How are you my mum?

171. First game

Olivia's pov-
I'm so scared, it's been 3 days and now we've got Man City at the Emirates for my first game and it's this big, I have to play well, I couldn't sleep at all last night but I tried, I feel sick to my core waking up this morning were meeting at London Colney and then getting on a coach to the Emirates. I get out of bed changing into my training kit, I will not have a panic attack, not my first game with these lot, I still haven't spoke to Lessi properly and she's the one who properly helps me, my call with momma did help but since then she's seemed dry and distant, ive tried messaging mum about it but she just changes the topic.

Keira's pov-
Am I in a good place? No. Have I fallen into the place I was when Lucy was at Lyon? Yes. I'm back in that deep dark hole I struggled with for so long until I had Lucy back, and now, it's happening with Liv. I'm not eating, not sleeping, can't train properly lack the motivation to do anything and I just cry all the time. I'm always in mine and Lucy's room locking her out again, she's tried everything. I know she's catching on as is Liv I think. I just feel lost without her, I know that sounds severely pathetic but I cant, ever since we finally got her I fell in love with her and since then it's always been us three. I'm scared to death about her too. 10am training how fun, she has a game today which I will try and watch with the Barca girls without bursting into tears, I really hope she's okay, after our last phone she didn't sound it. I haven't eaten in I don't even know I don't care at this point, like 4 days or something. I walk out the bedroom door and see Lucy crying by it, I stare at her
Keira-"I uh-"
Lucy-"keira please talk to me, I'm here to help"
Keira-"I uh- come on its training"
Lucy-"keira please"
Keira-"I cant Lucy, it's pathetic and I know it is so drop it, im fine" She stares at me tears glimmering in her eyes as I walk past her out to the car, it takes her 5 minutes to get here and she comes out with a banana. Oh no.
Lucy-"I brought you this"
Keira-"uh yeah thanks" I take it from her putting it in the car door. I open my window getting fresh air and soon enough we pull up outside, walking it and finding out its fitness is incredible, I can push myself, 10 laps around the pitch, yes amazing. We all start bunched together, so I pull away from everyone going infront, it's the 6th lap and I'm way ahead but I don't know why I'm not even going that fast
Lucy-"keira slow down a bit it's hot, and plus i know you didn't eat the banana"
Keira-"what? Of course I did" I nervously laugh
Lucy-"dont lie to me Keira just be careful it's hot"
Keira-"im fine Lucy"
Finally I finish and I start seeing stars so I sit down getting a drink making my way to the gym working out a bit and then going to the cafeteria to sit with the girls watching Livs game,

Olivia's pov-
I arrive at London Colney around 12.30, it's a 2pm kick off, this is gonna be really weird playing my first game without my mums, without my kiss on the head or squeeze on the hand, mum then messages me
Mummy❤️‍🩹-
Sending my kiss on the head to you babygirl, as is momma with her hand squeeze, it's a big game don't think about it and smash it xx
I get sent a video of the Barca Girls
Mapi-"good luck Chica! I know you'll play well!"
Alexia-"yayyyyyy my chica making her- her debut? Well I know your name as does everyone else go smash it!"
Aitana-"hey liv, aita here, really good luck in your debut today we are all here supporting you very loudly"

I laugh as the other girls say it, but I notice momma in the background. She's not laughing. Not smiling. Not paying any attention. She looks out of it. Out of life and I'm worried. Even if she's not OK she will act it when there's a camera around. Oh momma.
I then get messaged by Dani and Stef with a video of them showing me the Emirates,
Dani-"any guesses where we are!"
Stef-"that's riggt! We are at the Emirates! Just for you bambina, I know you'll do amazing! Go bella!"
Dani-"you heard her bubs! We're here! Everyone is ready! GO GET THEM!"

I laugh as I board the coach, who to sit by, ill sit by Kim, I don't really speak to her but you know, I put my bag down
Olivia-"hi uh- can I-"
Kim-"just sit down course you can"
I smile "how you doing? Excited?"
Olivia-"uhhh you could say that"
Leah-"MUSIC TIME!"
Kim-"oh no, not trying to be rude but can I put my headphones in?"
Olivia-"yeah go ahead" I laugh