How are you my mum?

92. I cant

TW- SH, OD, PANIC ATTACK, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND TALKS
Olivia's pov-
Alexia has been constantly giving my mums  updates about how i am, how do i know this? Because my mums have been constantly texting me asking how i am, and have i been lying to them, of course i have, i csnt have them worrying about me over seas when they have there life to focus on, ive also been lying to ale, well trying my best. Im still self-harming of course, its my only way to cope but i think ale's catching on. Im not eating again or sleeping, i cant cope without my mum's like my body just doesnt function without them, i go into breakdown mode, thats what im in right now. Breakdown mode. I just break down. Its an off day both me and alexia today, alexia has physio tomorrow.
Alexia-"morning liv"
She goes downstairs and i follow behind her
Alexia-"are you ok, your eyes are all bloodshot"
Olivia-"yeah im fine"
Alexia-"liv."
Olivia-"im good"
Alexia-"take your hoodie off carino, its boiling youll over heat"
I shake my head "come on chica"
I shake my head
Olivia-"no, im going for a shower"
Alexia-"ok then well go to the beach"
Olivia-"ok"
I go upstairs and have a shower quite quickly.
I put some shorts on, grab a t-shirt from my wardrobe put it on when the door knocks.
Alexia-"hey liv can i come in i just need to grab something from the bathroom"
Forgetting i have no hoodie on, i reply "yeah sure" she walks in and her face turns pale, and thats when i realise, i have no hoodie. And my arms are pouring, i hadnt patched them up yet. Fuck. I put my arms behind my back
Olivia-"i uh i-" my chest tightens super fast and i cant breathe "i uh bye" i run out the room after grabbing a hoodie, i scratch at my wrists while having a panic attack on the sofa. Alexia comes down so i hide my head in my lap.
Alexia-"chica its okay"
Olivia-"no,n..n..no i..i..i s..s..saw y..y..y..your f..a...f..face your h..h....h..h.-" the words are cutting off, this is a bad one, a very bad one. She hates me now, she thinks im weird, shes horrified with me. She totally hates me, my eyes unfocus them drifting everywhere, im shaking, tears streaming, cant breathe. Fuck.
Alexia-"chica breathe in and out"
I shake my head "y..y..your horrified of me, y..y...you hate me"
Alexia-"shut up olivia of course i dont"
I nod "yeah you d....d..do"
"You need to breathe chica, in and out nice and slow"
"I..i..i cant ale"
"You can carino, just deep breaths" i shake my head
"I..i..i n..n...n..need my m..m..mama"
"Ill call her ok carino?" I nod
She grabs her phone and rings keira who quickly picks up
📞Keira-"hey ale!"
Alexia-"hey keira! Liv needs your help"
Keira-"what?" She turns the phone to me and keiras face turns from all smiley to nearly jumping through the phone "hey hey baba you need to breathe okay, in and out nice deep breaths" "i..i..i cant mama" "yes you can darling, come on sweetheart, alexia do the 5 things with her, hold her hands" i shake my head "no no no get off me "baba?"
Alexia-"i saw her arms kei"
She doesn't speak back instantly knowing how bad this is "okay baba, its okay, shes okay with you liv, she wants to help you darling" i shake my head "i need you to breathe darling" "i..i..ic..cant, i..i..i n..n..need to go" i jump up off the sofa, run to the bathroom, grabbing a blade, water and pills, i cant do this anymore. I run back downstairs, mama still on the phone with alexia. Alexia-"LIV COME BACK!" I hear the shouting carry on as i walk out the door and walk down to the beach, i love the sound of the waves, sitting on the rocks alone, with the peaceful waves crashing i love it, thats the place ill die, by waves, thats where im going. I need to die. I want to die. I cant live anymore. I make my way to the rocks and sit there staring into the water, drowning myself could work but no that would take to long, i want to die. Now. I cause everyone to much worry, my mum's dont need to be missing me, alexia shouldnt have to worry about me, no one should, i never should have spoke to them just less than a year ago, i should have never came into their lives. I take the blade to my arms and cut deep,the tears are streaming down my face, i open the bottle of water, pop out all the tablets i grabbed, and took every single one. It all goes black and the last thing i feel is my head on the rock, and then im unconscious, hopefully dead.
