Tiny's Sweet Obsession

42: Nightmares of Past

Tiny POV

Gears and I spent the day in the shop, fixing up vehicles that had piled up. I'm surprised Gears didn't insist I help him earlier, but together, we got through three vehicles before we took a break for lunch. Thankfully, Gears ordered from the diner and picked it up for us. I haven't stepped foot into Redemption Diner since Lily went missing, and I don't think I can either.

Tiger and Kayla checked in with the diner and Pops multiple times a day, making sure everything was running smoothly and about any new hires. Despite Emily complaining and threatening to quit every other day, Tiger said Nathan was doing great and holding down the place. He also said the new hire Hope was a fast learner and helped pick up the extra shifts. Kayla and Tiger agreed we needed to hire another server ASAP to alleviate the stress everyone was under.

Pops, however, wasn't taking Lily's absence well and called Killer every day for an update. Lily is like a daughter to Pops, and he took her in when no one else would hire her. I know he is struggling, as much as I am, with how little information we have, and I don't blame him.

Gears finished eating and threw away the trash while I poked at mine absentmindedly. "The only cars we have left are the F350, the Mustang, Civic, and Subaru. If we work together, we can get the truck knocked out today before we leave. Their lift kit is finally here, and it will take two of us to..." he trailed off, noticing I wasn't paying attention.

"Sorry," I mumbled, shaking my head, still playing with my food.

"No need to apologize. I know you're doing the best you can," he assured me. "You know I'm here to talk."

Gears is the closest person I have to a family I have, and he knows pretty much everything about me. "I feel like I lost her before I even had her if that makes sense. Lily doesn't know about Mom or what happened, and I keep thinking, what if it happens to Lily? The nightmares started again, and I'm going insane, Gears," I whispered, staring at my food.

He remained silent, knowing nothing he would say could make the situation any better.

After a few minutes, he said, "I can't promise you that nothing will happen to Lily. But I can promise you that no matter what, you won't have to deal with it alone. We know she is alive, and that's already better than the past."

"But what if Lily isn't by the time we find her? All I can picture is her lifeless body, and then it morphs into mom. I close my eyes and see her blue ones, lifeless and staring back at me. Mom didn't deserve what happened to her, and I wasn't there when she needed me. Now, Lily needs me, and I'm not there," I argued, frustrated with myself.

I got up and threw the rest of my untouched food away, which was a first. I always clean my plate when Pops cooks me anything, but it's taking everything in me to keep what I did eat down.

I started putting on my coveralls, but Gears grabbed my shoulder, forcing me to stop. "There was nothing you could do for your mom. You were a kid, and you should have never been the one to find her. Nor should you take responsibility," he assured me and headed for the truck.

I may have been a kid when it happened, but I'm not anymore. No one tried to hide what happened or sugar-coat reality, and it fucked me up. It's one thing to tell a kid your mom has died and another to give them the specifics. Since then, I have worked day in, and day out to remind myself I am not to blame. But with Lily missing, it's opening the old wound, and everything is coming back tenfold.

I helped Gears put the lift kit on the truck, and by then, it was dark out and time to head back to the clubhouse for dinner. Before I sat down for the feast, I checked in with Hawk to see if he found Slasher or any leads.

"Got anything?" I asked.

Hawk leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Not really. Slasher is staying pretty low profile, and so far, no paper trail. California police caught another member, but no one else was with him," he commented.

"So nothing," I groaned, and Hawk shrugged. "Do you have any news for me?"

"I started running down the homes and knocked some off the list, but we don't have people or resources in all these places. I don't want to waste ours if the Disciples try to target us here, either. For now, we know they are not on the West Coast, but that's all.

Groaning, I headed back to the dinner table. Whiskey made a feast for the family, knowing everyone was working hard and hadn't taken a break since Lily went missing. We sat around our large table and dug into the steak, potatoes, and veggies.

The girls talked about how quickly Kayla's due date was approaching and how they still needed to paint the baby's room at their house. Kayla and Whiskey bought a starter house close to Ace, Blade, and Killer's place, knowing they needed a place before the baby was born. In a few years, they will build their place and expand, but for now, it is perfect.

We talked about the coffee shop, and Tiger said it should be up and running in a few months. She already posted two job openings, knowing they would need training before opening day. If there's one thing about Tiger that I appreciate, it's that she knows what she wants and will do whatever it takes to get it.

"And when Lily returns, we get to taste test all the amazing baked goods for the shop!" Tiger exclaimed, smiling at me, trying to reassure me.

All this talking and Lily isn't even here. Lily should be here to talk with the girls about what color to paint the baby's room. Or helping the girls plan what baked goods she will sell at the coffee shop. If I don't find her soon, I'm going to lose it.