Tiny's Sweet Obsession

41: Stuck in the Past

Tiny POV

After talking with the others at the bar, I ate the leftover pizza someone had picked up earlier and headed upstairs. I opened the door to my room and stepped into a disaster. The bathroom was still in pieces, and dust and debris were everywhere. Not to mention, my clothes were strewn about everywhere, adding to the mess.

Mom would be ashamed of the state of my room. Lily would be ashamed.

I texted Hawk to see if any more parts had come in yet for the bathroom, giving me something to work on. Hawk replied, saying some had come in and the rest should be in by tomorrow.

Lily has never asked for anything from any of us, but she deserves everything she could ever want. I know she will never ask for a tub, but after watching her force herself to shower, thinking she has no other option, I wanted to do this for her. Even Shotgun and Gears jumped at the opportunity to help, viewing Lily as one of us already.

But Tiger was right; Lily will need me once we find her, and coming home to this disaster is not what I want her to see. I don't want her to see a broken man, who can't keep his shit together, and lets everything around him fall apart. I can't control outside factors or how quickly Hawk and the others find Lily, but I can control my environment.

I spent the next hour picking everything up, dusting, wiping, and vacuuming the floors. Next, I did the laundry and made space in the closet and dresser for the few things Lily did have. She took everything with her when she left, but maybe Tiger and Ginger could go shopping and get her a few new things for when she returns. I have no idea what girls need, but I know Lily did not have enough clothing for my liking.

After putting on a new set of sheets, tapping off the bathroom doorway with plastic, and putting away all the clean clothes, I looked around. In the corner of the room, I found a balled-up pair of sweats and a t-shirt that Lily had worn the night she left. I held them and tried to keep myself together and not fall apart again.

Slipping out of my cut and jeans, I threw on the sweats and shirt and breathed in Lily's scent, still left on them.

Sugar and vanilla. Lily always smells like fresh baked goods.

I lay in bed, planning dates I wanted to take Lily on when she returned. Things she has never experienced or I want to experience with her for the first time. But before any dates, I plan on making Lily mine. Officially. To ask Lily to be my girlfriend, my old lady at the club, and to be with me for the rest of my life. I want to be the one who gives her peace of mind and assures her that nothing, and no one, will hurt her again.

But I know it won't be that simple.

Tiger and Kayla prove that what they went through shaped who they are today. They are forever changed, and Ace and Whiskey had to learn how to help their women in those times. The amount of patience they gave their women was immeasurable. I will do whatever I can to give Lily a safe place to live and grow in confidence and reassurance that she will always have a place here with me and my family. Safe.

Ever since Lily went missing, nightmares plagued my sleep, causing a fitful sleep. Thoughts of seeing Lily dragged off, beaten and bruised, occurred nightly, and if they didn't it was me watching Chains beat her, trapped behind a wall of glass. Except tonight. Tonight, I dreamt about baking with Lily in the kitchen and got a few hours of solid sleep for the first time in days.

I was attempting to fall asleep again when I woke up to someone knocking on my door. Groaning, I got up and found Gears on the other side, who did a once-over on me.

"You look better," he commented. "As you should, considering you slept for twelve hours. We have cars piling up in the shop, and we can't keep ignoring them. Get dressed. We are leaving in ten minutes."

I had no interest in going to the shop, but I knew sitting around wouldn't help the situation either. I changed into old jeans and a shirt before putting my cut over it and headed downstairs. Gears waited at the door, but Whiskey yelled for me and tossed me a breakfast burrito wrapped in tinfoil as I walked outside.

Gears stopped outside and stared at me like he did when we were kids, and I knew he caught me.

"Want to tell me what you were doing yesterday at Sean's apartment?" he asked.

I shrugged and headed for my bike, but he grabbed my arm and stopped me, and we stared at one another.

"Just because Lily is missing doesn't mean you can start that shit again. The last time you did, it almost got you killed, which is the last thing we need right now," he bit out.

"I was just helping Hawk. If I wanted to drive off with Sean's car, I would have, and you know that. It was either I break into the cars or back into the Disciples clubhouse. Which would you have preferred?" I snapped back.

Gears and I met each other long before we met the rest of the Phoenix Riders, and he knows when I get antsy, I slip back into my bad habits. B&E and stealing. My specialties. It's my comfort zone and the only thing I am good at.

At least that's what I tell myself.

"Just don't fuck it up. Lily is a good girl who wants a different life than the one she's led. I don't need you dragging her or yourself back down that hole. I know you want to help, but you already did your part, so let the others do theirs. You are on a team. Don't forget it," he said, letting go of my arm and hopping onto his bike.

Team. A concept the Riders taught me years ago and one I still struggle to accept.