THE PICTURE OF YOU -rafe cameron-

057; have you ever been in love?

Where do they go from here?

It was a seemingly impossible question to answer. It rang in Rafe's mind, making him slowly go insane. It spun back and forth with Myra, making her feel nauseous. She didn't want to ask him about it, but she felt as if she needed too. It was a necessary evil. Myra looked at Rafe as he gazed forward, his gaze once more locked onto the dark ocean before them. He dragged the tip of his tongue along the back of his upper teeth. His shoulders tensed up slightly as he parted his lips. "I don't know" he spoke, his voice lower than before as he turned his head to look at Myra, "back to how it once was I guess". "Is that how you want it? You freaking out and leaving me in the woods by Barry's house?" she questioned, her eyebrows slightly raised. "No I-, obviously not and I didn't freak out, I just... I needed a minute to myself" Rafe argued, now staring at her. One moment he felt comfortable and safe with being honest and open around her, the next he felt as if he had a reputation and honour to uphold. It led to lies, which led to anger. Myra took notice of his evident frustration and backed off a little, breathing out a simple "you enjoy being by yourself, I get it". Rafe scoffed as he glanced away, feeling a rush of insecurity flood his veins. Her words couldn't be further from the truth. "I don't enjoy being alone" Rafe mumbled as he took a sip of his drink. Myra turned to look at him, seeing him fiddling with the can. He had his lips pushed tightly together and his eyebrows were laced into a deep frown. Rafe looked as if he was getting lost within a deep thought. "Oh... I-, uhm, nevermind" Myra mumbled gently, scooting a little closer. "What?" Rafe snapped, gazing up at her with something so haunting within his blue eyes. "Nothing" Myra tried to assure the tall kook boy, but he wasn't having it. "Tell me" he instructed her, his voice now direct and sharp in its tone. "It's just that I pictured you as someone who would enjoy being by themselves, that's all" Myra confessed gently. "Well I don't" Rafe once more snapped, "I hate being alone"

Myra sighed. She wasn't fully able to understand him. She herself had always liked the peace and quiet that being by herself brought to her, yet she seldom felt alone. Whenever she needed someone to hang out with or talk to she could just go knock on her brother's bedroom door or ride her bike over to the chateau. Being all up in other people all the time drained her and she found joy in just sitting in her room drawing, listening to the wind and the birds outside of her window. Never before had she really thought about the difference of being by yourself and being alone. It sure looked like Rafe had though. "It's not the same right?" Myra therefore asked him, wondering what he thought about it, "being by yourself and being alone?". Rafe shrugged as if he wasn't sure, but the expression upon his face let it slide that the thought had crossed his mind before. It didn't look like it was a happy thought at all. Rafe proceeded to lift his drink up to his lips. He chugged the last of his beer before setting the empty can down on a nearby rock. "I don't think so" he answered, his voice yet again low. Myra nodded her head slowly. "So you don't like being by yourself or are you afraid of being alone?" she asked. Rafe didn't answer, instead he turned his head away. Myra studied him as she felt the cocaine from before numbing her a little. Rafe seemed both relaxed and distressed at the same time as he sat there leaned up against the rock. His arms rested sloppily by his sides, but his chest was heaving like crazy. "I'm not afraid of being alone or ending up alone or whatever people are dreading these days" Rafe spoke through gritted teeth as he turned his attention back to the pouge girl, "I know I won't end up all alone, people around here worship me and my family so I know that I'll always have friends and some girl by my side... if anything makes me feel sick about it it's the fact that I might end up with someone who I don't even feel anything for"

"So you're scared of love?"

"No" Rafe argued, feeling a sharp pain shoot through his heart. He had answered no, yet he couldn't fully believe it himself. He wasn't sure if he was scared of love. He couldn't know, for he had never truly been in love. All the things you read about in romance novels and all the things you see in the movies, he had never felt those things towards another human being. He had been with multiple girls before. He had liked their company and he had thought that they had pretty faces, but it was never more than that. He could never open up to them, he always had to have his facade up. "No?" Myra asked, leaning in a little. She had grown curious now. "No" Rafe clarified, still not believing in his own words. "Have you ever been in love?" Myra asked, her voice gentle and curious. Rafe parted his lips as to speak but no words came out. He felt stumped, letting his heart pound to the rhythm of the waves that slowly rolled onto the rocks. The bonfire party was ongoing in the background, music mixing with chatter and laughter. Rafe blocked it all out, his head was spinning too quickly. He thought about all the girls he had been with. He thought about how he had wanted to love some of them, but just couldn't get himself to. "No" he then answered honestly, finally letting the truth fall past his lips, "have you?". It was now Myra's turn to be quiet. She shrugged her shoulders as she pulled her hands into the sleeves of her cardigan. "No" she breathed, pulling her knees up to her body as she shook her head, "no I've never been in love"