How are you my mum?

51. Its happening again

TW-SELF HARM, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
Olivia's pov-
Gameday against Bristol. Easy opponents as the girls say
I wake up at 8.30 for a 9.30 kick. Bit late i know
I quickly get up and go to the shower avoiding the mirror
I go back to the bedroom and see botj my mum's still asleep, seriously
Olivia-"guyss come on wake upppp"
They domt move
Olivia-"guys? No come on your scaring me now"
Mama moves slightly
Olivia-"thank the lord"
I shake mum and she wakes up
Olivia-"thank god i thought you were both dead"
They get up, i have a slice of toast as im not hungry but mum made me eat, get ready and head out the door
We get in the car at 9.05, bit late and mama is stressed im really trying not to laugh at her
Keira-"this is why we do not wake up at bloody 8.30!"
She keeps ranting on and in the end i end up laughing
Keira-"its not bloody funny!"
I start giggling
She starts tickling me
Olivia-"ah no mama ah"
We get to the pitch
I get out the car and the cold air hits me
Olivia-"ahh its chilly"
Lucy-"just a tad"
I quickly go to the team and start warming up
The game starts
We start quite slow today which is odd
I fix this by scoring 10 minutes in
The centre back keeps nagging me, pulling my shirt, tapping my ankles, then i have enough and start to talk to the ref
"COME ON REF THATS LIKE THE 4TH TIME NOW!" i shout "CALM DOWN I KNOW WHATS HAPPENING" she shouts back "alright alright" i breathe on deeply not to get angry. We do get a freekick on the edge of the box which is good, Amelia takes it, top bins goal. 2-0 25mins. We score another goal, Millie 38mins, im through on goal when the right back comes and takes me out, she gets sent off. 43mins, that centre back comes in my ear and starts whispering "you are no good, you deserve everything thats happened to you, you definitely do not deserve them two to be your mum's, definitely don't need that, you are so worthless, no one wants you here you need to realise that, your just some annoying human who people think they need to look after, should just go die, your mum's definitely do not want you, your a piece of shit and no one wants you, your worthless fat c*nt" i instantly tear up, trying to put them off and not believe them but failing all my suicidal thoughts coming back. I pick the ball up in the middle of the pitch and instantly lose it, my mind isnt in the right place anymore i need to come off. I miss the goal to when i easily shouldve scored. "FUCK SAKE!" i shout as i miss the goal again. I hear the centre back laughing knowing shes got into my head
"Shut the fuck up you know what youve done" i turn saying to her "dunno what the fuck your talking about" she says smirking. I roll my eyes at her and try and concentrate on the game
Halftime
Thank fuck
Lucy's pov-
"Did you notice her change kei?" "Yeah i did actually i saw the centre back talking to her but i don't know what about and ever since she's been different" she replys back "im worried kei"
Second half
Olivia's pov-
Before i go out to the pitch i talk to the coach
"Can i come off something happens and i cant get it out of my head"
"You ok?" "Yeah i just need to come off" "yeah sure go sit down" she subs me off, i see the defender smirking
The game finishes 4-2 to us
I walk straight down into the showers and sit there crying, i need a blade now
I hear voices so i quickly stand up and get out
We get home, i dont speak the whole way and just go straight into the bathroom, i turn the shower on and start singing "thought i found a way out ohhh but they never go away, never go away oh i hope someday ill make it out of hereeee even if it takes all night or a hundred yearss, isnt it lovely, all alone, heart made of glass my mind of stone, tear me pieces skin to bone hello welcome homeeee" i start screaming the lyrics with tears streaming down my face, all my thoughts coming back to head, i find a blade on the edge of the sink and i start to cut and cut but its not helping so i sit there tears streaming, thinking of killing myself letting the defenders words get to my head
Lucy's pov-
"Kei can you hear that?"
"It sounds like muffled screaming or singing"
"Yeah its liv"
thought i found a way out ohhh but they never go away, never go away oh i hope someday ill make it out of hereeee even if it takes all night or a hundred yearss, isnt it lovely, all alone, heart made of glass my mind of stone, tear me pieces skin to bone hello welcome homeeee" i hear her sing, what has happened so bad to my baby, i then hear a bang, i quickly go upstairs and see the bathroom door locked
"Liv can you hear me its mum open the door"
"No go away" she shouts back through tears
"Come on liv i just want to help" i pleadingly shout back
"You can just leave me alone please lucy"
Mt heart breaks, i havent heard that come out her mouth in ages, this. Must. Be. Bad.
I respect her wishes and leave the door knowing if i go in it will be worse
I go downstairs nearly in tears
Keira-"lu?"
Lucy-"its bad kei its real bad"
Keira-"how do you know"
Lucy-"she called me lucy"
She stares at me with a blank expression
Keira-"message rach,lessi and leah see if any of them can come to help"
Lucy-"should i, i dont want to drag them into this"
Keira-"its for the best lu"
I listen to keis advice knowing shes right
I quickly create a groupchat of us all in
Lucy-
Hiya guys its liv, something happened at her game and shes gone really bad again just seeing if any of you coukd come help us she wont speak to us
Rach-
How bad luce?
Lucy-
Called me lucy bad
Rach-
Omw be as quick as i can, good thing im already coming down to play man u
Lessi-
Ill be a few hours but im omw
Leah-
Can i jump in with you less?
