Oneshots: Elmax / Sillie

Late nights

Tick tock... tick tock... tick tock...

El huffed, rolling onto her side for what felt like the hundredth time in just the past 5 minutes. She hadn't been able to sleep for nearly the past week now, flashbacks of the fights between her and Vecna haunting her whenever she closed her eyes.

She glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table. 2 am.

How is it already 2 am? She had gotten into bed by 11, and now 3 hours had passed and she wasn't even close to falling asleep yet.

This was one of the times she wished she lived closer to the others, rather than in the middle of the forest. Yeah, it was safer, but these late nights just made her feel more and more alone.

Suddenly, she heard her phone vibrate from behind her, making her jump. She quickly turned and answered it before Hopper woke up.

"Hello?" She asked, not even looking at the contact name yet.
"Hey El." A familiar voice said.

El frowned and pulled the phone from her ear, realising Max was calling her.

"Max? It's 2 am, why are you calling me so late?" She wondered, suddenly feeling a pit of worry dig itself into her chest. Was Vecna back? Or maybe the gate opened again. How though, she made sure-

"I uh... couldn't sleep. And I'm guessing you couldn't either." She replied, her voice quiet so her mum wouldn't wake up.
"Oh, so nothing happened? No Vecna or anything?" El asked, still a bit uncertain.
"No no no, nothing like that, thank God. I just wanted to talk to you, well actually tell you something."

"Okay..." She urged her to continue.

"You... you broke my heart y'know." Max spoke.
"What?" El asked, confused. She wasn't expecting this at all.
"It's confusing, isn't it? You broke my heart even though we never dated." She chuckled lightly, which confused El even more.

"I don't understand. How did I break your heart?"

Max sighed, waiting a second before answering. "Well, my expectations, really. When we first met, you were everything I could've possibly dreamed of. To me, you were perfect. Though being 'perfect' is just a social construct." She added.

El felt the pit grow deeper, despite nothing serious being wrong. When they first met, she was happy. Yeah, they didn't get along at first, but she had just reunited with her best friends, and she felt like she could never feel any better. And then when they first hung out, she felt like she finally belonged somewhere once they left the mall. For once, she just felt like a normal, teenage girl.

And she thought people would see her as that too. But now that she's grown up, and more things have happened, do people not see her as that? Why did things have to change? Why did they have to change as soon as she felt needed, even without her powers.

Tears welled in her eyes, and she glanced at the mirror balancing on her desk. How could anyone think she was perfect now?

"El?" Max spoke, sounding concerned. "You there?"
"Yeah." She replied quickly, wiping the tears falling down her cheeks, "Am I... am I not perfect anymore?"
"No, you are for sure. But you're just, different."

"No I'm not. I'm still the same girl I was when we first met." El said.

"You're sadder now." Max began from the other side, "You try and hide it from me- from everyone, but you can't. I know you like the back of my hand. I can see the sadness swimming in your eyes like it's their own personal swimming pool." Her voice was softer now, but El shook her head even though Max couldn't see her.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She answered. "I'm not sad, I've got nothing to be sad about."

"You don't always need a reason to be sad." She told her, "Sometimes sadness just comes and sticks to you, like a leech. You don't know where it came from and how to get rid of it, and so, it sucks the happiness out of you."

"What-" El tried.

"And you just live with it. You let it eat away at you 'cause you think nobody will understand the emotions you're feeling."

El didn't say anything for a while, rolling onto her other side as she thought. "Have you been drinking?" She asked, half as a joke.
"Ha ha, how funny you are." Max said flatly, chuckling slightly at the end.

"But just listen to me El. I know you don't like to talk about your feelings or your aspirations or... anything that makes you human. But you still are."
"I'm still what?"

"Human. And not talking about your feelings doesn't make you any less human. Being sad doesn't make you any less human."

El felt more tears falling from her eyes, but she felt a deep sense of relief in her heart, and she felt like she could speak to Max and feel heard.

"It's just tough, you know?" She began, hesitating, "I feel like there's this massive pressure on me, to protect everyone, to keep them all safe. And I know all the upside down stuff was because of me but, sometimes it just gets a little overwhelming."

"None of it was your fault. And have you ever wondered who takes care of you, who focuses on protecting you from whatever evil is out there so hard, that they forget to focus on themselves? Who does that for you El?" Max raised her voice slightly, not into a shout, but enough so that she could get her point across.

El didn't reply, not knowing what to say. "I... I don't know."

Max let out a breath, "I..." She hesitated for a second, "Oh, fuck it. I love you El. And I know I shouldn't say it, and I don't what you to take it the wrong way and I definitely don't want me saying that to ruin anything but I love you more than you could imagine. And I've wanted to say it for so long now that some nights I can't get to sleep because all I'm doing is staying up, thinking of you and how to tell you."

"Max..." El said, feeling like her heart could fall from her chest with how fast it was beating.

"Whether you feel the same for me or not, it doesn't matter. I will always be there to take care of you. You never have to be ashamed of feeling things around me, you never have to bottle up your feelings, just let them flow."

"I don't want to be a burden to you." The girl spoke.
"You'll never be a burden to me. I'll always be here for you, arms open and ready to comfort you, should you ever need it, or want it."
"I appreciate it." El found herself laughing and soon enough, Max started laughing with her.

"Hey, you wanna know something?" El asked, a smile still on her face once they had calmed down,
"Sure." Max chuckled.

"I love you too."