How are you my mum?

37. Why did i tell people

Lucy's pov-
Olivia is sleeping right now but im on guard to anything that happens when she wakes up, shes just told rach an lessi what happened so shes bound to have a nightmare
And i wasnt wrong
She wakes up, sweating, screaming, crying
I grab her arms to stop them
Keira rubs her back
Lucy-"shshshshshsh weve got you shshsh"
She gets worse
Lucy-"kei what do we do?"
Keira-"its gone back to how bad they were before"
I nod
Keira-"baba, open your eyes for me, come on your safe darling, open your eyes, weve got you, i promise there not going to get you, open your eyes baba, no ones hurting you, open your eyes"
She opens them but still screams
Theres a knock
Lucy-"leave it"
Keira-"olivia, can you here me, look at me"
She tries to focus on kei
Keira-"yeah thats it baba look at me, breathe in and out, weve got you"
I just let kei do it while i rub her back, kei has always been good with panic attacks and that even with me
Keira-"olivia. Look at me, breathe, shshsh"
Olivia's breathing slows
She jumps into keira
Keira-"weve got you shshshsh"
She holds her
Olivia-"he was getting me mama"
Keira-"no they weren't baba you were lay in our arms, weve got you we promise"
Olivia-"mama help me im scared i domt like it i want them to go away again"
Keira-"they will darling, its because youve spoke about it"
Olivia-"so i shouldnt tell you and mum?"
Keira-"no im not saying that, im saying becsuse its all come back to your head, your remembering it"
She snuggles more into keira not replying
Lucy-"are you training today liv?"
Olivia-"uhhh maybe"
Lucy-"its the game remember"
Olivia-"ahh yeah that sounds fun"
Lucy-"well it starts in 20"
Olivia-"I NEED TO GET CHANGED AHHH" she runs off all excited
Lucy-"thanks kei"
Keira-"stop thanking me lu shes my daughter to"
Lucy-"i know i know but she didnt have to be"
Keira-"I know but i wanted her to be"
Lucy-"i love you kei"
Keira-"i love you more lu"
Lucy-"nope"
Keira-"yes, lucia roberta tough bronze"
I stop in my tracks after her full-naming me
Keira-"haha i win" she smirks at me and goes to get ready
Lucy-"ughhhh"
I get up and get ready
Olivia's pov-
"IM READY!" i shout
Keira-"me to"
Olivia-"mummmmmm?"
No response
Keira-"I SWEAR TO GOD THIS WOMAN! WE GOT CHANGED AT THE SAME TIME!"
Lucy-"i knowwwwwww"
Keira-"hurry up now." She says sternly
She finally gets ready and we head down to the pitches
Sarina calls me over
Sarina-"right so first they will do some drills which you can watch and then you can get involved in the game ok?"
Olivia-"yeah"
Sarina-"right which mum would you rather be on a team with so i can start making teams"
Olivia-"sarina thats nasty just pick one for me please"
Sarina-"ok will do"
Team time
She calls me over
Sarina-"teams, we are going to have two game, if you are not on these lists i say please go to the other pitches. Its 5 or 6 a side. So team 1 is Mary, Alex,Keira, Ella, Olivia. Team 2 is Khiara, Lucy, Georgia, Katie, Alessia. Team 3 is Hannah, Maya, Grace, Rach, Lauren H. Team 4 is coach in goal, Millie, Fran, Lauren J, Beth. If your name has not been said you will be a sub for a team so Team 1 sub is Chloe Team 2 sub is Jess Team 3 sub is Niamh Team 4 sub is Esme, one of the teams will have more then one sub so Lotte you can pick a team"
She goes to team 3
Sarina-"i will be watching team 1 and 2's game"
We get into position and it kicks off
I make a run down the wing, Keira sees the pass and hits it over to top, i control it but now, im one on one with Lucy, Lucy fucking Bronze, i stay calm
I do not look up at her, i can see her positioning, shes sideways but theres space for a ball between her legs, im giing for this, i take a touch closer to her, fake dribble onto my right as she moves her leg the gap becomes bigger, i slide the ball through her legs onto my right foot, shoot and score
Everyone screams
Keira lifts me up
Olivia-"ahhhhhh"
Mum is sat on the floor
Keira-"you just megged lucy bronze"
Olivia-"yup"
I can tell by my mums face she wants revenge
Instead she gets the opposite when she miss controls it and i take it off her and score
Lucy-"FOR FUCK SAKE!"
Sarina-"no swearing in front of the children please bronze"
Lucy-"sorry" my mum says as she looks down in defeat
The final whistle goes
I go over to my mum to give her a hug but she just walks off
I know she hates losing but that was bitter sweet
I walk to mama instead
Olivia-"well that hurt"
Keira-"yeah when she loses best to ignore her"
Olivia-"clearly"
We go to the canteen
Keira-"want do you want?"
Olivia-"im not hungry"
She looks at me with sympathic eyes
I shake my head
Olivia-"im going to the gym"
Keira-"domt knacker yourself"
Olivia-"mm" i say as i walk out
I go into the gym, my mum is punching a bag i dont say hi i just put my earphones in and go on the treadmill
A bit later im still running
Lucy-"olivia stop have a drink"
I cant hear her
She comes and stands next to me
I see her mouth stop, i dont listen
Lucy-"now"
I keep running
She turns my machine off
Lucy-"you will hurt yourself"
Olivia-"well somebody already hurt me today so"
Lucy-"what?"
Olivia-"YOU! YOU HURT ME!" i start raising my voice
Lucy-"please dont shout at me"
Olivia-"you hurt me, i know you lost but i came over for a mummy hug and you ignored me"
Lucy-"im sorry, i was angry"
Olivia-"i know mum, but all i wanted was a hug from my mum"
Lucy-"im sorry do you want one now?"
I nod my head
She wraps her arms around me
Olivia-"i love you mum but your really sweaty"
She lets go of me laughing
Lucy-"i best go shower, off that treadmill please"
Olivia-"bu-"
Lucy-"now." She says sternly walking out
I get off the treadmill and sit there for a while. Alone. Quietly. Without any social interaction