FEAR

57

•DARIAN•

                 I was reading a self-developing book when Verena slid in nothing but her socks and a baggy shirt that didn't belong to her. She smiled utterly impressed with herself. There was a gleam in her eyes that I hadn't seen since before Mateo died, which made me happier than the first man to walk on the moon. She walked over and I instantly opened my arm to let her sit on me. I kissed her cheek. "Hi," I said taking in her scent and lack of warmth. Why is she always so cold? "You need to take iron."

"Shut up don't tell me what to do." She said with no base in her voice. She closed her eyes and snuggled into me. "Our house is starting construction today."

Our house. "That's what got you all happy today." I place the book aside. She smiled shaking her head.

"No." She whispered opening her eyes. Dark eyes that weren't full with utter hatred when they looked at me. "For the first time in a long time I woke up happy." She sat up and wrapped her arm around neck. "I felt no dread, or desire to go back to sleep and I think- I know it's because of you Simon and Keegan. I'm sorry."

"Sorry about what." I rubbed her back. I could feel her heart beating, it was starting to pick up.

"I know I'm not the easiest person to love." She whispered. "I can't change and I'm mentally scarred for the rest of my life. No matter what I do I don't think I can overcome some of things I've seen or done. I'm sorry I blow up and I didn't comfort my feelings sooner. I still think you guys deserve better though I don't want any of you to leave but I wouldn't fight you if you did.

"I know that and I don't care. I love you. From your highest to your lowest. No matter how depressed you get or how vindictive you turn out to be, I love you even when you're irrational and act like a dumbass and nobody is leaving."

"Fuck you." She laugh slapping my bicep. I kissed her shoulder her suddenly having the insatiable urge to hug her with all my strength. I could hurt her ehh fuck it. I wrapped my arms around her waist and squish her against me. "You son of a bitch." She struggle to say. I loosen my grip and kissed her jaw. Still holding her in place at this point my cock has been straining against my pants since she slid in here. All I had to do was see her or smell just thinking about her.

"I don't know how to say it." She admits, her voice soft. She lay her head on my shoulder. "But I feel it and I want to say it-"

"But it's hard when you barely heard it growing up? Or it's because you never said it to anyone you weren't related to." She played with my hair, twirling her fingers to a curl, she didn't say anything or even move to look at me. "Or is it because you feel like if you say it you fear something bad will happen to us."

"It's a logical fear." She didn't denied it at the very least. "My mom, my father my only brother, shit even my extended family members all dead. I'm cursed."

"You've said it in different ways Verena that can't be the reason." I moved my hand to her thigh. I felt the scar left from the bullet. I pushed her shorts that aren't her shorts up. She yelped but didn't protest. It was shades darker from her skin tone but it was healing well. "All my friends died. My closet friend from training all dead. One died in a motorcycle accident, another died in a car crash, and another was shot down from a plane. A lot of them died in combat. I was there for a so many. I watched so many of them die some of them died in my arms. Sometimes I felt like I could've done more to save them."