Alexia's pov-
📞Alexia-"keira shes gone" the tears in my eyes start forming
Keira-"alexia!"
Alexia-"huh what?"
Keira-"stay on the phone and grt looking, im going to quickly talk to luce ill be back dont hang up"
Alexia-"oh oh ok" i run to my car and start driving i dont actually know where but i just drive.
Lucy's pov-
Im in the bedroom just scrolling on my phone when keira comes rushing in
Keira-"w..w..wherewouldlivgotorunoff?"
Lucy-"hey hey kei slow down"
She takes a deep breath
Keira-"where would liv go to run away? Shes ran away from alexias"
Lucy-"uhm in Barcelona uh" the room goes silent both of us trying to think
Keira-"the barca store?"
Lucy-"i guess try it" she tells alexia where to go, i sit there deep in thought when it pops to me, the beach, she loves the sound of waves, she says its peaceful. "KEIRA KEIRA!"
Keira-"yes!"
"THE BEACH! She likes the sound of the waves, get alexia to the beach"
She nods and tells her
Keira-"shes going now, shes still on the phone dont worry" "oh and shes swearimg in Spanish or catalan i think" she whispers
Alexia-"Oh vinga on diablos ets, vinga, mou el teu estúpid cotxe"-(oh come on where the fuck are you,come on, move you stupid fucking car)
We both giggle
Alexia-"im there"
Lucy-"ok look across the waves"
Alexia-"okay, rocks?"
Lucy-"yes!"
Alexia's pov-
As soon as lucy said yes, i ran to the rocks, some further out than others, and then. I see a girl, lying there lifeless, on the rocks, the sea going over her and back down her, it clicks. Its liv
Alexia-"oh no no no"
Keira-"oh no? Oh no what alexia?"
Lucy-"alexia!"
Alexia-"Crec que està morta?-(i think shes dead?)
Lucy-"english alexia"
Alexia-"i think shes dead"
Keira-"oh no no no"
I run onto the rocks, and make my way over to her and thats when i see the empty packet. Oh no liv
Alexia-"what do you call it in england?"
Keira-"what do we call what?"
Alexia-"when someone takes tablets to kill themselves"
Keira-"overdose"
Alexia-"i..i..i think shes done that"
I hear the sobs over the phone and my heart breaks for them that they are not here to get her, but i have to put that off, i am not having her die in my care. I pick her up and run her to the sand, i check her wrist for a pulse and theres, nothing. Fuck sake,come on carino, you can fight this, you should never of had to do this.
Alexia-"kei, luce, shes gonna be ok, ive got her im gonna ring an ambulance okay, shes gonna be okay"
I hang up and ring an ambulance,they get here fast
Paramedic-"any relation?"
Alexia-"housemate and shes under 18 so im coming" they nod and i walk on, we get to hospital pretty fast, they take her straight into resus and im escorted to the family room.
Doctor-"do you want know what she took miss...?"
Alexia-"putellas, but please call me alexia"
Doctor-"alexia?!"
Alexia-"yes but please get over yourself and fix her shes not mine, im meant to be looking after her, here"
Doctor-"gracias" she takes them with her back to the room, and thats when the tears start pouring, how could i have let this happen, i was meant to take care of her, not let any of this happen,especially not this, i punch the wall hard
Alexia-"merda"-(fuck) (A/N- Aww merder bless, greys fan, anyway)
I sit down and my phone starts ringing
Keira.
📞keira-"anything?"
I shake my head "nothing im so sorry kei, i cant believe i let her get this bad"
Keira-"hey hey its not your fault alexia, thats the last thing shell want you blaming yourself"
I nod "were booking a flight right now, is it ok if we stay with you?"
I nod "as long as theres no horny lucy bronze going on, i got told what happened at the euros"
She bursts out laughing "thanks ale, we will be there as soon as we can"
The doctor walks in
Doctor-"is this not the first time shes done this?"
Alexia-"i uh, i could ring her mums for you, i don't know"
She nods
I ring them back and they tell the doctor what they wanted to know.
