Fart story one-shots 2!

Making My Sexy Boss Fart with a Hypnosis App

"Let's review the action items for the Richardson account pitch meeting on Monday." The vice president of sales paused, jerking his mouse cursor tentatively around his shared desktop screen, struggling to advance his PowerPoint slides.

He was interrupted by the unmistakable sound of a huge fart.

BRRRRRT!

My laptop speakers clipped, distorted by the explosive blast. I grinned. I already knew it was my sexy boss Mia who farted. I studied the image of her head, searching her immaculately made-up face and perfectly-coiffed bob of black hair, looking for some clue that might tip off my co-workers that Mia was the criminal—

"Mia! That's disgusting!" (Was that her roommate?)

Mia's eyes darted away from her webcam. She hid her mouth beneath her hand before speaking. "Shut up! I'm on a Zoom call right now!"

"I could hear you in the kitchen! Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

No response from Mia. She returned her gaze to the webcam, dropping her hand, smiling brightly.

"Mia, I've been thinking this for a while. Aren't your farts super nasty? I've never heard a girl fart as loud as you before. Not even my sister after her colonoscopy. And you fart like that all the time."

Mia continued to smile.

Mia's roommate continued to rant. "I mean it! You fart constantly! Even when you're asleep. I have a white noise machine, but you wake me up every hour with a massive fart. You're like a cuckoo clock! A farting cuckoo clock!"

Mia's eyes flitted back and forth. Was she looking at the horrified faces of her coworkers in portrait view, wondering why nobody was speaking, why the meeting had stopped?

"And your farts smell terrible. I couldn't use the bathroom for half an hour after you let one rip in the shower this morning—"

Mia shifted slightly, her right shoulder rising, the muscles in her face and neck tensing, her body stiffening to push out another fart.

BRAAAP!

"Mia! Come on! What's wrong with you?"

Mia again covered her mouth with her hand. "Shut the fuck up!" she yelled. "I said I'm on a Zoom call! And it's not like you're any better. Just listen to yourself after Taco Tuesday. Fart queen."

"You're calling me a fart queen? Then you're the fart empress. No, the galactic fart empress."

"Mia," said the vice president of sales. "Uh..."

"Seriously, shut the fuck up," said Mia beneath her hand. "I'm about to sweet-talk my moronic boss."

"Mia... you're unmuted," said the vice president of sales.

"..."

Mia stared blankly into the webcam, her large pupils suddenly lifeless and dark.

"Can you click the button at the lower left of your screen that says 'Mute'?" he continued, speaking to Mia as if he were explaining basic computer operation to an unusually clueless Boomer. "That makes it so we can't hear you."

Mia nodded weakly. Her right shoulder shifted. Evidently she was using her mouse.

"So, about those Richardson pitch meeting action items," said the vice president, finally managing to advance his PowerPoint slides.

Mia's right shoulder shifted again.

PRRRT! BRR-BRAAAP!

"Mia!" Both Mia's boss and roommate spoke her name in a shared expression of annoyance, disgust, and horror. "What are you doing?"