I Let Myself Want You

43 ● Jesper ● 16.06.2023

June 16th, 2023

Jesper, New York

Today was quite an eventful day at work. Firstly and most importantly, I had a meeting with the board, concerning the Scott thing. Not only did Scott withdraw the lawsuit, but Yohan for some reason decided to stand up for me. He told everyone even before Scott could say anything that he witnessed the two of us being in a consensual relationship and that he knew the kind of person I was, because him and I were in a relationship right now. Yeah, he actually basically told everyone that we were together and it was surreal. I couldn't believe he actually did it. It wasn't even about protecting me anymore, because Scott admitted that he was in the wrong. I was shocked that Yohan decided to tell everyone about us, that he basically fucking came out in front of everyone like it was nothing, like he wasn't scared at all, like he was proud that he was in a relationship with a guy, with me. It seriously warmed my heart and I was fucking proud of him. He has come a long way and I was happy that he finally wasn't scared to admit that he liked men.

We discharged my patient from Malcolm's ward today, because he was finally fully recovered, which was a relief, because even a few days ago we were a bit worried that he wasn't going to make it, but he pulled through. The day itself was pretty great to be honest. I even went out to get a drink with Jisoo at the end of the night, but while we were on the second drink Yohan and Malcolm came to the bar, since they finished work pretty late tonight, and Yohan decided to take me home, and I wasn't about to complain about that.

The night was even better than this whole day, because it was spent with Yohan and Yohan only. It's been weeks, but I wasn't used to it yet, living with him, going to sleep next to him. It's like it was something so abstract that it would never feel real, even though it was. It was just surprising, that things between us were so good and unproblematic. It's like I've been dreaming about this exact moment for years and I finally got it, and for some reason I deserved it.

And what surprised me even more was the conversation that Yohan decided to start all of a sudden, when we were already in bed after two rounds of sex, in each other's arms, ready to fall asleep. "Did you ever think about marriage?" He asked out of the blue. "You know, since you're gay and it's a bit different."

Well shit, Yohan, what a way to make a guy stressed. "Sometimes, I guess," I answered nonchalantly, not wanting to freak out. "Not much though, because I couldn't picture myself marrying anyone besides you," I admitted, chuckling a little, and I could feel him tense immediately when I said that. "Calm down, I'm not proposing or anything," I said right away. "Though I'm more than sure that you're not only my first, but also last love. So, one day, maybe. When you're ready. When it comes to me, well, I've been ready ever since you kissed me that first time in high school." I wasn't even joking. I was so gone after that kiss that I was ready to marry him right then and there. "What about you? What's your experience with marriage?" I asked curiously and heard him sigh heavily.

"You know that I only married Sam because of Joey," he shrugged. "And I did love her, in a way, but I guess it was more in a friendly way, family way. Not like I love you. And when it comes to us- One day, maybe. That's a good answer. But to be honest, is there anything to wait for?" Yohan spoke and it piqued my interest, so I got up from where I was laying on his chest and I looked him in the eyes questioningly. "I mean, we've known each other for years. We've loved each other for years. It seems like there's literally nothing stopping us from actually getting married, whenever we want to."