway through surgery though, when my head started hurting a little. I'd say it was about ten more minutes when it started hurting like hell.
I stopped doing what I was doing and stepped away from the patient a little, not to alarm everyone. I closed my eyes for a second to calm down, but when I opened them, I almost got a fucking heart attack. I couldn't see shit.
"Doctor Lee, is everything okay?" I heard someone ask, I figured it must have been one of the nurses, since the voice was quite close.
Shit. What was I supposed to do right now? I couldn't finish the fucking surgery, there was no way. I closed my eyes again and opened them after a moment. Nothing. Still fucking nothing. Well, I couldn't exactly risk the patient's life over my reputation, so I had to come clean, there was nothing else to do. "I-I can't see anything," I spoke a little hesitantly. "Someone take the scalpel away from me," I said and after a second I felt someone taking the scalpel. I needed to get out of here, fast.
"You can't see at all?" I heard another voice. It was Greg, the anesthesiologist. "Nothing," I said quietly and I felt someone's hands on my shoulders. "I'm going to guide you to a seat, doctor Lee," the man said.
"Someone call doctor Reed and tell him to finish the surgery, page him 911, it's urgent," I said, thinking about the patient. It's not like I could keep him waiting, someone needed to finish the surgery, and since I couldn't, I needed Malcolm to do it. "Greg, can you help me get to my office?" I asked the man. I didn't want anyone else to know what was happening besides him and the two nurses that were present.
I was thankful that he didn't want to ask any questions and he took me outside of the OR without a word. He helped me clean up and he guided me to my office. I was mostly walking with my eyes closed, since I couldn't see anything anyway. I was fucking panicking on the inside, but I didn't want to panic too much, because I was hoping it would pass. It had to. So when I was finally in my office I decided to take a quick nap. Maybe I was just tired, maybe I needed to sleep it off and everything would be fine after. So after reassuring Greg that he could leave me and that I wouldn't die, I decided to sleep, hoping that it would pass as soon as I woke up.
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I Let Myself Want You
RomanceJesper has been in love with Yohan ever since they were kids, and when the latter kissed him out of the blue in high school, things between them drastically changed. Yohan proposed him a pact, in which they started seeing each other in secret, while...
