How are you my mum?

141. England...

Olivia's pov-
A few days pass and now i have to do therapy again, its an early one as we have a flight to catch today...im lay in my bed ainlessly staring out at the glowing sun. I roll over and see a note.
'I hope you see ypurself the way we see you our beautiful girl, you should be so proud of yourself. Let us help you, we love you? Let us love you, Mum and momma❤️xx'

I tear up and quickly hide it in my box of everything, i get out of bed and go into mums room to see her already setting up her laptop.
Olivia-"mum?"
Lucy-"fifteen minutes beaut"
I nod, i sit with her, her calming me down before it starts, she joins the call and a happy face Camilla lights up on the screen
Camilla-"hiya you two how are we both?" Im frozen, just like before i cant say anything
Lucy-"were doing ok, weve had a bit of a wobble with sleeping"
Camilla-"thats okay, did you do the questions?"
Olivia-"yeah"
Camilla-"okay lucy can you send me a photo please?"
She nods
The questions were:
Do you know how to monitor your feelings: Yes or No. I said no.
Do you have any ways to help yourself which doesnt hurt yourself: Yes or No. I said no.
Do you feel safe with anyone? If so who? I said yes, mum and momma.
There was a few other questions but i dodnt want to answer so i left them blank.
Camilla-"okay olivia, youve left some blank?"
Olivia-"i didnt know what to say and i didnt wanna answer them"
Camilla-"thats ok, you look a bit tired have you been sleeping since our last call?" I shake my head fidgeting with my fingers "does anything help you sleep?" I look down getting embarrassed over my answer "come on olivia i can see you brain ticking with an answer its ok whatever it is" she reassures me, i sigh and pause before answering "s..s..sleeping in mum and mommas bed o..o..or in there arms" i tell her
"Thats brilliant youve recognised that yourself Olivia" she smiled "theres a few things id like to work on with you today Olivia, so first, we need to identify some of the issues you might be having for example eating and sleeping, then we will look at some strategies that can help you through that. Does that sound ok?" I nod back at her as she smiles warmly to us "right im not going to put pressure on you and its great youve got Lucy here who might be able to help. Could you mute your mic for a few minutes and write some things that might be bothering you down?" I nod "ok brilliant, just turn your mic back on when your ready" mum mutes the mic and gets up to grab paper
Olivia-"stay? Please stay"
Lucy-"im just getting paper and pen" i nod and she quickly returns with her paper and pen, momma isnt in the room as shes too focused on packing with Alexia.
Lucy-"right then what do you think? Your doing amazing"
Olivia-"i dont know!" I reply getting a bit agitated "you know better than me"
Lucy-"come here then" i pass the pen and paper "how about you tell me?"
Olivia-"sleeping and eating" i pause "i dont know"
Lucy-"shsh calm diwn its okay let me help and if theres anything you dont agree with let me know?"
I nod
Lucy-"right then, so, you have flashbacks of what happened before, you struggle with being around alcohol and unknown people, struggle in big crowds, you dont know how to help your feelings and sometimes scratch at your skin or pull on things digging your nails into your palm, have panic attacks"
Olivia-"im so messed up"
Lucy-"no babygirl your not, this is a list so Camilla can help with some of the things that haunt you, obviously we cant put everyrhing on there because we dont even know you know" i nod "ready for camilla to come back?" I nod and switch the microphone back on
Camilla-"how did that go?"
Olivia-"lucy helped a lot"
Camilla-"thats okay. Do you think you could read it out?"
I pause and hesitantly nod, i slowly tell her all the things we'd wrote down.
Camilla-"well done Olivia, i know thats a hard thing to do so well done, over the next few sessions we will try to break down that list and work on each thing and other things that come along the way, all in small steps" she explains to us "ive said before its great youve got lucy here with you but coukd she leave us alone to talk a few minutes?" I instantly feel sick and i cling onto her arm
Olivia-"no stay! Stay. Stay. Stay. Please!" I cling onto her
Lucy-"Olivia ill only be in the study youll be okay"
Olivia-"no please you cant leave me please!" I quickly glanced at the laptop at Camilla whos writing somerhing down "PLEASE STAY!" tears start falling "PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME!" i realise im gripping hard onto her arm and instantly let go "i..i..im sorry, but please don't leave me!"
Camilla-"Olivia its okay. Lucy can stay." She calmly said "she can stsy lovely" i release my grip on her arm and sink back into the bed, i feel mum drawing patterns on my back calming me down "Olivia would i be correct in suggesting there could be some separation anxiety with Lucy?" I paused and thought, shes probably right. I slowly nod back in agreement
Lucy's pov-
So thats why she wanted me leave. Shes probably right
Camilla-"right over the next sessions we will work through the list at your pace, do you have anything in mind that you woukd like to start with "
Liv looked at me helpless "maybe eating or sleeping?" I answer for her
Camilla-"ok then, Olivia while were away from eachother id like you to make a table of things that could be stopping you doing these things and anything that could help you"
Olivia-"okay"
