FEAR

45

•VERENA•

I didn't go down for breakfast the next morning. Instead, I took my dogs on a run around the compound of the safe house. I lost track of how many laps I did around the house and only stopped when I noticed one of the dogs breathing a little too heavily. I walked into the kitchen to see Simon and. Darian were still in there, sitting at the counter talking only stopped when I walked in. I didn't bother saying anything. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and waited for my pups to finish drinking water. The dogs crowded the water bowls and the icky sound of dogs drinking water was the only noise that could be heard.

I ignored Keegan. He stopped in the corridor when he saw me speeding to my room his lips parted to speak but I just walked past him. I got a sense he probably didn't appreciate that.

I stripped out of clothes and took a long shower with extremely hot water. Once I was done I wrapped the towel over my body when I heard the loud knock on the door.

"Verena!" Keegan groaned. Something in that tone told me he knew. They know. He slammed his hand or foot onto the door hard enough to make it shake and cause vibrations. Jesus fuck.

"I offered you jobs not an invitation to my personal life, leave me alone." Damn hypocrite, I know. It was too late to use it but if I could get them away from my case I'll say anything at this point. There was a moment of silence before the door burst open and pieces of wood flew in and onto the floor.

Simon stepped in first with no emotion no anger and I think that scared me the most. Keegan rushed over to me first pure anger took over his expression. He grabbed my arm tight, and I gasped. "It wasn't by fucking choice Verena, I didn't fucking choose to feel like this I just fucking do. I left everything, everything I knew to stay with you and this is all I get is a neutral response." I was tired. "What did you do Verena?"

"I. hate. you." I knew that was a lie but I said it like I meant it, meeting his eyes. "I hate you all." My lips quivered and the tears didn't stop.

"Oh really, baby. Tell me them, show me!" Simon mocked.

"Get out!" They didn't move an inch toward the broken doorway. I pulled my arm out of his grip ignoring the pain.

"What do you hate about us?!" Keegan's voice echoed. I flinched. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand which didn't help one bit. "Do you hate that we make you happy? Do you hate that we let you near our family? Do you hate that we dealt with our pride just to be better men for you? I'll give you everything, I'll put my body through anything just to see you smile yet I can't get an answer from you."

"Shut the fuck up Keegan just leave." I plead. I wanted to be alone, needed to be alone. I was overwhelmed there was too much and not enough space in my brain to handle all of this. I'll admit I fucking suck at this, at men, at feelings I never had to deal with these types of emotions. Once upon a time ago, I used to be able to, when I was little before I was faced with reality and survival mode kicked in. "How the fuck do you expect to help me by leaving." I began to feel my chest vibrate as I started to sob. They were fairly powerful themself but standing up to the union like this will get everyone killed.

"I just know they'll kill you." I breathe. I turned to look at them with tears still in my eyes and uncontrollable sobs in between my words. "It was supposed to be a job for y'all..."

"No." Darian sounded off. I shook my head. "You're not doing this take the deal back."

"Please, just leave." I stammered. "You guys were going to do it anyway."

"I said no."

"Why!" I huffed.

"You won't survive in jail. You have way too many enemies they'll kill you. I won't let you." Keegan grabbed onto my face. The rage in his eyes was unlike anything I'd ever seen before, a flicker of fear struck me. He pulled my hair off my face. "You're not doing this and if you do this I'll kill everyone and I mean everyone they know so call it off."

"Why can't you let me do this?" I punched his shoulder weakly he barely budged. My heart pounded with exhaustion. My mind is racing.

I offered a deal to the DEA/American government and the Mexican government to stop distributing if Rowan was killed. I would've admitted to everything if they promised to keep them safe and outta the media. I would've gone to jail upon the agreement if they accepted and it would have been worth it. I don't believe they deserve to go to jail because of me.

He leaned down to my ear. "I'm in love with everything about you and I hate that because you make me question everything good about myself. There isn't much good left Verena so believe me when I tell you I'll kill everyone to get you back so don't try doing this." He pulled out the letter and put it on my lap. It was a response.

I didn't even look at the letter I just stared at him. I could feel my body heat up at his words, butterflies and electrical proms around. Like I'm falling into an oasis. I just stared at him, my lips parted.

No. Fuck. No

Sudden anger took possession of my body like a blaze and if I could physically throw words back and pretend I didn't hear them I would. I could chuck this table lamp at him but knowing him he'll probably catch it. "Fuck you," I said. "I told you I would never love you any of you ever. You don't own me you don't control me I do whatever the fuck I want. Get out!"

"Oh no love what you really hate is the fact that we make you feel and you haven't been able to deal with it have you? You fear losing us so you're just pushing us away because it's easier." Darian took my hand. There he goes reading me like an opened book. I pulled my hand away. I turned around hiding my face. Keegan stepped away.

"I can't." I shook my head. "I just can't."

•_•

Yoooooo. I didn't think I would go over 35 chapters but here we are, anyways I want to tell you guys sometimes I get scared to write smut because I think I would scare some of my readers. 😂