Lessi-
Course ill come grab you now, we will be as quick as we can luce, dont let her do anything stupid
Lucy-
Thank you girls, means a lot
Rach-
Anytime luce
I put my phone away and wait for the help to come making sure liv stays in the bathroom
About half an hour rach knocks on
Rach-"where is she?"
Lucy-"bathroom"
She barges past me and runs straight upstairs
Olivia's pov-
I hear the door go who could that be, instead of helping me they have visitors? Clearly dont want me after all, they come running up the stairs
I am covered in blood as i just kept cutting
They knock on the door
Olivia-"if its lucy or keira go away!"
Rach-"how about me?" I instantly know that voice
Olivia-"rachy?"
Rach-"im here baby bronze-walsh"
Olivia-"w..w..what why how"
Rach-"your mums worried sick"
Olivia-"she is?"
Rach-"of course she is, she loves you, she cares about you, she messaged me saying you were bad"
Olivia-"how would she know she cant see through a door"
Rach-"no but she can see through you, you were silent on the way home, went straight to the bathroom, started singing lovely lyrics and then called her lucy"
I dont respond
Im in utter shock how my mum knows all that with me being behind a door
Rach-"come on liv open up"
Olivia-"no"
About an hour later the door goes again, i hear more footsteps come up the stairs, im still in the bathroom, the words going round my head like rings
Lessi-"olivia can you here me?"
Olivia-"auntie lessi?"
Lessi-"yeah darling its me kiddo"
Olivia-w..what so you and rach?"
Lessi-"no not just us, leahs here to"
Olivia-"s..s..she is?"
Leah-"yeah im here kid" shes called me that from day one
Olivia-"w..w..why?"
Lessi-"we want to help you just like your mums do?"
Olivia-"but how do you all know"
Rach-"your mum messaged us all because she didnt know how to help you"
Lessi-"please let us in liv"
Olivia-"only you first lessi"
I open the door only letting less in
Olivia-"auntie lessi" i look at her with sad eyes
Lessi-"whats going on kiddo"
Olivia-"a defending said some shit to me a...a..and its all gettimg to my head"
Lessi-"come here" she opens her arms but i refuse
Olivia-"im covered in blood"
Lessi-"i don't care" she lifts her shirt up slightly and takes her arms out just leaving it covering her tits "there now"
I rest my head on her stomach while she wraps her arms around me
Olivia-"can rach come in"
Lessi-"yeah i think leah went down to your mums anyway"
Lessi gets rach
She comes in
Rach-"oh kiddo whats going on"
Olivia-"auntie rachy" i start crying, she doesnt care about her top but instantly wraps me up into her
Rach-"weve got you, were here, arent we less"
Lessi-"we are kiddo we are"
Rach-"your mum is worried sick shes crying on the sofa you know?"
Olivia-"i want my mum"
Lessi-"ill go get her now"
She quickly runs downstairs to get mum
Rach-"what happened"
Olivia-"a defender started saying stuff and it got to my head to much"
Rach-"like what?"
Olivia-"you are no good, you deserve everything thats happened to you, you definitely do not deserve them two to be your mum's, definitely don't need that, you are so worthless, no one wants you here you need to realise that, your just some annoying human who people think they need to look after, should just go die, your mum's definitely do not want you, your a piece of shit and no one wants you, your worthless fat c*nt"
Rach-"oh wow liv no wonder it got to your head, you are none of those things and i know two people who want you more than this world"
Olivia-"you do?"
Rach-"your mums"
Just then mum comes birsting through tje door and wraps me uo in her embrace, i immediately let more tears run down
Lucy-"ive got you babygirl, shshsh" she starts rocking me "what happened liv?"
Olivia-"the defender said shit to me and it got to my head"
Lucy-"like what" i tell her everything "oh babygirl im sorry, you deserve none of that, you are definitely wanted, by me, by mama, by all these people surrounded you, we all love you liv"
I just nod in reply
Lucy-"lets clean you up babygirl"
I slowly let mum treat my wounds wincing slightly
Luvy-"sorry"
Rach cuddles my head
Lessi-"do you want to watch a movie?"
I nod
Lessi-"what do you want to watch?"
Olivia-"uhh can we watch home alone please thats well funny"
Lessi-"course we can come on"
We all go downstairs
Mama quickly turns her head
Olivia-"im ok mama, i let someones comemnts get to me"
Keira-"that player"
I nod
Olivia-"were watching home alone and im robbing leah, you can have mum"
Keira-"okay baba"
I quickly sit on the other sofa cuddled into leah
Rach and less are sharing a blanket on the other, mum and mama on another
I fall asleep on leahs chest
Lucy's pov-
Lucy-"thank you girls all for coming"
Rach-"course, anytime"
Lucy-"you may aswell stay its quite late"
Lessi-"are you sure luce?"
Lucy-"yeah course"
Leah-"theres 3 sofas anyway"
Lessi-"yeah ill sleep on that one"
She gets up
Leah gently shakes liv
Leah-"time to wake up kid so you can go to bed"
She shakes her head and whispers
"Im staying witj you auntie leah"
Leah-"looks like im staying here night girls"
Lucy-"are you sure leah?"
Leah-"yeah its no problems"
Lucy-"night girls sleep well, thank you all again"
Me and keira go upto bed and fall asleep cuddled together
Lucy-"night kei i love you"
Keira-"night lu i love you too"
We all fall asleep, im so grateful for the girls comimg
AUTHORS NOTES-
I liked this one ngl, got rlly tempted to make rach n less together but didnt know if that was weird so i didnt
Hope you enjoy