Camilla-"right okay ill see youse in two weeks?" "She could call you in England, i think it would be good for her as were going a week early anyway i reply "okay yeah well do that bye both"
Olivia-"bye"
I end the call and turn my laptop off.
Lucy-"well done babygirl im proud of you, are you okay?" She looks at me with tearful eyes "come here beaut" i open my arms which she crawls into "sometimes we need a cry after therapy"
Olivia-"how do you know?"
Lucy-"ive had therapy babygirl"
Olivia-"really?" I nod "when i was injured with my knees i was really bad mentally so i organised it, to be honest it really does help even if it feels like it doesnt" she nods "do you still like Camilla?"
Olivia-"yeah shes quite funny and nice, she always smiles"
Lucy-"glad you like her...would you like a nap before the taxi?"
Olivia-"can you stay?"
Lucy-"of course" she lays her head on my boobs and closes her eyes "close those eyes babygirl, mummys here" she quickly falls asleep and i text Keira asking if she can come upstairs which she does, i stroke livs hair wanting to keep her comfortable so she can sleep peacefully as long as possible.
Keira-"hey baby"
Lucy-"hey gorgeous" i kiss her softly on the lips as she sits on the bed
Keira-"how was she?"
Lucy-"shes doing okay with it, Camilla believes shes got separation anxiety with me which honestly could be true if you thikk about it"
Keira-"yeah to be fair"
"Are you all packed?" I asked already guessing the answer
"Yeah i am, are you?"
"Erm no, im not sure liv is"
"Right well done you two, ill do it for youse"
"Kei, when it ale coming to England?"
"Erm i believe either with us or before the day"
"Okay thats fine, i just want liv to have someone there other than us in Manchester, i know it daunts her"
"Yeah i feel so bad for her having our families live there"
She moves about in her sleep her mouth moving about to bring words
Lucy-"shshsh no screaming babygirl me and momma are here, weve got you, shshsh open them eyes" she slowly wakes up "were here babygirl, weve got your, mummys here and momma"
Olivia-"m..mm..mummy and m..momma?"
Lucy-"were here babygirl"
Olivia-"i.i keep having nightmares again"
Lucy-"thats okay its because youve brought the problems up"
She nods
Keira-"right monsters you two need to pack"
Lucy-"hmm 5 more minutes"
Olivia-"yeah 5 more minutes momma"
Keira-"erm excuse me i do not think so" she starts tickling us
Lucy+Olivia-"ah ah ok ok were ah getting up"
She stops tickling and we quickly get out of bed and run to our wardrobes.
Olivia's pov-
Manchester. Manchester. Manches. Manch. Man. Ma. My breathing gets quicker and my chest tightens, my whole body starting to shake, i cant. I cant do Manchester again. I hear footsteps come towards my room so try to act okay and quickly stand up which causes me to get dizzy and nearly pass out.
Alexia-"chica?"
I turn to her and her face drops as she quickly makes her way over to me
Alexia-"breathe chica, ales here" she carefully puts her arms around me "breathe"
Olivia-"i..i..i cant go back to Manchester, i cant..i cant do it..i cant"
Alexia-"shshsh its okay chica, you can do it"
Olivia-"a..a..are you coming" she sighs
Alexia-"not today chica, im coming a few days after you"
Olivia-"oh"
Alexia-"but you have is it Alex Greenwood, Chloe Kelly, Ella Toone, in Manchester? And of coirse others"
I slowly nod "youve got this chica, te amo" (i love you)
Olivia-"yo tambien te amo" (i love you too)
Alexia-"have you told your mums" i shake my head "you need to darling, you go tell them and ill carry on packing for you si?" I nod and go to my mums, i knock on the door and momma turns to me, seeing my face pulls me into her arms
Keira-"whats wrong baba?"
Olivia-"erm...i..i cant go back to Manchester, i c..c..cant"
Keira-"hey shshsh keep your breathing steady, nice and calm, you will be with one of us at all times i promise, they wont get near you wait two seconds luce you know livs foster parents erm what happened to them in the explosion?"
Lucy-"erm i believe your foster mom was fine and your foster dad has severe burns but is fine"
Keira-"oh okay"
"Anyway they won't get near you i promise"
Olivia-"momma? Were you hoping they were dead?"
Keira-"erm maybe a little bit baba"
I laugh "we will have you beautiful girl"  i nod "hows your packing?"
Olivia-"ales doing it"
Keira-"oh you little munchkin come on"
Sje picks me up and walks to my room
Alexia-"i think thats everything"
Keira-"what do you aay to alexia?"
Olivia-"gracias"
Alexia-"no problem chica"
Mum packs the suitcases into ales car, i have some strawberries and apple juice. I say bye to Narla who is staying with Ale and then coming with her to England. I give Ale a big hug
Olivia-"bye lex te amo"
Alexia-"bye munch yo tambien te amo"
We get in the car and Alexia drives us to the airport. We find our gate and quickly go to some shops before boarding the plane, we all sit together me by the window mum in the middle keeping momma calm whos on the edge.
Lucy-"breathe kei your alright ive got you"
Mommas a terrible flyer, youd think being a footballer it would help her but it really doesnt, she hates it.
"Thats it kei keep breathing, deep breaths in and out" the plane takes off and i quickly fall asleep in mums lap after the seatbelt sign went off. The flight felt really quick and now im back in the place that haunts me most. Manchester.
My phone pings
Daniellesavre has messaged you
Hiya Olivia, just wanted to tell you were in England right now meeting people so soon be in Spain, hope your okay, love you, D and Stef xx

Hi danielle where are you in England?