Doctor-"yes yes i didn't think it was, shes took more than the first time clearly knowing the affects, but. We are beginning to drain them out of her, so that is good, she will need a lot of help most definitely, maybe therapy? Of course that is totally your choice, uhm, shes not awake yet but she does have a slight pulse"
I nod "your hear that kei, luce?"
I hear cries
"Shes okay, girls"
I hang up and go into her room
Lucy's pov-
I hate this so much, how am i in a different country to the one my duaghter has just attempted suicide in"
Keira-"ill message steph telling her to tell gareth"
📳Steph H-
Keira-
Hey steph can you please tell gareth, weve had an emergency family thing in barcelona
Steph-
Barcelona? Isnt that liv?
Keira-
Yes
Steph-
How bad kei
Keira-
Very
Steph-
Keira
Keira-
Od bad
Steph-
Fuck, yeah go

We got the earliest flight, which was today at 8pm, it is now 5 so we have to go now, we quickly pack, drop narla at my mums and go to the airport,,no questions asked. We arrive in barcelona and rush to the hospital there at, i run to the front desk
Lucy-"here for olivia bronze-walsh?"
Receptionist-"relació"?-(relation) what the fuck thats supposed to mean
Lucy-"mamas?" She nods and tells us the room, i cant believe that worked, we rush to her room, to be greeted by her lay there lifeless, all tubes in her, alexia crying holding her one hand, keira rubs her back. I hated last time, i didnt think shed have to go through this again, clearly we were wrong. Very wrong, it breaks my heart seeing her like this. The tears quickly flow down my face, as i sit down next to her, i take a hold of her hand and slowly stroke her head, i roll her sleeves up to look at her arms. They havent been cleaned and theres a lot, all i see is red.
Alexia-"im so so so sorry girls i shouldve looked after her better"
Lucy-"hey hey ale no, dont say that, this isnt your fault" she nods sadly "ale, believe me, its not your fault, how could you of possibly known"
Alexia-"i didnt even know if it was her first time"
Lucy-"see"
She nods,keira comforts her, when the machine starts beeping
Doctor-"out" we all get out and the doctors start doing stuff
They come back out
Doctor-"shes alive"
I breathe out that deep feeling of relief
Doctor-"shes gonna be angry-"
Lucy-"we know, its not the first time" we all go back into the room
Olivia-"WHY ARENT I DEAD, I WANT TO BE DEAD, I SHOULDNT BE ALIVE, I SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD" she scratching at her wrists so kei grabs them
Keira-"hey hey hey baba, look, were here"
Olivia-"m..m..mama?"
Keira-"im here darling, im here" she rocks her
Olivia-"i want to die mama,i need to die"
Keira-"shshsh, no baba no you dont"
Olivia-"i..i..is mum here?"
Lucy-"im right here babygirl"
Olivia-"what about ale, wait no sje probably left"
Alexia-"carino im here" her eyes light up "im not leaving chica"
Olivia-"im sorry ale"
Alexia-"dont apologise querida, you did what you thought was best" she nods
Olivia's pov-
There here i cant believe there here,my mum's are really here
Mums phone starts ringing
Lucy-"oh sorry random number ket me just answer this" she goes out the room
Back to Lucy's pov-
Lucy-"hello?"
Gareth-"hiya lucy its gareth"
Lucy-"im so sorry me and keira arent there-"
Gareth-"no no steph said family emergency so, i was actually calling to see when you can come back to Manchester because your contracts ending and i need to have a really important conversation with you which i can't over the phone, im sorry"
Lucy-"oh i uh maybe tomorrow 2 days?"
Gareth-"yes thats fine, no later than next week? It doesnt have to be both of you, just you lucy, keira csn stay"
Lucy-"ok thanks" i hang up, that was odd but i put it off as i need to look after my daughter more than anything right now.
AUTHORS NOTES-
Sorry for the sad part, i felt it was needed to add to the story, apologies if any triggers. Ive just watched lucys interview on youtube and the interviewer got her talking about keira, now forever loving that interviewer, ESPECIALLY! After all the 'luna' content at the supercopa.