I Let Myself Want You

39 ● Yohan ● 14.05.2023

May 14th, 2023

Yohan, New York

I was supposed to start radiation tomorrow, and I was a little nervous about it. Malcolm said that the tumor doesn't seem to be growing, which is good, but still, I was a bit scared. I was on edge mainly because I still haven't told Jesper about the tumor, or anyone else, which meant that I had to hide it, and I couldn't exactly tell him the real reason why I would start going to the hospital more, especially really early in the morning.

There was actually a lot of things I would have to explain to Jesper, like why I decided to appoint Malcolm the head of neuro in the first place, but it wasn't a day for things like that.

It was our day off after all. A true day off, that we both had, together. It has never happened before, so I truly wanted to make the most of it. When I opened my eyes I smiled a little to myself when I saw Jesper laying under my arm, turned so that his back was facing me. It's been a couple of weeks since we started living together, and we may have fallen asleep together a few times, but we've never woken up together, not yet. It was a first, and I was really hoping that I'd get to experience a hell of a lot more firsts with him in the future. Hopefully.

I decided to move a little closer to Jesper, just because I felt like it, because I wanted to hug him tightly, because I wanted to remind myself the way he smelled, however weird it sounded. I could feel his heartbeat while I was hugging him from behind and it was so damn even and calming that I could literally fall asleep again, knowing that he was safe in my arms.

I kissed the nape of his neck lightly, but when I did, he let out a long sigh, almost like he felt it while he was asleep. I decided to check if he was asleep so I kissed him on the shoulder, and then I heard another sound, that sounded more like a moan. "Jes?" I asked quietly, checking if he was actually sleeping, but he didn't answer. I figured he seriously must have been sleeping, but then I felt his hand squeeze mine, the one that was secured tightly around his stomach. He linked our fingers together and started moving our hands slowly on his chest, then his stomach, his thighs, and fucking hell, I didn't know what was happening. "Jesper?" I asked again, a little louder this time.

"Yohan-ah," I finally heard him speak, letting out a weak breath with my name barely audible. I wanted to pull away, turn him around, look at him, but just when I was about to, he grabbed my hand tightly and moved it to rest on top of the bulge in his pants. Oh. Oh fuck. "Yohan-ah, please," he spoke with a pleading tone, which amused me a little.

I decided to turn him around anyway and when we were finally face to face, I looked at him with a teasing smile. "What were you dreaming about?" I asked curiously, looking into his eyes that were darker than usual and hungry with want.

"Y-you," Jesper breathed out shakily and moved closer to me, linking our legs together, probably wanting to be even closer. He looked so fucking needy, I almost felt bad for teasing him. "You, fucking me, on our day off, first thing in the morning," he said with a quiet, but confident voice, smiling at me cockily. He moved even closer and without any warning, he kissed me with so much determination, like his life depended on it.

We were kissing eagerly for a while, I was holding him tight around his waist, bringing him as close to me as possible. "Do you want me to fuck you, or do you want me to do it slow?" I asked pulling away from him for a moment. I was never the one to set the pace, I always let Jesper decide, because I wanted him to feel comfortable.