you took a polaroid of us,
then discovered,
the rest of the world was black and white,
but we were in screaming color,
and I remember thinking
are we out of the woods yet?
• • •...
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cw: suicidal thoughts & mental breakdown.
ONE WEEK LATER (16 weeks pregnant — 3 months)
season 5, episode 10
It had been one restless week on the road. We were moving nonstop. After Tyreese's burial, we tried to move to D.C., thinking it was our best option. But soon enough, our vehicles gave up on us and resorted to walking instead.
I was about 3 months into my pregnancy– maybe more or less. I had 6 more months left unless I gave birth early, which I did not want. Rick tried his best to stay calm and find somewhere safe for us, but everything in our path had been destroyed.
I could tell my pregnancy was affecting Rick differently than when Lori was pregnant, he was more protective and more vigilant. With Lori, he had experienced fear and uncertainty, but now it only intensified.
Almost every second of every day he was right by my side, his eyes planted on me 24/7. It was starting to become exhausting with his unwavering stare and protectiveness, but I learned to deal with it and realized it was his way of looking out for me and the baby.
We didn't have any food to sustain us, and the relentless pace we kept to avoid danger and search for a home was tiring all of us. The group was struggling, and I could see it in their faces–sunken eyes, drawn cheeks, and unspoken fear.
Not only were we dealing with the fear of not eating, not drinking, not sleeping, but we also had to carry around the losses of Tyreese, Bob, Beth, and everybody else at the prison.
There would be times when I would find myself alone, and the quiet would be too much– and I would break down. I would break down at the thought of Beth, Tyreese, Bob, Hershel, and everybody else who was taken away from us.
I hadn't spoken to anyone much, simply keeping my words to myself. Of course, I would speak to Rick, Judith, and Carl– but other than that I found myself lost in the humming of my thoughts.
Maggie didn't say much either, but every so often when our eyes met, we shared a silent understanding of the grief and burden we both carried. Her sage green eyes, once vibrant with life, hope, and determination, now reflected the same sorrow and weariness that I felt.
In Sasha's words, we had 60 miles left to get to D.C., if our vehicle didn't break down again, of course, we'd get there soon. But if we had to walk, who knew how long that could take?
It was getting tiring to walk. Hell, it was getting tiring to even breathe.
The sputtering of the truck engine threw all my thoughts out of my mind, a sad sigh leaving me as Abraham slowly turned to look at Rick, shaking his head. "We're out, just like the other one,"