London right now but coming to Manchester tomorrow why?

Let me know where you are

Were going to some erm i dont even know ill let you know the names xx

Ok thanks

--

We get in a taxi after collecting our luggage and head to Dianes
I cant stop fidgeting, the last time i seen these was Christmas and thry all heard me screaming god i hope i dont do it agsin. Mum takes my hand amd opens it, seeing the nail marks and raises an eyebrow so i look down and at the floor of the taxi. She squeezes my hand "dont worry they all like you remember?" I nod "alzira and freddie miggt be there today"
Olivia-"oh"
Lucy-"why sad oh?"
Olivia-"youll play with them all the time"
Lucy-"what and not be with you? I would never"
I nod
The taxi pulls up on the curb outside of Dianes house, we get out the taxi and start walking but i freeze, i cant seem to move.
Lucy-"babygirl?"
Olivia-"i cant, i cant do it"
Keira-"luce you go ahead okay ill be with Liv"
Sje walks off to the front door and greets her family
Keira-"liv you csn do this one step and a time and tomorrow we might see Alex, Chloe, Mary, Jill okay? One step at a time"
Sje takes my hand as we walk up the steps of Dianes house
Diane-"hello you two! How ive missed you all"
Keira-"hiya diane, were a little nervous today but its okay isnt it" i nod, i cant form words
Diane-"awh dont be nervous, your okay"
I nod again
Keira-"come on then" we walk into Dianes house and momma takes us upstairs into the bedroom were sleeping in "hey hey look at me, eyes on me, thats it focus them eyes, eyes on me"
I keep my eyes on her but there flickering all over her face "heh hey look at my eyes, eyes on mine"
I try and keep focused on her eyes, deep breaths, in 1.2.3.4.5 out 1.2.3.4.5 thats it keep breathing" my breathing slows and i fall into her arms
Olivia-"im sorry momma"
Keira-"what for?"
Olivia-"not letting you be around mums family"
Keira-"your lucys family, im around you. To be honest id rather be around you then any of these, do you want me or mum to be with you throughout the day?"
Olivia-"you please"
Keira-"okay then you ready to go back down?"
I nod and we slowly walk back downstairs, Alzira and Freddie are playing football outside with mum, i sigh
Keira-"shall we join in?"
My eyes light up "come on then" we go outside
Lucy-"oh look who it is these two, freddie alzira you know auntie keira, and this is your cousin Olivia"
Freddie-"auntie keiiiwaaa, owiviaaa"
Keira-"hey kiddo can we play football?"
He nods
Keira-"me, lu and alzira vs you and fred"
Olivia-"ok tjen" i high five freddie, i dribble past mum and momma and pass it to freddie so he can score
Olivia-"yayyyyy freddieeee"
I pick him up and run round with him soom realising there attacking "ah freddie look zoom go tackle them" her slide tackles mum which causes her to fall over and we all laugh
Lucy-"shush"
Freddie then goes onto score which makes it even better
Olivia-"yesss freddie we won"
Freddie-"losersssss"
We go inside and freddie and alzira start coloring so i sit and watch them wanting to join in but dont
Keira-"you can colour to you know" i nod but dont pick up a crayon
Diane-"have youse eaten"
Keira-"we had breakfast earlier"
Diane-"ill start dinner just nuggests and waffles for you Liv?"
Olivia-"erm..." i freeze, i dont want food "no no Diane, olivia had something at the airport as she was hungry just me and lucy who didnt eat" momma quickly steps in for me so i mouth 'thank you' to her
Keira-"domt thank me, bit chilly in england huh?" she squeezes my hand.
Olivia-"very chilly"
Mum comes in from the garden after talking to her brother Jorge,
Jorge-"hey bronze-walsh"
Olivia-"hi"
Keira-"your mums just makimg food lu"
Lucy-"fir all of us"
She shakes her head, me and you"
Lucy-"okay"
We chill for the rest of the day.

AUTHORS NOTES-
CRYING OVER ALL THE LUNA AND KAURA CONTENT.
I have an idea for a new story but its a bjt wild right:
A long lost auntie of Olivia, long lost sister of Lucy who is a footballer but plays in the Netherlands  so no one kmows who she is but she gets a shock transfer to a team in Spain so then we can still have Liv in the new story or i could make a completely new story- Ideas are Welcome. Up to youse. Hope your still enjoying this Story.