2024: diary of a girl in her 20s

06.24 June Library

This morning I wanted to go to the library quite early and I ended up going at 11 or later.

I studied for about 2 hours straight. Went out to have lunch. I saw Lin, Paulie and Michelle and I joined then for coffee at a bar. They talked, I listened. I wasn't on a talkative mood, they also have pretty boring conversations and Michelle was particularly annoying because she talks as if she has objective truth about things. I went back to the library and studied for 2 more hours or so.

I finished the second half of the narrative theory for my exam. Tony showed up. Sonny texted "I'm outside, going home now", I texted "I thought you were coming to the library", he said "Nobody was outside", I texted "Everyone is inside, I thought you were coming in", he said "Okay I'll walk back". He showed up and everyone was so happy to see him like Wooooowww Sonny we haven't seen you in three trillion ages!!!! I thought about what I told him that he is one of the centres of attention of the group (which he denied but this is proof he is wrong), and I also felt :/ that nobody in the friend group is like that with me, like they just don't appreciate me like that. it's okay. i also don't show up so much, and I understand I'm not as cool as Sonny and i guess my personality is a little weird, like i'm always reserved and a little cold and centred around studying, i don't bond or give too much with most of the people in the friend group.

Everyone went outside to smoke, i went out after 5 minutes because i was about to finish my study session. I didn't talk much, I felt off. eventually everyone left, only sonny, aberforth and me remained. we talked for a while.

everyone is planning on going to some 4-day party in Torino, where Aberforth is from. it sounds like big fun but i don't know if i'm. in the mood, it's too much party, and sleeping in a camping area, and camping showers and 4 days of poor sleep and eating terribly. but it also feels like a core event in the friend group and i don't want to miss it because i feel like if i do i will be a little more pushed to the side, like i will feel like i don't belong there even less.

anyway i'm back home now, writing this. i'll eat in a while. i have to see sonny tomorrow he has to give me a hand with narratology for my narrative exam. just bye