girl from the train (gxg)

chapter thirty eight

megan's pov:

i have been thinking of different things i could tell her, thinking of some sort of speech i could give to somewhat ease this pain. i wish i could take all of it away and put it on myself. i know she has dealt with so much these past couple of years and it upsets me to not be sure of a way to help her.

she occasionally looks at me and i see her from the corner of my eye. i knew it wasn't a good idea to take her straight home. she'd have to deal with the fact that her family would probably overwhelm her with questions and it really just isn't the best time for that.

when i woke up this morning, i expected to give my girl the best day i could. i feel disappointed for her that this day may not ended up going so good for her. everything was going so smoothly, yet in seconds things went downhill.

i knew where i could take her. the idea clicked into my head almost instantly. this place was something we have come to cherish in our relationship because we've had so many deep conversations and beautiful memories. i've grown to think of this spot as a place where all of my problems disappeared and i could just take a deep breath of fresh air. i knew she desperately needed that.

after parking the car i turn towards her and see her admiring the view. she looked absolutely perfect. her beautiful dress with my coat still around her shoulders. her perfectly defined curls sprawled out over and past her shoulders. i could feel her pain and i wanted so desperately to fix it.

"do you want to talk about it? we don't have to of course." i quietly suggested. she was pulled out of her thoughts and faced me, giving me a soft smile.

"i don't know where to begin." she sighed.

"that's okay baby. you can start with telling me how you feel."

"i don't know. i feel angry, sad even. but i also feel relieved in a way. is that weird?" she looks into my eyes and questions.

i took my hand and laid it against her cheek. i caressed her soft skin as we looked into each others eyes.

"your feelings are valid. i don't think it's weird that you feel all of those things." i assured her. i wanted her to know that she was safe in telling me how she felt without any judgement.

"a small part of me was kind of glad to see her. i missed her so much. a bigger part of me though, was angry. angry that she could even dare to come back into my life after all this time and expect me to be fine with it." she scoffed. i find myself relating a lot to what she feels right now. she looks over at me and she somehow read my mind.

"it sounds like we both are going through something similar." she adds.

"i can't compare the two though. your own mother left you for a man she barely knew. i couldn't possibly understand how that feels like. sure they might be similar in the way, but at the end of the day baby, we can experience the same things differently. i just want to be here for you and know how to help you." i softly say. she nods in understanding and lets a tear fall down her cheek.

"i see all these memories flashing through my head of us as a family. memories of a time where things were better, happier, and more peaceful. now, i just see these memories and feel somewhat guilty." she sighs and looks away.

"why guilty my love?"

"guilty because i didn't appreciate the things i had. i didn't appreciate the times i had with my family when things were so good. i wish i would have done things differently if i would have known that they'd end up this way." she turns back and looks at me. i tuck some of the hair behind her ear and kiss her cheek.

"i understand, but sometimes things happen to us that we can't really explain. let's say you knew this would happen years ago, and you started to appreciate the time a little more, it would still end up happening and it would still hurt. do you see what i mean? i don't want you to feel guilty for something that wasn't your fault." i reassured her. i leaned over the seat and wrapped my arms around her.